Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

This is the key to handling life…

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

I love this quote.  And this picture.  What truly strikes me, however, is that this seems to be the way we live our life.

We have been hit with some serious storms.  We have more than battled our share of gusts.  And yet, we still manage to press on.  It’s all about adjusting the sails.

I read things like this all the time on Facebook from friends.  There are some people who complain that they try so hard to be positive and then something will just foul it all up.  Then they end up in a funk.  I understand.  But there’s something I’ve learned.  If you can’t change something, there’s no reason to worry about it.  And if you can change it, there’s no reason to worry about it.  Ultimately, there is no reason to worry.  See?

Then there is the challenge of how to deal with regret.  Everyone makes mistakes.

Because the reality is that we learn the most when we make mistakes.  Not making mistakes means that you are playing life too safe.  When you make mistakes, you know that you are truly living, truly taking chances, and things won’t always go well.  No matter what, choose to be happy.  Let go of the past.

Enough said.

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It wasn’t dull…

Monday, February 13th, 2012

Kenna seemed to be on a steady decline after her try with the CPAP.  She made it a miraculous 24 hours, but I swear it very nearly did her in.  We even took a crazy late night drive to the hospital…at S’s suggestion.  It was scary.  She looked horrible.  And while I was quick to keep up on my posts, I, otherwise, didn’t have so much to say.  I didn’t want to talk on the phone.  I just wanted to write and be quiet.

By Friday, she looked like she was on an upswing, but then Saturday morning, I was crushed again.  Her blood gases were showing that she was acidotic.  The nurse sounded concerned, so I did the research.  Untreated, undiagnosed, it could be deadly.  And I was dying to talk to a doctor.

I managed to get my wish before we took our niece and nephew to a bowling birthday party.  This is what good aunts and uncles do when the parents have to work.  We like being a good aunt and uncle.  And we love love love spending time with the kids, so we agreed to take them.

The doctor confirmed that she was acidotic, but only mildly.  That’s how good they are.  They are just on top of things.  And then he went on and on about how pleased he is with her feedings.  Apparently, feeding is the most important thing…it cures a world of issues…like lungs, and liver, and who knows what else.  Most preemies have to start and stop, but not Kenna.  She eats like a champ.  And rumor has it that she starts to get agitated as it nears her feeding time.  She worries that she won’t get fed.  Huh.  Wonder which parent she gets that from.  Okay, you got me.  Guilty.

So, I was able to relax and enjoy the kids.  I managed to live in the moment, instead of living in fear.  We managed to get the car seats loaded into my vehicle, then the kids.  We took a four year old and a two year old to a bowling birthday party…because there’s three things that don’t go together.  And we survived.  S chalks all these moments up to learning and preparing for Kenna.  We do that a lot.

By Sunday night, she was truly on the mend.  She was more active again.  And she was gaining weight.  She is now up to 1lb 4.5ounces.  She’s our big growing girl.

And now here we are.  Monday morning.  Kenna is five weeks old now.  She’s doing well.  She’s stable.  She’s even thriving in some areas.  We are blessed.  We know this.

Sunday was a night of long talks.  S said some pretty things.  He told me how much he loves me.  He explained how lucky he feels to be able to be married to someone he loves and is in love with, to be able to have a child together, to be building this life and this business together.  And I feel lucky, too.  He reminded me that he’d never leave me, never give me a reason to leave him.  That counts for more than you know.

It’s very nearly tangible now…this future we dream of.  Our life promises to stay interesting.  We wouldn’t have it any other way.  We’re good.  In fact, we’ve never been better.  And Kenna, we are preparing for her imminent arrival.  It won’t be soon enough.  Somehow, we’ll make it…because there is love.

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They can’t all be good nights…I guess…

Friday, February 10th, 2012

Kenna's footprints in Mawmaw Vicki's hand.

So, I went yesterday to visit Kenna while S was working.  I had met a friend for lunch.  I ate sushi for the first time since I was pregnant.  And it was good.

The visit was good, too.  I managed to time it just right to get plenty of hands on time with Kenna.  I changed my first poopy diaper.  I helped hold her while her bedding was changed.  I took her temperature.

And while I did all this care, I was struck by how calm she was…uncharacteristically calm.  And I tried to chalk it up to her being tired.  She hadn’t opened her eyes as she normally tried to do when she heard my voice.  And she didn’t take a swing at me like she did with the nurses when they tried to care for her.

So, I went home and loaded more pictures of Kenna on the computer.  I tried to get more writing done.  I tried to enjoy my night with Keenan and S.  It had all the makings of a good night.  There was a good dinner.  There was good conversation.  Kenna was a month old.

The worry stuck with me though.  I called the hospital earlier than normal, 10pm instead of midnight.  And the call left me unnerved.  My baby girl had a new nurse, and she wasn’t doing well.  She had been re-intubated because she was desating…a lot.  And her settings had been adjusted on the vent.  And when I heard what the settings were, I grew more concerned.  The tears started the moment I ended the call.

S: What’s up?

And I tried to explain my concerns.  I knew all the details, but he rarely wanted to be bothered with them.  He would simply dismiss my worries, chalk them up to a mama’s fears, and then tell me everything was fine.  Kenna was good.

Only this time he listened.  He really listened as tears poured down my face.

me: I know Kenna’s a fighter, but right now, I’m afraid that she’s worn out, that she doesn’t have any fight left in her.

He was quiet for a moment before gathering me in his arms.  He hugged me close and I hugged him back.

S: Maybe she just misses her daddy.  Maybe she needs to hear my voice.  Let’s go to the hospital.

me: Right now?

I glanced at the clock.  It was 10:30pm.  And so we left.  While he drove I updated my Facebook status.

S: Are you Facebooking?

me: I need people to be thinking of her.

He suddenly understood.  We made it to the hospital right around 11pm.  Kenna struggled to open her eyes when she heard our voices.  And we felt slightly better.  Then I looked at the settings and explained everything to S.  Only he didn’t believe me or didn’t get it until the nurse explained it.

S: So how many breaths is she taking over the vent?

I shook my head.  I already knew the answer.  I had already told him.  The nurse frowned.

nurse: She isn’t.  She’s riding the vent.

For the first time, S had a grave look on his face as he spoke with his baby girl.  I left him to it.  The nurse was speaking to me.  And as she spoke, she pulled from her badge around her neck a copy of Kenna’s foot prints on a heart.  I had seen them before.  I had a copy on the fridge and Vicki had some, made a copy for Mawmaw.  But here was this nurse who had never cared for Kenna before, carrying her footprints around.

nurse: A lot of us have them.  We all wear them with our name tags.  She’s pretty special.

I could have cried again.  The nurses, even nurses who hadn’t cared for Kenna, were wearing her footprints on a heart near theirs.  My sweet soul was touching others…always.  People were thinking of her.

Her sats were lousy.  And her blood gases were lousy.  And it was nearing midnight.

S had taken his sleeping pill before I had called the hospital.  I knew he had rallied for me.  I knew that he had wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but knew I wouldn’t sleep unless I had seen Kenna for myself.  I knew all this from the way he spoke to me on the ride, the way he held me in the elevator, the very look on his face.

We couldn’t do anything more.  So, we took the nurse’s advice and went home.  I was on the phone with her again by 6am.  And the consensus was that Kenna was gradually improving.  She was now breathing 5 over the vent.  Her blood gases were improving.  She was a little more active.  At 3am she had been wide awake and looking around.

I know this is a rollercoaster, life in the NICU.  And I know that we’ve had more good nights than bad.  I know every moment of every day how lucky we are.  And I know that we have plenty of people thinking about Kenna all the time.  That gives all of us strength.

Thank you for that.

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Conquering one problem at a time…

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

We go to the hospital every day.  And we have developed a few rituals during that time.  It has been almost a month.  In fact, as of today, we have earned free parking.  Yeah.  It’s the one perk of having a baby in the NICU for a month.

Our ritual is we head to the NICU.  We wash.  We visit with Kenna.  And then…we grab a soda from the vending machine and usually a king size KitKat and…a rice krispie treat from the cafeteria.

These little rituals keep us sane.  They give us something to look forward to.  S loves his rice krispie treat.  We end up going to the cafeteria and weighing the treats.  We find the one that best resembles the marshmallow brick.  And that is the one that he eats on the way home.

Only lately, the treats have left a little something to be desired.  The last few times, the treats were more like stale rice krispies, greasy krispies, and not so much treat.  The marshmallowy goodness was nowhere to be found.

Well, I had my chance to snuggle with Kenna today.  It was my turn for kangaroo care.  I held her as she cooed.  I held her as she wriggled on my chest.  It was so perfect.  She couldn’t stop speaking to me.  And I loved every minute of it.

While I was snuggling and after S had finished kissing all over both of us, he went to get a drink from the cafeteria.  I didn’t mind.  I was enjoying the quiet time with my girl.

Then he returned.

S: I spoke to the woman in the cafeteria about the rice krispie treats.

I laughed.  This is one of the many reasons I love this man.  When he wants something to change, he fixes it.

S: I asked her what was going on with the rice krispie treats.  I told her we were going to be here for another three months and how they needed to be fixed.

me: Fantastic.  So now that we’ve solved this problem, let’s work on our next challenge.

We had to try to make sure Kenna had consistent care.  Now that she had been through enough nurses, we knew who our favorites were.  We had to find out how to assign her primary care nurses.

So we walked around the NICU and talked to some of our favorite nurses.

me: Do you feel comfortable with Kenna?

one of our choices: Yes.

me: Will you please sign up to be one of her primary care nurses?

Apparently, if we want her to always be with someone we are comfortable with, we have to have many primary care nurses.  This could take a few days, but I’m confident we’ll solve that challenge like we solve all the rest of our challenges…with a little patience and a lot of effort.

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The makings of a perfect weekend…

Monday, February 6th, 2012

Even the micro-preemie hat is too big for Kenna.

We had a lot planned.  And in all honesty, the weekend could have gone either way.  The stress of it all, the constant motion, the demands on our time could have resulted in a meltdown, or we could really have the best weekend that we’ve had in a long time.

And thankfully…it all went right.

We managed to make it to the hospital before dinner with our friends on Friday night at Monterrey’s.  It’s our spot.  And it is the one place we all get together on occasion…and for special occasions.  This occasion…Lonnie and Lindsay were giving up Monterry’s and a long list of items for Lent.  We had to fulfill their Monterrey’s fix and fast.  So we did.

That night, I called the hospital.  It was the best news I’d had in a long time.  The gist of it was that Kenna was stable…good even.  And they were going to be allowing us to do kangaroo care.  S and I were ecstatic.  Our first chance to hold Kenna.  Yay!

We knew that even though we were going to visit on Saturday that it wouldn’t be a good day for kangaroo care.  No, we were going to be covered in kid germs.  Oh, but I’ll get to that part.  The main idea is that other than the Superbowl, we had big plans for Sunday.

So, Saturday morning came early.  We had to go to Belmont to show two of our three boats.  You may recall that we traded our one live aboard sailboat for three boats.  Yes…three boats.  One pontoon boat that we imagined using with friends and family on the area lakes, and two sailing vessels: a Hobie Cat and a Sunfish that we knew we’d never use.  Our money was tied up in boats.  And over the winter, we felt it, but knew we’d never be able to remedy it.

The weather has been unseasonably warm, so I put up an ad on my buddy Craigslist.  We had calls and showings galore.  Last weekend we almost sold the pontoon boat.  And this weekend…we sold all three.  And it couldn’t have come at a better time.  We had insurance due in a huge lump sum, we had numerous payments due, and S was struggling to figure out where we were going to get the money.

I figured I’d just have to find this elusive black market and sell a kidney.  No harm.  No foul.

Only…now I can keep my kidneys!  And we have the money to pay those bills.  And that is all.  And that is enough.  It’s a start.

So, we did that.  We sold two boats on Saturday.  We left Belmont to the west of Charlotte and ran to Mint Hill on the far east of Charlotte to sign a contract with a homeowner.  And then we shopped for Emma’s birthday before heading back to Belmont to…Emma’s birthday.  Our cute little ginger niece turned 4.

It was a great party…black light 3-D mini golf.  We love mini golf.  And we love our niece and nephew, too.  Dad was there.  There was much joking around…and cake.  I love cake.  And birthday cake ice cream…which was like…double cake.

Then it was off to the hospital where we managed to feed and change and take Kenna’s temp.  She was sleepy, so we didn’t stay long, but we more than made up for it on Sunday.

Saturday was a long day.  And our only disappointment was the sheer exhaustion…we didn’t make it home until 9pm…and The Hangover Part Two. Don’t do it.  We rented it.  And regretted it.

Then it was Sunday.  And I was doing everything I could to get ready for our visit with Kenna.  I did the grocery shopping while S slept.  I picked up.  I showered.  I was good to go.  Then…an email.  There was a guy who had seen our Hobie Cat the weekend before.  And he wanted to buy it.  Could we really sell all three boats all at once in one weekend?  Apparently.  Our life is full of miracles right now.

So S made the deal while I made brownies…because if you’re grocery shopping and find Gheridelli brownies on sale for $1.92…you buy them!  And then we left for the hospital.  It was a long and amazing visit.  S held Kenna for nearly an hour and a half.  It was perfect.  Check it out.  And I recorded the event for posterity.  I even took a video of Kenna making happy snuggling noises and talking with us.

Then we went home and sold the other boat.

It was a magical weekend.  It was just the kind of weekend we needed, filled with work and fun, with business and pleasure, with family and friends.  There were moments we’ll treasure forever, and moments that truly saved our financial life.  Maybe life is on the upswing.  Our visit with Kenna are.

I know with absolute certainty…we are blessed.

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And then the phone rang…

Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

Tuesday.  Was it really only Tuesday?  I have to tell you, life in the NICU is different.  It runs on its own special time.  There are no true weekends, no days of rest, no days off.

But yes, it was just Tuesday.

I had called the nurse in the morning feeling all happy and confident.  Kenna had responded so well to the new steroids.  Her breathing was much better, her settings changed, and the overall outlook…very positive.  And that’s when I always get yanked back down to earth by the universe.  The universe was all you’re too happy, too comfortable…take that! And then I heard the report from Kenna’s nurse.

Yes, Kenna had a few bradys the night before.  Her heart had slowed dangerously.  She had required intervention to get it together.  And the end result was that a new echo was ordered and her forward progress instantly halted.

I was beside myself that morning, while S slept.  And I tried to distract myself for as long as I could…which was about ten minutes…before I woke him to suffer with me.  Only S doesn’t suffer with me.  He’s a dad.

S: Kenna’s fine.

Only in my mind, she wasn’t fine and he needed to get up and get his to do list done so we could get the heck up to the hospital.  I needed to see my baby.

By the time we were heading up there, it was noon.  And he knew not to do anything to hinder our progress.  We made it there in record time.  I drove.  I like driving.  And I needed to feel in control of something.  That something was my vehicle.

We studied Kenna critically.  We worried over what we imagined might be a distended belly.  We agonized over her coloring.  Was she yellower than before?  We saw that she had already removed her gavage tube.  Yes, she’s crafty like that.  And I’m convinced she’d rather use a bottle than that tube.   My baby wants to taste and suck.  She had figured out how to get some of the dangling tape into her mouth and was sucking on that for emphasis.

The report from the nurse formerly known as nurse doom…was positive.  (Hence my renaming of her to nurse optimist.)  And she explained that Kenna’s reaction to our presence…high sats…was a good thing.  She told us that her belly was the same exact size it had been.  She measured it.  And she tried to find the doctor to talk to us.  I love this doctor…the same one there for Kenna’s delivery.

While he wasn’t available to talk then, she assured us he would call with news once he had examined her and had received the labs and test results.

That’s why the phone rang mid-afternoon.  And that’s why I answered it.  And that’s why we had some seriously good news.

This doctor calls Kenna a special case, an unusual case.  And she is.  She defies the odds.  She is a toughy, a fighter.  He had moved her to a regular ventilator.  He felt her earlier bradys were her way of letting him know that she had had enough of the oscillator.  We’ll see how she does.  But her labs show that she isn’t having trouble making albumin and he’s convinced the bad bilirubin will be remedied if they can just get her to poop more.  That’s why more glycerin has been ordered.

Once again he sounded pleased…amazed even as he reported her results.  And I don’t know why.  Kenna is one determined baby girl.  Just watch her grow.

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It’s one of those days…

Monday, January 30th, 2012

I should be really happy today.  Kenna is three weeks old.  She finally pooped and now we’re just waiting to hear that her lungs are improving from the new steroid treatment.  She’s old enough that they don’t expect her to suffer any of the potential side effects that are a risk for newborns.  While she’s nowhere near the size of the newborns and gestationally she should only be 27 weeks in utero…she is technically…three weeks old.

And I should be really happy about that.  And I am, but this happiness is overshadowed.

Rachel graduates today.

There’s a name you haven’t heard in a while.  And there are reasons for that, reasons I don’t understand.  All I know is that she moved out, moved in with her boyfriend and hasn’t spoken to me since.  She kept her word.  In our last conversation, she told me she was never going to speak to me again.

I have tried to call several times, but she sent me straight to voice mail.  I even sent a congratulations text when I heard she was graduating.  She didn’t respond.  So Rachel has kept her word.  She’s still not speaking to me.

We talk about her sometimes…S and I.  We have to because now we have a daughter.  And I’m afraid that I will go through all this again and just lose her in the end.  Luckily, I have S to talk me off the ledge.

S: Kenna’s my daughter, too.  It will be different.  She’ll have two parents who work together, instead of one parent who undermines the other.

I sniffled and nodded.

S: Our relationship is different.  We’re going to raise Kenna different.

He’s right.  Our relationship is different.  He’s home at night and on weekends.  He spends time with me.  He includes me in everything.  We don’t have secrets.  Our lives are blissfully intertwined because of work.

I remember when I separated from the ex.  We had been married for fifteen years and it was easy to separate from him…we were less together than S and I are now.  Crazy, huh?  We had two kids.  We had a house.  We had vehicles.  And yet…there was nothing to it.  I can’t say the same for the kind of life S and I have.  It wouldn’t be that easy.

And I’m glad of that.  I’m thrilled for the life we have.  The life we’re going to have.

I was telling Kenna all about it yesterday.  She was listening so attentively as I told her about all the many places we would go and the many things daddy and I couldn’t wait to do with her.  I told her how her father and I were known for our side trips.  I told her about the time we visited Jennie and got lost, so we ended up going to the zoo.  And I told her about the time we had such a rough sailing vacation last summer that we had to take a vacation from our vacation and stopped in Myrtle Beach on the way home from Charleston.  And I told her that I couldn’t wait to take her and daddy to Atlanta.  I have a love affair with the Georgia Aquarium.  And I can’t wait to see her play in the fountains at Olympic Park.

So, I’m powering through the rest of today, which promises to be a challenging day.  We have an insurance audit that I have no choice in attending and a graduation I’m not invited to.  Sounds about right.

And I’m going to focus on the happy and the things I can control.  Kenna is my happy…even though her health is out of my control.

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Sometimes there are happy endings after an unhappy day…

Saturday, January 28th, 2012

A dawn from better days...at our boat in Charleston.

We were up at the butt crack of dawn on Friday.  S had to leave the house by 7am to do some work.  He had warned me he might be gone all day, but instead was done by 10:30am.

I was looking forward to my time.  When he’s home, he finds just shy of three million things for me to do…things that can only be done by me…and then he takes a nap.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like him well rested.  Sleep deprived S is a grizzly bear.  So, I usually get to work and let him sleep.

Only, this means that I don’t get much done that I need and want to do.  And I have so very much that I need to get done these days.  Really I do.  And that’s why his return at 10:30am was a bit of a disappointment.

We accomplished a few things and I let him nap while I went for a very long walk.  And it was only knowing that he hates being disturbed during these naps and that it wasn’t a true emergency on my part that kept me from calling him to come pick me up from my walk.  Yes, this is one of those ‘my eyes were bigger than my stomach’ moments only I haven’t taken the time to figure out how to relate that to walking post c-section and over estimating my abilities instead it relating to food.  I’m better with food.  Which probably also explains my need to exercise.  Welcome to my vicious circle.

I had posted the pontoon boat on Craigslist.  We need to sell it.  And the weather was beautiful yesterday…unseasonably warm, perfect sky.  Anyone with a few dollars burning a hole in their pocket was thinking boat yesterday.  And many of them called.  So, we had to drive to S’s sister’s a half hour away the other direction from the hospital to show the boat.

And I figured we’d have plenty of time to get to the hospital since…it was only 3:30pm.  The last guy to see it was coming at 5:30pm.  It was going to be great.  Spend a little time with his father and niece and nephew while S showed the boat and his sister and her husband were at work.  Then go see Kenna.

Only…upon exiting the vehicle, I realized my tired was losing air through a nail hole.  Because that’s how my luck goes.  And the guy who said he wanted to buy the boat at 6pm said he’d be back in an hour with the deposit only he never showed up.  And that’s how our luck goes.  And nothing was going according to plan, which didn’t phase me much, but for some reason seemed to be shocking the heck out of S despite his aforementioned acceptance of our lousy luck.

So we made some phone calls, attempted some problem solving, and S managed to convince the guy at Sears to have pity on us since we were nowhere near home and really needed to get there.  That was nothing like our luck and reassured S that there were good and kind people in this world.  Huh.

That’s why I was alone with the kids while the guys left.  And that’s why I went so long without pumping that I was beyond uncomfortable when the vehicle was finally repaired and we had eaten dinner at 9pm.  And that’s why we didn’t make it to the hospital even though I had vowed to go every day.

S reminded me that we couldn’t afford it.  And I held my tongue because…I know he’s right and things keep creeping up, or losing air, or needing repair, or not going as planned.  So, I guess we’re really grateful that Vicki, S’s step-mom, started the Caring for Kenna charity.  She’s wise and thoughtful.  She saw that we were hemorrhaging money and did something about it.  So, thank you, Vicki.

I was already sad on the drive home.  I felt like the worst mom ever.  And that’s when S and I had a talk.  And it started something like this…

S: I should have married for money.

me: What did you marry for?

S: I don’t know.

me: Love the honesty.

S: Nicki, I’m kidding.  I married because it made sense.

me: How romantic.

S: Seriously, you know I married you because I love you.  (He looked at me then, staring out the window.)  You do know I love you, right? (And he started petting my hair.) Because I just said it and everything.

me: I know.

S: Nicki, we couldn’t make it through all this if we didn’t love each other.  It just wouldn’t be possible without love.

I smiled then…because for a moment…he sounded just like me.

It’s the dawning of a new day.  A fresh start.  Maybe the boat will sell today.  We’ll definitely make it to the hospital.  And we have a friend’s birthday celebration tonight.  It will be a good day for life and love.

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Kenna’s gift for the rest of us…

Friday, January 27th, 2012

Babies are a blessing.  We all know this.  Some of us are just more acutely aware of this than others.  Take my cousin, for example, who is even as I write…struggling to get pregnant on another…her last…IVF cycle.  And then there are those like me who get pregnant easily, but have the darndest time staying pregnant.

My babies are such a blessing.

There’s something I never anticipated, however.  And that is…the gift that Kenna would give to us.

I’m not sure where to begin.

How about with…family is everything.  At least…it is to me.  I’ve always longed to have this big close family.  It’s what I’ve always been drawn to.  I grew up with a small family.  And we were close.  We did church together and Sunday lunch together and all of our holidays together.  And then I married.  I tried to have the family I had growing up.  Only the ex never wanted to go to church with us and his family messed up most holidays.  So, when I had the urge to move south, to start anew…the pull of promise was so much greater than all I was leaving behind.

I had hoped that the ex and I could have a new start far away from our problems.  Only…that didn’t happen.  I held on as long as I could.  Maybe I held on too long.  All that matters is that I’m happy now and I feel like I am where I was meant to be.  I’m having my second chance at love, at life, at family.

So Kenna was a gift.  She was so hard to come by.  And every day is still touch and go.

My dream of a family…still alive and kicking even though it has seemed so far away.

Rachel had moved out.  I was having issues with other family members.  S wasn’t feeling particularly warm and fuzzy toward his family.  And it felt like it was the two of us against the world.

Then Kenna was born.  Everything changed.

Dad and Vicki were at the hospital all day with us.  And I felt guilty because they arrived just before I was getting prepped for surgery.  It made for a long day for them.  It had already been a long day for us.

They stayed to see Kenna.  They stayed to see me.  We all talked once I was in my room.  And there were more visits, lots of visits, so many visits that the time in the hospital was a blur.  Dad and Vicki and Mawmaw and Christie, S’s sister, and Lonnie and Lindsay all spent time with me.  S was a constant fixture.

It didn’t end there.

That was just the beginning.

Soon, there was more healing.  Lots of healing.  Relationships that were strained…healed.  And I am so very happy about that.

It’s like a wonderful unexpected gift.  Kenna’s gift for us.

Babies are a blessing.  They have a wonderful way of bringing people together, reminding them how precious life is.  Ah, but Kenna has done even more.  She has given all of us a common goal.  We are all working together, getting closer, talking more, interacting more, all because we want Kenna to live.  It’s a gift that transcends family.

I am now getting closer to people I haven’t been close to for years…maybe ever.  Mere acquaintances have become friends.  And friends…well they are now family.  It’s not a bad way to live.

Kenna has quite the reach.

And I’m hoping her gift doesn’t begin and end with our family.  I’m hoping that everyone who reads is touched by my baby girl.  My wish for all of you is that you realize what a gift life is, how precious time is and that you stop wasting both.  I hope that you think about Kenna and snuggle closer to your spouse, kiss your kids more, pet your pooch, call your mom, make up with anyone you need to.

Think of Kenna and know that life and time are a precious gift.  Make the most of them.

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