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Meet The Boy

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

It has occurred to me that the postings are slightly skewed. I do tend to write a lot more about Rachel. And if you met Rachel you’d understand. Loads of personality. She has a way of dominating a conversation, a way of stealing the spotlight. And Keenan doesn’t seem to mind being the wallpaper in her life.

My guess would be that it’s because she includes him. They get along amazingly well, even when everyone swore that they wouldn’t. Believe it or not, people thought Rachel would grow to resent him for all the attention he required as an infant. (He was a thirty week premie that weighed in at a whopping 2 lbs 10 oz. at birth.) Instead, the poor kid never stood a chance. He’s had two mothers from the start. And now because of it, he often behaves as Rachel’s man servant, which annoys me greatly.

Keenan will be minding his own business, doing his own thing, which usually means video games, when Rachel will yell for him. He’ll patiently drop what he’s doing, and see what she wants. Too often, he hears, “Can you get me a drink?” Way too often. I’m looking forward to the day he stops indulging her.

Well, the boy is coming into his own. He’s starting to show his personality. And his favorite target is Rachel. He’s subtle. I’ve been calling Rachel a ‘heiffer’ for years. (She’s a size 3, so it isn’t that.) But he will run with it. If Rachel’s hogging the couch he’ll say, “Hey, moooove over.” We’ll laugh. She’ll pretend she’s getting a complex. The balance is restored.

I can’t wait to see how the little boy I never knew I always wanted turns out. He’s starting middle school soon. And in honor of the occasion, he’s growing his hair all summer. I’m adjusting to the mop on his head. Apparently it’s very fashionable, all the cool boys are doing it. I just hope he’s never too cool to hang with his mother.

Tags: child rearing, Parenting
Posted in Parenting | 1 Comment »

Doesn’t Make Me a Bad Mom

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

Tuesday night is traditionally a Carmella’s night. (Carmella’s being the local pizza place/bar…mostly pizza?) And the reason it has to fall on a Tuesday? $1 slice night, baby!

We tried to do the family thing, meet Jay and Spring there, have a meal out in public together, just four adults outnumbered by five kids ages five to fifteen. Ahhh. It’s a well known fact that if you don’t get to Carmella’s before 6pm, you’re not eating there. We arrived at 6:30pm. Right. S made an executive decision and herded my kids back to the car while I said our goodbyes.

And we came up with plan B: Longhorn. Seemed like a good idea at the time. We don’t take the kids out in public much. I thought it was because of money, but now I’ve reconsidered.

For the next hour, everything I said began with ‘Rachel!’ Keep in mind, she’s FIFTEEN! It was ‘Rachel, don’t steal food off your brother’s plate!’ ‘Rachel, stop hogging the butter.’ ‘Rachel, did you really just steal the last of the sour cream?’

By the time dinner was over, I was exhausted. I’m backing out of the parking space and she’s now making car noises: revving engines, changing gears, etc. And I lost it.

Me: For the love of God, shut up before I pull out a gun and tranq you!

The entire car went silent then, for a moment. Then everyone burst out laughing. Everyone but Rachel.

Rachel: Did you really just threaten to tranq me?

Me: Yup.

S: Think it would work?

Me: It’ll help me. It’s either that or a valium salt lick will be installed inside the front door.

S: I don’t think that would work.

Me: Oh, no, that’s for me.

Ah. And we look back on these moments and laugh. Doesn’t make me a bad mom, right?

Tags: child rearing, humor, Parenting
Posted in Parenting | 33 Comments »

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

It was early March when I received yet another phone call at work from Rachel’s English teacher. And my first thought is, of course, “What has she done now?” (Although it’s really always about what she hasn’t done.)

I love my lazy children. And this is why.

Her teacher announces that Rachel has failed to turn in her portion of the group research paper. Great.

me: So, what are the parameters of the assignment? I’ll make sure you have it tomorrow. (If she has to pull an all-nighter.)

English teacher (henceforth, et): Well, she had to read a book, then write a paper on it.

me: How long does it have to be?

et: A page and a half, double spaced.

me: What? She writes longer text messages!

et (laughing): I’m sure. Now don’t be too hard on her. She said she did it, but that the cat turned off the computer.

At this point, I want to laugh. me: Did she happen to mention which one of our lazy, albeit highly evolved cats did this?

et: No.

me: Thanks for the call. You’ll have your paper tomorrow.

At this point, I’m dying because I have to wait to nail Rachel. And really, I was rather looking forward to it. I pick her (and Ashley, who thinks she’s my other daughter) up from play practice. Before she can even sit down, I ask which cat turned off the computer thereby preventing her from completing her assigned work.

Rachel (already looking guilty and biting her lip): Ummm, Sophie?

me: Hah! She weighs what? Two pounds? You should’ve gone with Harry.

Then I announced that she needed to take out a piece of paper and something to write with since she was no longer allowed to speak until she finished her paper. She tried to argue with me, which she found particularly frustrating while writing. Then we stopped at the local market to pick up some bread.

me: And remember…no speaking. So, if you find the rosemary foccia bread, simply wave your hands in the air wildly until I see you.

It was a good night. It was a quiet night. It was the night I became a legend at her high school. Believe it or not, the kids heard about the entire incident through Ashley and thought the punishment was brilliant.

I’m not sure it had the same pinache as the ‘you’re grounded until you’re married’ time, but that’s a whole different story.

Tags: child rearing, punishment
Posted in Parenting | 1 Comment »

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