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Craigslist Dating, Take Two

Monday, July 6th, 2009

It was January 24, a good month after I decided I needed a break from this dating thing. S and I were still doing this on again/off again thing. (And it seems so distant, I really have to read my journal entries to remember why we had such difficulties. So, I’m going to go with the belief that he was fighting the inevitable.) I was about to go out with Donna and a group of friends for the night. There’s something about getting dressed to go out that makes me especially fiesty. Suddenly I felt compelled to do it again.

I can’t find the copy I made of that post. Wish I could. The writing was more than decent. Here’s what I remember:

Fighting my Fears, Determined to Date

I believe in facing my fears head on, which would explain why despite a fear of heights, I went parasailing and why I’m now posting an online dating ad. I discovered I really enjoyed parasailing. The jury is still out on dating.

Then I followed it with the usual disclaimer (I have kids and an almost ex-husband. Yada yada yada.) And I followed it with a description of myself, but no picture. (Remember, I am not photogenic.) My email was anonymized, and the post published.

The response was great, mostly quality, only one picture of a tighty whitey clad weenie. And so I once again went through the sorting process. I was learning. I was focused. I was disinterested. Somehow, it was the act itself that was thrilling, not the prospect of actually meeting someone, trying to bond, weed out the bs.

This time, after a series of emails, one man did strike my interest. He was a father of three girls who worked in the IT field. His kids lived in Atlanta and were around only a couple of weekends a month. He was a few years older than I was, which kind of seemed like a nice change of pace.

So, we started talking on the phone. The conversations were great, no awkward silences, no misunderstandings. He was flirty and funny. Soon, I began to think it might have a hint of promise. He was devoted, emailing and texting and calling every night. The more we talked, the more complimentary he became. And there is nothing a woman finds more appealing than a man who finds her…I believe his exact word was ‘amazing.’

We talked about meeting for the first time to watch the Super Bowl together somewhere, but I already had plans with the kids, Jay and Spring. So, we were going to do dinner one night that week. All was well.

On that Saturday before the Super Bowl, I received a text at nine at night from S. He was at Chucke E. Cheese with some of our friends playing skeeball. And next thing you know, so was I. It was our game, filled with happy beach trip memories. Then, while I was shooting scarab beetles and mummies with him by my side, he popped the question. (Not that question, silly!)

S: I’m done that job I was working on.

me: I know.

S: I’m going to Miami to see a friend.

me: Uh huh.

S: We always talked about going together.

me, trying to concentrate on shooting, but seriously wondering where this was going: I remember.

S: Come with me.

And that is why poor Marshall was history. No one has ever stood a chance against S. No one. I’ve had options. The problem is that I only have room in my heart for him. We fit. We’re meant to be.

Months later, when we finally worked out the whole moving in together thing, S made one simple request: You’ll stop posting ads on Craigslist?

Maybe he thought it was this huge concession I was making. Hah. My response: Absolutely.

Sorry, Craigslist. I’m off the market.

Tags: dating, online dating, relationships, romance
Posted in A Single Girl's Guide | No Comments »

How I Stumbled Upon Matchmaker.com

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

At the risk of sounding desperate, since I’ve already revealed that I actually signed up for an account on Match.com, and I posted…twice…on Craigslist, I feel the need to plead my case with Matchmaker.com.

So here’s what happened…I was searching Craigslist. (Searching, not trolling, people.) Since I was struggling to find a roommate or rent the house and was selling off household items to make ends meet, I would occasionally also check out the jobs posted. One day there was a posting that claimed they were looking for people to review various sites. All I had to do was sign up on this site (no money involved), check it out thoroughly, write a review and submit it for their approval. If they liked my style, I’d earn an easy $25. I figured the way I love to write and play online, I was the ideal candidate for this position.

They sent me the link for the site I was to review. Great, another dating site. With little enthusiasm, I signed up and filled out the profile info. I wasn’t going to pay for a membership or even include a picture. This was a one time shot, I wasn’t looking for a love connection. I was on again off again with S, and doubted I’d ever get over him, completely disinterested in starting anything new…when I started getting emails from one guy: Chris.

Chris was the same age as S, meaning about eight years younger than I was, and we all know how that turned out. He was persistent, I’ll give him that. And somehow I end up getting peaschnuckered into a date, on St. Patrick’s Day no less. By this time, I was getting better at this online dating bit, maybe even dating in general. I had ruled out movies. We were not going to be able to meet much before 8:30pm because I had a Parent Meeting for Rachel’s play. (You would have thought it was a Broadway production with the time devoted to it. And it did look amazingly professional at the performances I saw.)

The plan was to meet at the fountains at Stonecrest in South Charlotte. The fountains are gorgeous, all lit up at night. You can sit right on the edge, or on some of the stone benches built into the walls. It’s really romantic, if you’re with the right person. I wasn’t. That became evident within…minutes. You know how you can talk to some people for hours and the time flies. I called this date in an hour and fifteen minutes. Yup. And that was way too long.

First of all, he looked like he was twelve instead of almost thirty. And he fidgeted constantly like a twelve year old. At first I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I thought he was nervous, but when I asked him, he assured me he was like that all the time. Great. That wouldn’t get on my nerves too much. And you know how some people are these great listeners and you can tell they really want to get to know you? He wasn’t. He talked over me. He would ask me questions and not listen to the answer. Through it all, I was patient. Then, he started touching me.

I like being touched. I crave being touched. By the right person. And he wasn’t. And he couldn’t take a hint. Finally, I just decided to be as bold as he was and ask if he was always this forward. He assured me he was. By this time, I’d lost count of the strikes against him.

He walked me back to my car and told me what a great time he’d had and how he looked forward to getting to know me better. I smiled…weakly. Soon I was home and hopped online. My old friend, Holly was online and we began to chat. She was finishing her senior year at Chapel Hill and didn’t always have a lot time to talk. I was scowling when I realized that I already had an email from Chris asking for a second date. And then, minutes later, I had a text.

Cursing, I went for the phone. If it was Chris, I was probably going to rip him a new one. But it wasn’t. It was S. He was having a lousy St. Patrick’s Day and missed me. We exchanged a few texts before I was heading down the road for his house, uninvited. The last text I sent: Let me in. The door was opening as I reached it. Ahhh.

For the next few days, I received countless emails and texts from Chris, asking to get together again. I told him that I didn’t think we had much in common. He asked me to give ‘us’ a chance. What does that mean? There was no ‘us.’

me: Why are u so determined to date me? I have more baggage than American Tourister.

Chris: You seem nice.

me: Clearly, I’m not that nice.

Chris: Please give us a chance.

me: sigh

I wish I could remember how I finally managed to get through to him that we were just not going to happen. So much has transpired since then. And what did I learn from this experience? (I try to chalk everything up to a learning experience.) If a job seems too good to be true, it probably is. I never heard from the company again.

Tags: craigslist, dating, online dating
Posted in Reflections | No Comments »

Finding my Match

Monday, June 29th, 2009

One day at work I had lunch with the thoroughbreds. While Donna was happily ensconced in a relationship with the man of her dreams (Thom, you are one lucky man.), Tina was playing the field, juggling men like clowns do plates and with far more success. She was complaining about having dates just shy of every night that week. Finally, I just came right out and asked her.

Where do you find all these men?

Her response: Match.com.

I have to admit, I was intrigued. Now ask Michael, the consultant I work with, and he’ll tell you that I’m no thoroughbred. I’m built for comfort. Luckily, many men like comfort. Even more luckily, I don’t need hoards of men, I just need one, the right one, the one.

So, that evening, after I did the mom thing and cooked and cleaned, and did the other mom thing–kick Rachel off the computer–I went on Match.com. Oh, the pressure. So many elegible bachelors, so little time. I struggled to create a profile. I’m convinced that what I’ve got doesn’t translate well online. Could be because I’m not what you’d call ‘photogenic.’ Nope. Not even a little. My daughter is completely baffled. (And she was completely annoyed. Who do you think had to spend hours taking ‘candids’ of me posing? Yet still we’re on good speaking terms.)

Finally, the profile complete, the photos loaded, I awaited my approval and passed the time surfing. I had a list of favorites to compile. It was fun, like shopping, only for men. Same problems with fit though. I was forgiving. I was determined. And before long, I was being contacted.

Like Craigslist, my heart wasn’t into it. I spent too much time picking at flaws, they all had the same one: not S. And when I moved in, I deleted my profile and canceled my membership.

Of the various online dating services, this is the one I’d go with, if things went south and I had to throw myself back into the dating pool. I studied various models and found this one to be easiest to use, and most effective. I liked getting my Daily Five, a specially compiled list of guys I had something in common with. (Sometimes it was obscure like, ‘He likes to watch football just like you!’ They might as well have said, ‘He’s a mammal, just like you!’) And there were daily emails of guys that matched what I was looking for, and guys that were looking for someone like me. (That was always reassuring.)

In the online dating world, Match.com rules.

Tags: online dating
Posted in A Single Girl's Guide | 2 Comments »