The view from the tub. Know what would look great there?

It’s so pretty, I may write from there.

Yes, the bathroom is all but done.  It’s come a long way, baby.  Three weeks ago, S impulsively purchased an air chisel…and then came home to use it.  The bathroom was de-tiled in no time, and the bathroom remodel we had been discussing for over a year had begun.

See, we had survived with the shower in there not working for more than a year.  That’s what we do.  We make the best of a bad situation.  And since we didn’t have the money to remodel the bathroom at that moment, we had four people sharing one shower.  The toilet and sink still worked.  It wasn’t all bad.  At least that’s what we kept telling ourselves.

And with any remodel, it’s going to get waaaay worse before it gets better.  So, for weeks we have all been sharing one bathroom.  It created a closeness that I wasn’t comfortable with.  I had to confess to S in advance that…I poop.  I had kept it a secret for so long.  Even when we traveled together and shared a bathroom I had managed to keep it under wraps.  You can’t imagine the planning and preparation that took.  Ah, but for three years…I was the perfect lady.

When the only bathroom is in the master bedroom, you can see where it could create issues.  People have to go potty when we’re sleeping.  People having to arrange showers.  People all getting ready to leave in the morning with one sink, one toilet and one shower.  It sucked.

Now, that’s almost over.  The grout needs to be sealed.  Ah, but the toilet is functional.   Within a few short days, all will be well.  And soon enough we’ll forget the horrible inconvenience that the remodel caused.  Seeing how beautiful it is has already helped.

We responded like we do we with every remodel.

When we finished Rachel’s room, we laid on the floor in there and snuggled.  We looked around the room and talked about how we loved the triple crown and how great the color was.  (Although Rachel still sometimes thinks she would rather have that crazy purple.)

When we finished Keenan’s room, we laid in the top of his twin loft bed and admired the room.  We even fell asleep in there for about half the night.  And when I woke up and had to struggle down, I remembered why I hated loft beds.

Then there was last night with the bathroom.

After our tile guy left, we hung the mirror.  We hauled in the vanity.  He put the sink on top.  We had another Lowe’s run and picked up the toilet.  I returned from an emergency Lowe’s run with more plumbing supplies to find him seated on it in the garage a la The Thinker.

S: Try it out!   I think it’s the perfect height for you!

Yeah.  So I sat on the toilet in the garage for all the neighbors to see.  It felt weird.  Not for Rachel minutes later.  Oh, but that’s a whole new story.

We had family time in the bathroom.  Yes, Rachel ate some chicken wings at the sink while S and I installed the toilet and shared the rest of Austin’s cheesy bacon fries.  And I had to comment about it.

me: The only reason we’re all eating in here right now is because it hasn’t been tainted yet.

Everyone laughed and agreed.  The kids left to go get a movie.  And S and I sat in the tub together fully clothed.

S: I think we should take a bath.

me: The grout’s not sealed yet.  Soon.

And we talked about how the room turned out just as we imagined.  And we talked about how incredible it was.  And we talked about all the little details.  And we even talked about remodeling our bathroom.

me: I know you keep looking around and thinking that we haven’t done anything for us yet.  Look at all of this as practice.  We’re getting better.  And by the time we get our room done, we’ll have it down.

S: That’s right.  I can’t think of a single thing this bathroom needs.

Oh, but I’ve stayed at the Four Seasons in Palo Alto.  (Thanks, Yahoo!…)  I could think of one thing.

me: The only thing keeping this room from being a super duper high end remodel…tv over there.  We could watch it while we relaxed in the tub.

Oh, we’re not going to so this, mind you.  But it is so lovely to dream.

Buttercream Squash or Paris Mint? These are the options, people.

That’s what began Thursday night.  I knew that we had a window if we wanted to get the room painted and not have to edge.  I’m a lousy painter.  I’m a mediocre edger.  And so anything I could do to make this look good without having to be really careful was ideal.

me: Do you want me to pick the paint color or do you want to help me?

I don’t know why I asked.  I knew the answer.  He always had to be involved in the paint choices.  When he’s not, we have to paint again.  And we were on a time schedule.

S: No, I want to help choose.

And so we went to Lowe’s with the intention of bringing home paint.  It was a good plan…until we were faced with all these options and couldn’t agree.  It was actually comical.

S: Remember, whatever color we choose we have to live with for a while.

me: I remember.  That’s why I said no to that color.

Finally, we came to one agreement.  We couldn’t pick the paint that trip.  So we brought home loads of paint keys.  We had his stack of  vibrant greens, bold blues, and horrifying oranges.  We brought back my stack of soothing spa-like shades…celery, and soft blues, and pale yellows.

Rachel and Austin greeted us at the door.  It was our first family project: picking the paint.

me: Here’s the rules.  My vote counts twice.

S: Then my vote counts three times.

me: Then the kids better vote with me.

Austin: What’s wrong with that orange?

me: Austin, you just lost your vote, kid.  Maybe next time.

And we’re all squished into the bathroom hanging paint keys off the tile separators and nails.  And we’re criticizing all the colors.  And we’re holding the bullnose up to them to get the full effect.  Of course, there’s never a full effect until the room is entirely painted.

S: You can pick the paint.  If I hate it, we’ll just repaint.  And get a sample of that orange.

So, on my many many many errands…(Yes, I can use that many manies if the errands take me four hours.)  I picked up the glorious shade of green I had selected and the orange sample he requested.  I’m a good sport.

And the people at Lowe’s are used to us…especially in the paint department.

me: Make sure you do this one perfectly.  If not, the bathroom is going to look like this.

I held up that orange sample.  He made a face.

employee: So, I take it you want to get the paint with the primer built in then.

me: Heck, yeah.

And I had almost forgotten that I had posted the great paint debate on Facebook and Google+…until my phone chimed just as I was about to leave Lowe’s, paint in hand.  It was Laura sending me a random text.

Laura: The orange is too red and the green is too yellow.  Visit benjaminmoore.com to see their selection to go with the tile.

Naturally, I had to call her.

me: Love the text.  I already bought the paint.

Laura: You asked.

Yes, I asked.  Only I asked whether it should be the Paris Mint OR the Buttercream Squash.  I did not ask for other ideas.  We had already ruled out…all of them.  My mistake.  And really, I just wanted everyone to tell me my paint was best.  How did you miss that, people?!  And when I need that kind of support, I call Jennie.

Jennie: Oooh, spa colors!  I can’t wait to see it.

That’s right.  Jennie agreed with me.  And the results will speak for themselves.

The day started late…mostly because Saturday night ended late.  I wouldn’t have changed that for anything.  We spent the evening with some friends.  They recently purchased a fixer-upper and HE was helping out and offering advice from time to time.  It’s an occupational hazard.  Lawyers get asked for legal advice constantly.  Doctors are expected to offer up free consults to friends.  And contractors get asked to go over to friends’ houses under the guise of hanging out with a little remodeling thrown in.

We knew we were going to be working on the ceiling.  It was the main part of the plan.  And I was dying to see the new house, see what they had already done, and hear about their plans for the place.  I really love the slate tile that was laid in the entryway and that is going to be continued in the bathrooms and kitchen of the house.  I’ve always loved slate and it gave me the opportunity to ask HIM about using it in our house.  After a brief discussion, I’m cautiously optimistic that we’re on the same page with that.  (Most of the time…we are.)

Maybe that’s what prompted us to work on our own place.  Three more doors were installed.  And I love love love these doors.  They make such a dramatic improvement to the home.  We’re finally bringing it into the 21st century.  The home is a 1980s contemporary ranch.  It’s the same floor plan as my home, so it was a win win.  I get my dream home and my dream man.  How many people can say that?

And I so enjoy working on projects with him.  I love seeing our visions for the home coming to fruition.  We’ve done so many projects around here already.  I remember asking him when we broke up and I looked around at what I was leaving behind, at all we had accomplished together, how he could live here without me.

me: How will you be able to look around and see all of our memories?  How will you stand it?

HIM: I have to.  This is where I live.

Together we had touched every room in the place, but there was still so much more that we had planned to do.  And I really hated not getting to see it through.  His place had always felt like home to me, he had always felt like home to me.  So, moving back in felt right.  And being with him has always felt right.  And working together to make this place our dream…was simply right.

We stood back and looked around after we finished.  And I was smiling.  We had teased each other during the projects.  And we had joked.  There were no tantrums from my fiery red head when things didn’t go perfectly…which they never do in an older home.  It was downright boring.  It was so relaxing and peaceful.

The best part?  I think we finally have come to an agreement on the paint treatment for the great room.  It looks like there will be a nice Tuscan accents finish in a gold for the top portion of the wall.  Under the chair rail we’ll be using a taupe.  I can’t wait.  It’ll be so amazing once it’s finished.  And I know he plans on doing a three piece crown around the entire place.  I can’t wait to get started.  And it looks like I might not have to wait too long.  We’re working on a remodeling plan.

So, while we’re having more difficulty in coming up with a wedding plan, we’re making progress on our home.  And I can live with that.  Either way, we’re building a future.

Quick Karma:

• life is short; there is no time to waste

Then the ex and I bought the house.  He literally backed the U-haul up to the door and left me to it for three weeks.  He was opening a new restaurant and would come home to sleep for a few hours, but otherwise pretty much was a distant memory.

In the time that he was gone, I unpacked the entire house.  And without his input, I started making changes.  I changed out the hardware in the kitchen.  (And learned how to use a drill.  My first power tool.  I was sooo big!)  Then, I noticed a piece of wallpaper in the master bath that was peeling away from the wall.  So, I pulled.  Of course I did.

And I actually thought it through.  I knew that there was a danger that I’d find a huge mess or something underneath, but instead it was simply a painted wall.  There it was.  My first big remodel.  The bathroom needed a complete overhaul.  There was no storage, no place for toiletries, no room for towels.  The tile was original and beyond dated.  The toilet was, too.  The tub…I could work with.

So, I rented a steamer to remove the wallpaper, only to discover that the one wall with the gaping wallpaper was the only wall that had paint under it.  No, the other walls were three layers of wallpaper with horrible layers of paint in between, down to sheet rock that didn’t have any primer on it.  Can you say ‘nightmare?’  Oh, I was in remodeling hell.  And it only grew worse.

Much worse.  Soon my mother would be coming to visit and the thought of five people sharing one bathroom was more than I could fathom.  So, my plan was to have the bathroom walls repaired and primed.  It would at least be useable.  Then, once she departed, I would finish the remodel.  Yup.  That was my plan.

Only as I was drying my hair in the hall bathroom one morning, out of the corner of my eye, the toilet passed by.  Really.  And I paused as my mind tried to wrap itself around what had just happened.  Yeah, after swearing to never do any home remodeling projects, the ex decided to yank out the toilet without consulting me.

To say that the next two weeks were ugly would be a gross understatement.  See, he had just put the remodel on steroids.  Now we  had to remodel the entire bathroom.  There’s no putting in a new flange and new toilet and new wax ring on an old floor.  And in order to remove the floor, the cabinet and sink had to come out, which also meant taking down the mirror.  Oh, and since all that was being done, I might just as well scrape the popcorn off the ceiling.

That’s what started the massive remodel on a limited budget and fixed schedule.  Two weeks.  That’s all the time I had.  And those two weeks were a flurry of work for me, since I still had to do my regular job.  So, I’d start some project before work and recommence after work.  Yeah, me.  All me.  The only help I had was my sorta brother-in-law.  (Thank you, Rob!)  After you factor in labor, surety bonds, and other costs it sure beats hiring a contractor. 

Oh, and the ex drove a long long way away to pick up the linen cabinet.  Let’s face it.  He was safer there, far far away from me.  I used that time to demo the tile floor.  It was an act of blood, sweat, and tears.  (Those tiles were like little razors as they flew around the room.)

I learned one skill after another.  I learned how to use a tile saw.  I learned how to lay tile and mix leveler and grout.  I learned how to spackle and venetian plaster.  I learned I was a product person and not a project person.  I learned the ex and I had less in common than I thought.

When it was over, I was happy to be done.  When the marriage was over, I was fine with it being done.  When the house sells…or is forclosed on, I will be okay with it being gone.

Now, I have too much else going on.  I am working on the biggest remodel of my life.  Yeah, it’s the complete overhaul of my life.  It feels like a fire sale.  Everything must go go go!  It feels like a demo to the bare bones.  And what is left is being rebuilt from the foundation up.  It’s all new and shiny and improved.

I’m adapting to the changes.  I’m embracing this new life.  Like the remodels of the past, there have been some unexpected surprises.  I’m discovering friends I never knew I had.  I’m developing skills I never knew I needed.  And though I tend to be a product person, this time, I am enjoying the process.  It’s a good thing because this is going to take a while.  There are no quick fixes for my life, which is perfectly fine.  Anything worth doing is worth doing well.  Imagine what it will do for my resale value.

Quick Karma:

• people become what they expect themselves to become

Let’s just say, I could hear him jack-hammering out the slab from my house so that he could install the proper size pipe from his toilet to the sewer lines.  And then I was around a few days after that when he and one of his employees, Richard, were laying tile.  I proudly explained that I knew how to do that, use a tile saw and everything, since I had already remodeled my master bath.  The next thing you know, I’m grouting his bathroom, handmixing the grout and everything.

It was fun, working on a project together.  I hadn’t had that before.  It was one aspect of my dream relationship that I saw in S.  I envisioned entire home remodels with us working together, side by side.  I’d develop new skills, he’d respect my design ideas.  Ahhh.  Bliss.

And it has mostly been that way…although we have a way to go in the ‘respecting my design ideas’ department.  So, after we had been seeing each other for a few months, and I was staying over quite a bit, we started working on the house in earnest.  We were driving back from a decorating shopping trip, having purchased the star and clock that’s on the back patio when he finally spoke.

S: What if we remodel the bedroom?

me: Really?

S: I want you to feel comfortable there.  I want it to be our room.

All I could do at that point was beam.  I’m not even sure he realized what he was suggesting.  All I knew for certain was that he cared about my happiness and comfort and we were going to do another project together.  So, he came home with paint keys the next weekend and we selected a color for the accent wall behind the bed that wouldn’t clash too much with the bathroom color that we’re rather stuck with since the previous owners selected tile to match.

Rum Runner was purchased.  And we also gathered new blinds to keep anyone from peering in the window, and a curtain rod to replace the cornice, with nice chocolate microsuede curtains.  We found lamps for the nightstands that matched the floor lamp he had in there already.  And then it was a light fixture for over the bed to replace the ceiling fan, which would be relocated to the great room.

I won’t ever forget that weekend.  The shopping was fun.  Decorating together and finding our tastes meshed was great.  Then it was home to complete the work.

Spring and Jay were there with the kids.  (Jay still lived with S at that time.)  So the little ones wanted to help paint.  We let them write their names on the wall in primer.  Then S wrote our names with a big ol’ plus sign in between them, like we were in grade school.  I couldn’t stop glowing.

And when it was time to paint the room with Rum Runner, he worked on the window treatments, promising he’d help once he was done.  We wanted to reassemble the room so that we could go to bed at some point that night.  (These projects always seem to get a late start.)  It was already going on 10pm.

Well, he had a few shots, since it was a weekend.  And we proceeded to get to work.  I would catch him watching me once in a while in an admiring way.  And I should mention, I am not a good painter, or at least I wasn’t then.  I’ve had lots of practice since that has gone a long way to improving my abilities in that department.

And then the shots wore off.

S: (first frowning)  You’ve missed a few spots there, babe.

me: (studying the wall)  Where?

S: (Looking more closely, starting to panic)  And there are drips everywhere.  Where’s a roller?

Soon he’s rushing about trying to correct all my mistakes.  And he’s trying to train me how to do it properly.

S: Like this, see.  Really load up the roller and then smooth it out.  No drips.

And he’s demonstrating with finesse.

me: You were a lot more fun before the liquor wore off.

But I learned.  I learned that in order to make a remodeling project with S go more smoothly, I keep the freezer stocked.  And I learned how to paint better to avoid the issue to begin with.  And I learned that if I clean up really well, and smile and giggle, and pretty much charm him, then all is forgiven.

We were finishing the clean up that night when I saw him messing with the garbage can.

S: Look.

And I wandered over to see.  He had painted our initials on the garbage can lid.  It was there for posterity, or at least until the lid fell off.  And we kissed right there, next to the dirty, smelly, garbage can.

We kiss a lot during remodeling.  It’s better than fighting.  And we have done a lot of remodeling.  In fact, we’re remodeling the bedroom again soon.  This time, we’ll be scraping the ceiling and installing crown molding.  It’ll be a big project.  Our old paint job will be covered over.  It won’t matter that Lala and Lena’s names are hidden, or that our names are under layers of paint.  We’re building a future here, ever changing, ever improving.