Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

Happiness is what happens you think you’re not in the mood…

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

I really wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere yesterday.  I was stressed to the max with a lot of writing to complete and issues with the ex.  Our divorce is going about as well as the marriage.  Maybe worse.

So, I was really struggling to meet some of my obligations.  I had already agreed to go to a luncheon for a company that wants to work with me.  It was being held at a nice restaurant in South Park.  (Charlotte is divided up into areas to help people find things.)  And I hate not following through once I’ve given my word, so I dug deep and went.

And I wasn’t really happy about it.

S and I had discussed it in advance.  One of his exes may or may not be working there anymore.  Yay.  Of course, if we based our life around all of his exes, we’d either have to move out of town or never leave the house.  That wasn’t going to sway me.  All I knew was that I wanted bread and free food.  It could often go a long way to soothing my spirits.

I had predicted a two hour lunch.  And I was right.  Now let me also explain that there are two hour lunches where you are dying to leave and just want it all to be over, and there are two hour lunches where you look down at your phone and think…has it really been two hours already?

This was the second one.

I knew I was going to like these women when I sat down and one of them began talking to me.

cool chick: So, have your boobs grown a lot with the pregnancy?

me: Not really.

cool chick: Nicely done.

What can I say?  Nothing like boob talk to break the ice.

And it only became more fun from there.  They are an astute and interesting group.  They quickly realized that I am on my first child with my second husband who has never been married before or had a child.  And that was all from guessing.  They saw me glowing when I spoke about him and all decided that they wanted a second husband.

company chick: Oh, are you single moms?

response: No.  We’re married.  Second husbands just seem so much better.

And in my experience, they are better.  Or maybe it’s just because I picked more wisely this time.  I have never had so much love and support.

Before he left for work, he hugged me and held me like he didn’t want to let go, then he turned his attention to the baby.  We have a contender for the girl name and have started using it.  He loved and kissed on the belly before departing.  That helped with more becoming right in my world.

Oh, but the luncheon was great, a combination of all the right ingredients: good people, good food, and great conversation.  These are women I would definitely love to start a friendship with.  And when they insisted I eat dessert, we were well on our way.

There are some details to be finalized, but expect this all to translate into some good deals for you, too.  You know I’m looking out for you.  I want you to find your happy, too.

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Happiness is watching him grow…

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

Today is Keenan’s birthday.  The boy turns 14.  Actually, he was officially 14 at 4:21 am.  And like most mothers, I remember it well.

Like every other aspect of my life, it was not without its share of drama.  It had been Halloween weekend.  I was 30 weeks pregnant and exhausted.  My now ex husband was working, but insisted I take our three year old Trick-or-Treating.  He was sensitive like that.  Still is.

So, I dragged Rachel around.  And eventually we made it home and I about collapsed.  Too soon, football Sunday had arrived with company and cleaning, oh my.  And by the time everyone left that night, I wasn’t feeling well and I hadn’t felt the baby move in some time.

I did the milk test.  You know, drink some milk, lay still, count the movements.  And I failed.  Three weak movements in thirty minutes.  Not good.

I called the doctor who told me that while he would tell most patients to come in first thing in the morning, he’d be meeting me at the hospital immediately.  And even though it was about 8 o’clock at night and I was already exhausted, I drove to the hospital alone.  There was blood drawn and tests performed and one-by-one, it became obvious I was there for a while.

Doctor: We’re keeping you over night.  Your blood pressure is high.

And even though I had been complaining of contractions for weeks, this time the monitor caught them.  And it caught something else, too.  Every time I had a contraction, the baby’s heart rate dropped.  The nurse who checked on me dropped my bed head down in a flash, tore off the printout, and bolted from the room.  That didn’t help my blood pressure.

Soon, I was being prepped for the ambulance ride to Vermont where they had a high risk maternity ward, amazing doctors, and a NICU that was second in the nation.  Not a bad place to give birth.

So, we rode the ambulance, and they held the last ferry for us, and soon, my belly was being sliced open.  Keenan was yanked out of me.  And I never heard him cry.  I listened really hard, but nothing.  And no one was talking.

At 9am, I finally convinced a nurse to tell me whether he was alive or dead.

nurse: No one told you anything?

me: Nope.

She came back with pictures.  Yes, three Polaroids of my tiny red scrawny baby boy.  He had a long struggle ahead of him.  We all did.

Raising a preemie wasn’t easy.  The feedings are more frequent, more measured.  There’s a great concern over weight gain and temperatures.  Their undeveloped immune system leaves them ripe for anything they may be exposed to.

Keenan almost died about a week and a half later.  He contracted a yeast infection in his blood stream.  He stopped breathing 28 times that day.  And I made sure I was around for all of it.

He may have been born ten days previous, but that was when I put my foot down and told him he had to live.  I wasn’t going to lose another baby.  I bought him Diney.  I read him stories.  I traveled two hours ever day to be with him by vehicle and by ferry for six weeks.  And then magically, a few weeks before Christmas, at a whopping 3lbs 15oz, he came home.

We had a lot of close calls that first year.  They created a bond that can never be broken.  We had so many surgeries and exams under anesthesia that I lost count.  All I know is that now I have a healthy 14 year old son who towers over me.  He’s clever and witty and lately, his personality has been shining through.  I am blessed.

He’s looking forward to this Christmas, his first and only as an only child.  He’s looking forward to being a big brother.  He looks out for me when S is working, insisting I rest more.  I don’t think most teenage boys would be as considerate of their mother.  And he’s so easy to be with that I almost wish he didn’t have a television and video games in his room. Of course…that could be arranged…

He had a remarkable birth, a remarkable recovery, and I see him having a remarkable life.  Much love and happiness to you, Keenan, on your birthday.  You have brought me more joy than you’ll ever know.

Posted in Happiness is... | 3 Comments »

Happiness is finding some work…

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

I’ve been freelancing for a while now.  And my concern has always been that there isn’t enough work.  It’s so hard to find clients sometimes.

My weekly routine consists of applying for blog jobs and sponsored posts.  I do pretty well.  I get many of the ones I am most interested in.

The problem is that there are never enough.  Really.  I hunt and hunt…not enough.

I turned to my man Craig.  He was no use.  He was all…here, apply for all these jobs.  And nothing happened.  I sent out writing resumes for weeks all over the US and never heard back from a single company.  Craig and his little list are amateur hour.  I don’t have time to waste.

Winter is coming.  The holidays are coming.  Work needs to be here already.

I dream of a time when all my bills will be paid and there will be money in the bank and I don’t have to think about whether or not I can really afford to get what I want at the grocery store.  I doubt that I will ever become that person who simply spends without pausing to consider the future.  That’s highly irresponsible, but I just would like to not have to be so cautious.

So, I discovered Fiverr a few months back.  At the time I was writing a bunch of articles for my computer guru.  Juice in the City was paying me hundreds of dollars a month.  And I was doing okay.  Ah, but that was months ago.  Now…the articles have tapered off and Juice in the City changed their policy.  I needed to amp up the income and fast.

Again…I visited Fiverr.  I wanted to figure out what to do with Rentable Me.  I thought it might give me some ideas.  And it did.  As soon as my guru is on board, we’re really going to make something of that site.  Really.  Thinking huge now.

And in the mean time…I’m working with Fiverr.  I posted two gigs on Monday around 5pm.  I was wrapping up my day and thought that would be good.  I was just sticking my toe in the water.  I did some research and wanted to see what might happen.

Let me tell you what happened.

Tuesday afternoon I had my first order.  Woo hoo!  And I had an email with a guy wanting some writing samples.  Yay!  I sent the samples, did my research, and prepared to complete my first order.

Wednesday morning, I woke up to another order.  That’s two orders in two days!  And there was another man wanting more writing samples.  And another.  And a third order.

Let’s just say that I can see the potential in this right now.  I can see where I can be very busy.  I have more gigs that I want to post.  I’m almost afraid to.  Oh, but I have to.  See, we need the money.  There are holidays coming.  And we need to eat and stay warm.

This isn’t a way for me to get rich quick, but it can help us to supplement some income.  And it inspired me to find out what I need to do to fix my site.  So, fingers crossed that the guru will come through.  Fingers crossed that I get lots and lots of work.  Fingers crossed that more opportunities come my way.

You know me.  I don’t wait around.  I’m a go getter…even if I am going slower these days.

Hugs and love!  Find your happy.

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Happiness is having a family to care for…

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

When we found out I was pregnant, S teased me right away.

S: You’re so stupid.  You were almost done.

And I laughed because…I was.  That had been my plan.  I wanted to have kids young and then be free while I could still walk around and enjoy my life.  It was a good plan.  It had a lot of merits…not the least of which was that I’d be 44 when the last one left the nest.  Now, it’s looking like I’ll be 45 when this one starts kindergarten.  Fingers crossed.

Then S grew serious.  He snuggled me close.  He nuzzled my neck.

S: You know why we did this.  I always wanted a child of my own…especially after helping you with yours.  And if you didn’t have kids to take care of, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself.

It’s true.

For some people, it’s pets that make their life complete.  For me, nurturer that I am, it’s kids.  I love being a mom…even when suffering through the BS.  It’s always worth it.  It’s worth it for the moments.

Life is all about living in the moments.  Cherishing and recognizing the special fleeting times.

It’s about seeing their faces when I’ve baked.  It’s about the spontaneous displays of affection.  It’s about the time when they say ‘thank you’ unprompted.  It’s overhearing them saying nice things about me when they don’t even know I am there.

Would I do anything differently?  Some things.

This next time out of the gate, my husband has requested that I be less sarcastic.  For some reason he believes that leads to raising a smart ass.  For those of you who know my husband, I don’t think the kid has much of a chance to begin with.  I’m sure the little one will develop all kinds of charming habits and phrases.

Still, I’m not worried.  These things have a way of working themselves out.  And I am relaxed about it, the voice of reason.  I just look forward to having a little one under foot once more.  (It was totally different with Bishop.  He was never that little.  And his under foot was nearly the death of me.)  And I look forward to making new traditions, more moments to cherish, more memories to keep.

What makes you happy today?

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Happiness is having a new project to stay busy…

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

We all know how I love my projects.  There’s nothing like them.

So, I was on Facebook the other day, when I found something I knew I just had to do.  Maybe you’ve heard of it.  Maybe you haven’t.

NaNoWriMo

November is my month to write a novel.

Yup.  I am grossly out of practice.  It’s been entirely too long.  So now, I am committed to writing a novel the month of November.  This gives me a few weeks to pick which plot I want to work on.

Finally something productive to look forward to.  Finally something to get me back on track.  Finally a focus for my itchy fingers.

And they need focus.  I get too easily caught up doing…nothing productive.  I get distracted by the tv, and the drama around me, and all that jazz.

What would I be doing if I wasn’t writing?  What should I be doing?

Well,  there’s always cleaning.  But then again… there’s always cleaning.  It’s a never ending task.  I hate it.  And it lasts like…twenty minutes.  So tired of it.  And with all of our half done projects, the fact that the house is not immaculate is almost the least of our problems.

And there’s baking I could be doing.  I don’t know.  I’ve just been in a baking mood lately.  I made popovers the other day to eat with soup.  They were tasty.  And they sure did go fast.  And I seem to be into cakes.  There was a sale on mixes.  So far, the Duncan Hines Butter Rich has been our favorite.  It goes well with chocolate fudge frosting…in case you were curious as to how to frost it.  Good pairing.

Instead, I need to focus on what I really need to do to get ahead.  And that’s why I’m working on NaNoWriMo.

Know what else?  I’m gonna win.  Don’t get too excited.  Everyone who completes a novel wins.  I just plan on being one of them.

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Happiness is having your needs met…

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Our society…our culture…we are born wanting more, striving for more, struggling to grasp, then eclipse the American dream.  We want our version of it.  Some of us are thrilled with our 2.5 kids, our houses with white picket fences and a dog.  Some days, however, living that conventional life scares me to death.

I think I equate it with slowly dying.  It’s not that I’m this big dare devil, but I struggle to live a rich unconventional life…says the woman who just remarried.  Well, there’s that.  There’s also something to be said for commitment.  It builds security.

S did that for me.  He married me, not because he was dying to be married, but because he couldn’t see his life with anyone else.  He couldn’t think of another person who would tolerate him, like him, and love him like I do.  He’s right, of course.

For him, marriage is scary.  He’s seen where it can go wrong, end badly.  He has seen men lose everything in divorce.  He has seen women turn greedy and malicious.  Ah, but he has seen me go through my divorce.  He was there for every minute of it.  And he knows that I’m not mean and vindictive, that I can’t pull off malicious, and that the scariest I get is when I feel threatened or my kids are.

That, he admires.

So, we married.  It’s been a couple of weeks.  Other than the new ring, not much has changed.  Oh, I love being referred to as his wife.  And I love how he has grown even better at including me and joint decisions.

What I have really noticed, however, over the past few weeks, is the way he doesn’t hold back any more.  I love that he feels free at last to truly love me.  He even admitted it out loud.  It’s so nice that he feels secure enough to really be affectionate and giving and reach out.

He meets my needs.  Whether it is simply that I have to get out of the house and we go on a date, or that I long for some TLC, or I want to see progress in our lives.  Always…he gives.  It’s why we are remodeling the great room.  (And the remodel just gets bigger…)  It’s why we went to the movies the other night and ate out together.  A first!  It’s why every day in every way he shows me that we’re building a life together.

Sure, you can guess that it is because life is all fresh and new with the marriage, but I believe it is because we are finally where we are supposed to be, doing what we are supposed to do.  Life is good.

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Happiness is a rainy day off together…

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

It seems like ever since the wedding…quality time has been at a premium.  There really hasn’t been much to speak of.  But it’s getting better.

The first we after our wedding weekend, S worked on residing an entire house about an hour from home.  He was leaving at 6:30 every morning and getting home somewhere between 7 and 9pm.  He was absolutely exhausted.  He would sit on the couch and about pass out.

No romance then.

Since then, we’ve been busy running estimates and finishing up with some of the companies we were sub-contracting for.  And we came to realize that we hate sub-contracting.  We hate not being able to handle the homeowner.  We hate having to defer to someone else and wait for them to handle a situation.  We hate having our hands tied.

Big companies have a lot of unhappy homeowners.  We don’t have any.  Our last job loved us so much that when we asked for a review, she left reviews EVERYWHERE.  We have reviews on Angie’s List, Kudzu, Yahoo!, and Google.  We were thrilled.  And it has helped in so many special ways.

We’re building something big here.  We’re building a company that is poised to compete with the big guys because of credibility and consistency.  We’re building something we can be proud of.  And I am proud.  I’m proud of how well we work together.  I’m proud of how much he includes me on everything.  I’m proud to be an important member of the company.  We’re building it on the premise that it is family owned and operated.  Oh, and it is.

Somehow, everything has just fallen into place.  It’s all going…mostly smoothly.  And I can’t help but think that we have earned it.  We have worked so hard to get to this place.  We have suffered and struggled and somehow persevered.

I’m so relaxed and happy.  It’s a lovely place to be.  And I’m not so naive as to think it will always be like this.  That’s why I cherish these moments…this time.

Winter is going to be long.  It could be a struggle.  Ah, but we have a plan.

As for today, I have a plan, too.  I will try to get my tightly wound husband to relax some with me.  I’ll convince him that today is our weekend.  I’ll encourage him to run away with me to the movies…after we do everything that we can on the computer.  We’ve already done everything we can around the house.  We’re slowly building out the natural area in the back yard.  We planted some of our wedding flowers there.

And I can’t help but think that the natural area is going to be just like our relationship.  It is planted there by design at the moment, the flowers all spaced and separate.  In time, they will fill out, grow together, create something that looks all natural and seamless.  That’s what we did with our relationship.  It’s hard to remember back to when we were separate, when life didn’t feel natural.

I love my sentimental man.  I love that he understands what truly matters…like rainy days together, movies, and dreaming of our future.  There’s nothing wrong with dreaming as long as you plan to back it up with some effort.  And no one works harder than we do.

May you get your own lovely fall rainy day to spend with those you love.

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Happiness is a time of growth and a giveaway!

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

There have been so many very special changes taking place in my life lately.  I have absolutely no complaints.  Okay, maybe I still need to work on that time management, but I am improving…day by day.  And I’d still like to be thinner…

Actually, I’m more of an ignorance is bliss girl at the moment.  If I dwell on this too much, I may get so critical that I don’t see all the good things that are going on.  Like…

• I’m married. Seriously.  I can’t believe it.  It doesn’t feel so different…except for the extra ring on that one finger.  And I about giggle every time I get to use my new name.
• Lately, opportunities abound. I recently had to turn down an opportunity that Yahoo! gave me because it seemed like it was going to be more involved than I could handle at the moment.  I’m balancing building Carolina Home Enhancements and building my writing business.
• I’m blessed to be working with so many amazing companies and helping them grow. Take Juice in the City.  Right now, they are expanding in markets like crazy.  I love it.  I love helping families make quality time together and mommy sanity time and fun kid time at a bargain price.  If there’s anything I’m good at, it’s stretching a dime.

And that’s one of the reasons that I am so thrilled today.  Juice in the City is expanding to North Charlotte.  Yes, our city is so big it has to be divided into sections.  I’m okay with that.

Now here’s the part that you should be most excited about: I get to host a giveaway.  That’s right.  If you live in an area served by Juice in the City, you can register here to win $25 in Juice Bucks.  And with the way these deals get priced, $25 can go a long way.  I bought my mother two, yes 2, hardcover personalized photo albums and had Juice Bucks to spare.  It’s unheard of!

What I love about Juice in the City is the variety.  One day it may be a cupcake offer from a bakery I have never heard of but now am dying to try out, the next day it’s facials or a massage to get me right again, and after that it could be a deal on dinner at some wonderful restaurant.  I stick around just to see what they come up with next.

So, if you are blessed to live in one of the many many many markets that has offerings, leave a comment below telling me how you might spend your Juice Bucks.  What kind of deal really catches your eye?

Bonus entries are always available, make sure to leave a comment for each!

• Like Suddenly Single Journey on Facebook
• Follow me on Twitter @thenicknick
• Like Juice in the City on Facebook
• Follow Juice in the City on Twitter

From where I sit, that’s five possible entries with almost no effort.  Yup, definitely worth $25 in Juice Bucks.  The winner will be selected by Random.org on Monday at 12:01am.   I will announce the winner Monday, just in time to get the bucks to the winner in time for the Grand Opening of the North Charlotte Juice in the City on Wednesday.

Good luck!

Posted in Contests and Giveaways, Happiness is... | 3 Comments »

Happiness is knowing it’s better together…

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

Mmmm...chicken piccata!

That’s what S decided.

It doesn’t simply apply to our life, our living situation, and our relationship.  No, we have realized that it applies to our business as well.  Things have really changed.

The last two times, we have gone on estimates together.  They have gone really well.  The first one went so well that we were offered the siding job.  The second one went so well that we have a reasonable chance of getting the siding job…Hardie.  And the home owner told us he’d gladly recommend us to his friends.

These are all good things.  And I think the reason that it is all working so well is because we play to our strengths.  We know what we are good at.  I am all computers and social networking and people.  S can do the job, run the estimates, and organize the crew.  Together, we make a pretty fierce team.

Know why he keeps bringing me on estimates?

I’m nice.

He’s knowledgeable.  He can over talk.  He can over explain.  Words are not always his friend.

Me?  I jump in.  I make nice.  I smooth things over.  I feel like Snow White on these little jaunts.  I squat on the ground or sit on the carpet.  I pet the pooches.  I make nice.

Ah, but if this is a technique that you would like to embrace, know that there is one key: you must be genuine.  You must be sincere.  You must mean it.  People and pets know.  And that’s why I get away with it.  I genuinely love animals.  I genuinely like people.  It’s not something that can be faked.

Just ask around.  It’s something that S loves/hates about me.  If I don’t like someone, I will be polite.  I don’t go out of my way to be mean, but at the same time, I won’t be all warm and friendly and fake either.  I just can’t do it.

So we went on our estimate and I did what I do.  I laughed and joked and talked to the man.  I patiently waited for the timid pup to warm to me.  I told stories.  I complimented the aspects of the home and yard that I really liked.  It’s easy because I love homes and yards, too.

And then comes my favorite part.

We go out to eat together.  We talk about the estimate.  We share our thoughts and feelings and ideas.

Last night, we ate at Beantown.  We had never been there before.  It was nice.  I had…chicken piccata.  I love capers, all green and bursting with pickled salty goodness.  I love angel hair pasta.  And I love love love lemon butter sauces.  This one was more buttery than lemony.  Rotelli’s still wins that battle.

I love our togetherness.

We sat on the same side of the table.  I never thought we’d do that.  Ah, but he told me to move over, so I did.  In truth, the move was probably more about wanting his back to the wall than wanting the closeness, but I’ll take what I can get.

And on the drive home, he told me something that I needed to hear.

S: I’m taking you on all my estimates.  We make a great team.

Yeah, we do.  And if there’s anything you should know about me by now…I will work for food.

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