Glossary

Here’s a glossary of common terms that have made their way onto my vocabulary that might require definitions to ensure readability…and entertainment.

Adult swim: the time in the evening when the kids are banned and the adults get to play

Alphabet Store: Spring’s name for the government owned liquor stores in North Carolina. Proper name: ABC Store. See also: One Stop Alphabet Shop.

Bubble-worthy: Term applied to any individual to see if they would fit in with The Bubble population.

Bubble-ready: Term applied to the condition a person needs to be in so as to better facilitate a painless transition into bubble life.

Elimidate: A date that ultimately results in a potential prospect being crossed off the list, a combination of the words ‘eliminate’ and ‘date.’

FFS: Abbreviation: For F***$ Sake. Perfect for blowing off steam without actually having to drop the f-bomb. Good for use around parents, small children, and anyone else who might object to such shocking language.

Foodgasm: that moment when you first eat something REALLY tasty and your whole body reacts, often characterized by the same reaction your body has to other pleasurable activities…

Gateway: Another word for shoplifting, as in “Check Makenzie’s purse! I think she may have gatewayed that martini glass.”

Gibbs: A cultural allusion to NCIS wherein Jethro Gibbs will smack people in the back of the head if they say or do something particularly stupid. Appropriate uses: ‘Don’t make me Gibbs you.’

Groundation: “A lot like foundation because it lasts so long!” (That was the chant my kids sang when I threatened it.)

Ham Sandwich: Alternative to the all too common ‘hell.’ Example of proper usage: “Rachel, why in the ham sandwich is your brother dangling from the ceiling fan?”

Holy Sweet Matrimony Water: Spring’s term for vodka once Jay started spouting marriage proposals regularly after ingesting it.

Momocracy: a government by the mom for the kids (democracy be damned!)

One Stop Alphabet Shop: My name for the government owned liquor stores in North Carolina. Proper name: ABC Store. See also: Alphabet Store.

Optimalist: Having an attitude somewhere between a pessimist and an optimist, but perkier than a realist. One who looks for the best in others and gives the best he or she has.

Pumpkin-thirty: translation: ‘time to go.’ Any word can be an indicator of time by adding ‘thirty’ to it. See also: shot-thirty and smoke-thirty

Shitake Mushrooms: Though it lacks some of the flair of Juno’s ‘Phuket, Thailand,’ this term is a standard replacement for the less appropriate and more shocking…you know.

Shot-thirty: translation: ‘time for a shot.’ For other words using ‘thirty’ see also: pumpkin-thirty and smoke-thirty

Sighne: a combination of a sigh and a whine

Smoke-thirty: translation: ‘time to smoke.’ (which I don’t do, by the way…I try to limit myself to one vice: food)

Spring Shot: term used to describe a half shot, aptly named for Spring, original pourer and recipient of small shots

Stupid: Used as an adjective, as in “This cake is stupid good!”

The Bubble: Affectionate term for our subdivision, so named because our only entrance is on the other side of a bridge and we seem to be in some kind of vortex where we often miss storms that hit everywhere else.

Thoroughbred: Term used to describe tall, thin, gorgeous women, ie: Donna and Tina.

Share and Enjoy: