We started with Bishop having an impromptu play date with the puppy pit bull from across the road at 7:30am.  Yes, the minute Guado gets let out, he heads over to our house.  So, we let him in to play.

Then we had a meeting with a new window company at 9am.  That meeting lasted for nearly two hours, but was worth every minute.  They are going to be a part of our big plan for the year.  We have already sold one window job.  We have another estimate today.  And we look forward to many more to come.

Then S went to do an estimate on a house.  It wasn’t exactly what he thought.  The guy he met hasn’t even bought the house yet, so the estimate is going to act as something of a bidding tool and may never turn into any actual work.  It wasn’t ideal, but it was close to home so that meant he didn’t waste a lot of gas.

When he returned with a nice big fat soda for me he had more news.  (I am living on caffeine these days…)  We had a meeting with a siding company.  Now this is a huge company.  We have been trying to work with them and get taken seriously by them for years.  YEARS.

After all the work we’ve done, they were excited to start working with us and help us grow.  Woo hoo!  And they are thrilled because we understand about marketing and SEO and social marketing and all that jazz.  In fact, they are impressed.  The rep said that there are maybe twenty-five companies in all of Charlotte that do this and the rest of them have store fronts.  We work out of the house.  I like it that way.  S wants to get bigger.  And that’s fine…as long as he understands that if we go that route, every day is ‘take your daughter to work’ day.  Yeah, Kenna comes with…at least until she’s ready for pre-school.

So, it was a hugely busy day.  And a productive day.  And you know how productive days make me happy.

We spent all day talking about work and our baby girl.  She’s a huge motivation for our success.  We are working so hard to build this business.  And I’m so glad that it finally feels like all of our work is paying off.  See, S knows remodeling.  He knows products and installation.  He knows sales.  I know computers and marketing and words.  Together, we are quite the team.

The last rep we spoke with wanted to know our sales techniques.  We told him what we’ve been telling people for ages.  We don’t sell jobs, we build relationships.  We do good work so that we are trusted.  We keep our word so our homeowners love us.  And that’s how we get our referral business.  It’s very nearly remodeling season again.  Rumor has it that the economy is improving.  If that’s true, we will be busy and happy.

Right now, with a healing Kenna and potential work…I’m already happy.

Her progress these days is less exciting.

At first there was mad progress.  Tons of stuff to constantly report.  She was living under a plastic sheet inside a plastic sealed box.  She was under bili lights.  She was on dopamine for her blood pressure.  She was teeny tiny, but now she’s gaining weight.  There’s been a lot of progress the last two weeks.  Now…it has tapered off.

Kenna is stable.  Stable is good.  Oh, but I get bored and I want progress.  I want to hear that she pooped…finally.  I want to hear that she’s off the oscillator and the ventilator.  She finally just started eating.

Okay.  It’s more than all that.  I want her home.  I know it’s too soon.  I know she’s nowhere near ready yet.  And even though I tell people all the time that she will be in the hospital until at least April, maybe May, I shudder and cringe when I think about how far away that really is.  Because…it’s so far.  It’s so long.

Still, progress is better than regressing.  It is so much better than her getting sicker.  She doesn’t have an infection.  She doesn’t have any bleeds on the brain.  We have much to be happy about.  Of course, I’ll be even happier when I can touch her.  I’ll be even happier when I can hold her.

Any progress is good progress.  We’ll take it.  Kenna is holding her own.  She’s staying strong.  She’s my determined baby girl.

We’re lucky.  We’re blessed.  We have plenty to be happy about.  There are so many people keeping up with her progress, so many people who pray for her, so many people who leave us supportive comments and words of encouragement on Facebook.

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it.  This is what keeps us strong.  Nothing makes a person feel weaker than feeling alone.  The strength comes from having so many people offering love and support, knowing that we’re not alone.  That’s how I keep on…knowing I’m not alone.

I’ll keep sharing.  I can’t help it.  And Kenna, well she’ll keep growing…slow and steady.  And with all that love and support, we’ll all pull through.

This would have been a picture of Kenna with her eye open, but she shut it before Daddy could snap the picture.

Yes, Thursday is my dedicated happiness day.  That one day a week, I dig deep and find so many things to be happy about.  And then I write about one.  Some weeks it is easier to find my happy than others.  Sometimes, my happy just overflows.

This is one of those weeks.

Sure, S is stressed.  I’m thinking of incorporating that in his name, see if he will loosen up.  I doubt it.  I think he’d look at it as me making fun of him…which I kinda am…but I’m his wife and I love him through everything.  So what if I poke my bear?

Ah, but back to the happy.

I am feeling so much better.  I know it may not seem like much, but as I write this I am a week and a half postpartum.   And after the cancer discussion that we  be had…I feel great.

And I think sometimes we take for granted feeling well.  Sometimes I don’t think we realize what a blessing it is to have our health.  For me, I am much better able to handle what life throws at me when I’m not feeling sick to begin with.  I can face what life throws at me…if I can just feel okay physically.

This past week…not so much.  With the HELPP syndrome kicking my butt, I was tired and in pain.  My pressures returned to normal literally hours after the c-section.  The doctors were amazed.  What can I say?  I live to please.  And then it was just the headaches, swelling, and incision pain I had to contend with.  That’s all.  But that’s enough.

Mobility is everything.  And when it hurts to move, to get up, to go to the bathroom or anywhere else, for that matter, it’s rough.  It’s rough trying to think when my head feels like it’s going to explode.  It’s rough when my feet are so swollen that I can’t walk and my hands are so swollen that I have trouble writing, or typing or of the other ‘ing’ things I so much enjoy.

But now…I’m better.   And that has made a huge difference.  I did laundry.  It may not seem like much, but trust me when I say that no one else was doing it.  And I cleaned the bathroom.  Again…I work alone in that department.  It’s okay.  Let’s just say I have an eye for detail that escapes my male family members.  Thank goodness Kenna is going to balance out all the testosterone in the house.

Speaking of Kenna…

She has had a week of amazing progress.  Yes, simply amazing progress.  She hasn’t had to be under plastic to maintain her body temp since Saturday.  And she’s been stable enough to work on fixing her PDA.  And, fingers crossed…knock on wood, she isn’t even suffering from the side effects.  Her kidneys are functioning better.  She’s not puffy.  And she’s finally gaining some weight…she’s a whopping 12 ounces right now.  (They don’t weigh her every day.)  We’ll know today if the PDA is responding to the medication.  Knowing the negative impact could take longer.  It doesn’t matter to me at the moment.  In my mind, in my heart, I know she is healing.  She looks better to me every day.  And that is enough.  Maybe one of these days, I’ll even get to see her with both eyes open.  So far, only the nurses have had that good fortune.  I’m more than a little jealous.

So, I’m on the mend.  And Kenna is on the mend.  And in a few months, life will return to a new kind of normal.  I can’t wait.

I guess that time hasn’t been uneventful.  Not in the least.

There have been contractions and concerns.  There have been moments that I treasured with friends and family.  There have been quiet nights on the couch and even quieter days.

It has been stressful for all of us.

S has held up better than I expected.  Really.  He doesn’t do stress that well.  For some reason and somehow he is able to totally play beyond himself and hold it together when I need him.  And I really only remember him yelling at me once in all that time despite all that frustration…and I probably deserved it.  And because he ended up talking to me like he does Bishop, I even laughed.

S: Dammit, Nicki.  You just got out of the hospital.  What do you need?

me: I have to plug in my laptop.

S: I’ll do it.  Now lay on your couch.  Lay on your couch.

me: You just Bishoped me.

S: Lay on your couch.

And all was well.

So, here we are, at the big day.  Today, I become the human pincushion.  This will be progesterone shot number six and betamethasone shot number one of two.  Two will come on Friday.

I had blood drawn, only three vials, on Tuesday.  And I had joked with the lab tech.

me: Hey, everything in the middle may be falling apart, but I hear I have great veins and a good cervix.

lab tech: Eh, your veins.  I’ve seen better.

me: Is it the swelling from the pre-eclampsia?

She nodded.  So, I don’t even have veins anymore.  If the doctor today makes any disparaging remarks about my cervix, I may just curl up in a ball in some corner.  Nah.  I’m not really that invested in my cervix.  I’m more interested in how Kenna is holding up.

The needles, the failing body, none of that matters.  I will recover.  I always do.  These days, it’s all about her.  I’m doing whatever it takes to keep Kenna safe.  And I’m happy to do it.

Some days are easier than others.  And at the moment, I have been struggling.  I spend too much time at the doctor.  And when I return, I don’t feel better.  Yes, it has become clear to me that the doctor appointments make me feel worse.  So much worse.

S, my science aficionado, doesn’t understand the medical issues that are going on.  Not entirely.  And that ignorance keeps him blissfully happy.  He sees me getting out of bed every morning, relocating to the couch, and then heading back to bed when we finally go to sleep.  In his mind, everything is fine.

He doesn’t have to live with the worries I live with or understand what I know.  He has yet to grasp that yesterday’s visit left me worrying over whether or not Kenna has any lungs.  Without amniotic fluid, there may not be enough development to work with.  And the visit today will help to determine that, I think.  If my doctor does an ultrasound.  Otherwise, I have another week of waiting before I find out.  And the doctors at high risk are more abrupt.  They don’t play.  While they are highly knowledgeable, they are less likely to negotiate with me and make me happy.  Yes, this same doctor suggested we might want to consider an abortion at the last visit.

Not much to be happy or hopeful about there.

And then I read the messages of love and support from friends far and wide, from blog buddies.  It makes me feel better.  There are people out there who are thinking about us, and praying for us, and sending hugs, happy thoughts, and good vibes.  That changes everything.

Take Meredith, for example.  She has been a blog buddy for years.  We have sons that share the same birthday, albeit twelve years apart.  And she is one of the first people always to comment and leave me a message of strength and support.  I sent her a copy of Live the List. She read it, loved it, and has been tweeting and writing about it.  And her words made me feel so much better.

Sometimes it’s nice to have someone see you better than you see yourself.  It’s like getting an awesome present.  Thank you for that, Meredith.  I needed it.

And for all the rest of you cheering for me, I really appreciate it.

I make weekly cupcakes or cakes.  They are nothing near as impressive as what my mother-in-law makes.  I will never be as good as Vicki of the Cakes.  So, my family settles for boxed baked goods.  They don’t complain…unless Bishop eats it all.

Ah, but the other day, I went all out.  It is the holidays, after all.  So I spent hours on my feet baking.  See, if you make cookies, you can expect to be committed for a while.  And I made two different kinds.  It was roughly three hours in the kitchen.  Yup, I went with the tried and true Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookies.  And then, since I had all the ingredients and S loves them so much, I ended up making the Hidden Kiss Cookies, too.

So, we have cookies on hand.  And sometimes I have discovered that it’s the little changes that break up the monotony and make life more bearable.  Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t so bad, it is often monotonous though.  And when S is home because he can’t find work, nothing soothes the tensions like a few cookies.

In fact, they have been so popular that I am considering using some of the other items that I have to make fudge.  He really loves fudge.  And I’m thinking I might make the Cherry Blossom cookies because I really love them…and we still have Hershey’s Kisses left.  For now.

Guess I’ll just continue to be a baking fool.  Guess I’ll just continue to bake as long as I can stand it.  S was enjoying one fresh from the oven.  I think he said it best.

S: Baked with love.

He knows me so well.  And making him happy makes me happy.  We all show our love our own special way.

And if you want recipes for these, check out my archives.  The recipe for my cookies can be found here.

Jennie and George at the wedding

Jennie and George are coming.  They will arrive for a one night stay at The Moore Family Bed and Breakfast on Saturday.  During their brief but exciting visit, Jennie and I are going to sneak off and do a baby registry at Target, grab dinner, go to Carolina Christmas with the guys, and then come back for the remainder of a quiet evening at home.

Actually, knowing Jennie and George, by the time we get back from the event, they will be ready for bed.  And if we’re still suffering from the insomnia that has been plaguing us, then we will, too.  (Restful sleep, where art thou?)

I look forward to these visits from Jennie like dry earth soaks up water.  Jennie is good for my soul.  We have been through it all together, since we were eleven years old.  We have grown up together and grown together.  It’s so nice when you can find someone to share your life with.  Jennie and S are my best friends.  To lose either of them would be to lose a part of myself.

And I think that may be why I am happiest and most relaxed when we are together.  She made the wedding special and memorable and painless.  (And so did S…)  She was with me when I gave birth to Rachel.  She actually stayed in the room with me the entire time, which is more than I can say for the ex.

I won’t be asking her to join me for this birth.  Marriage to S is different.  We can do it together, alone, and be complete.  And Jennie won’t have to support me by being there.  She can support me by simply visiting later.  Oh, I’m sure I’ll call her, too.  I can’t help it.  She’s my best friend.

So, I’m really looking forward to this time together…even though it is brief.  I completely understand it.  We have been doing this in North Carolina for ten years now.  We see each other when we can.  We talk the rest of the time.  Our husbands are coming together nicely.  They are one of the few couples that we actually have traveled with.  (Lonnie and Lindsay are the other.)

Enjoy your weekend.  I know I’ll be enjoying mine…once the cleaning is done.  We have much to look forward to.

My day started early.  I know I’m pregnant when 7am starts feeling early.  And I managed to get the bulk of my computer work done on the blogs and Rentable Me.  There are others starting to register and some starting to post jobs.  Now I’m working on the SEO to get the attention the site needs.  So far, so good.  It’s just a lot of work.  And thinking work makes me way more tired than the physical work…most of the time.

Then after all of that, I had to be at the doctor at 9am for my next shot.  Yup.  Shot two of eighteen.  It wasn’t my nurse.  Nope.  And my butt knew the difference.  Not only did I feel the stick, I felt everything for the next few hours until I was able to get some acetaminophen in me.  That made a lovely difference.  It’s amazing how much more productive I can be when a butt cheek is no longer on fuego.

I arrived at my breakfast meeting with Eileen of Sleeve Shirt Consulting about thirty minutes before we planned.  It took me ten minutes to find a place to park in the rainy weather.  It took me another few minutes to get through the line and get a drink.  I love me some hot chocolate.

Just as I was settling in, Eileen arrived with her fourteen month old son.  And so we talked about work and family, about husbands and kids.  We discussed our plans.  It was lovely.  I need adult conversation here and there.  Mostly here and now.  I spend too much time with the dog.  (Yes, he is getting called The Dog.  He’s still in trouble for eating Daddy’s birthday cupcakes while we were gone that day.)

And when it was done, I picked up some groceries and headed home.  That’s a full day, right, even though it wasn’t even lunch?  At least that’s how I was going to explain my exhaustion.  I was tired.  I’m going to have to blame the bad weather on this one.

All I know is that I feel progress being made.  I feel like I’m going somewhere and getting ahead.  It’s a good feeling.

Instead, I’m focused on ending the year strong, putting myself in place for the kind of success I hope to achieve in 2012.  If you believe the naysayers, we’re running on borrowed time.  Somewhere between September and December, it’s all over…according to them.  I’ll take my chances and do what I can to get where I want to be.

It’s not easy.  And yet it is so exciting.

We’re ironing out the kinks on the new website.  I wanted to be up and running…today.  Not sure that’s going to happen.  And I wanted to be done with the new novel, have it published and ready to go on Amazon, but the computer with the Word program crapped out on me.  So, that may take a bit before it can happen, but it has to happen.

I will have my articles done in the next few days for the entire month.  I hope.  And then I will be able to focus on the other important stuff.  I can’t wait.  Really.

I’m discovering that the less I have to worry about, the more I accomplish.  After the doctor visit, I’m less worried about our little girl, I’m more excited about her arrival.  After talking with my computer guy, we’re problem solving and focused which is always a good thing.

We have big dreams, big goals.  We still long to leave Charlotte.  S has lived here his entire life.  He still wants to end up someplace warm and sunny, have our beach house.  And I’m working towards that, too.  We’ve researched some options.  There are some really good ones out there.  The world is a mighty big place and we don’t want to miss a thing.  Some of you will wonder about how a baby fits in to all this.  All I can say is…really well.  They are totally portable…which is more than I can say for Bishop.

Wish us luck.  Find your happy.   And start thinking towards the new year.  Make every minute count.  We are.

I survived the day before Thanksgiving and I’m still pregnant.  Yeah, that was a bit stressful.  Ah, but I persevered.

The thing is, I couldn’t stop thinking how great my life is overall.  Sure, the money could be better, but when I look back over the year…this year has been huge.  I feel really accomplished.  I have done so much more than I realized.  It’s all in how you measure it.  It’s all about perspective.  And I measure not in money, but in happy.

I have had an amazing year.  And with all my efforts, next year is shaping up to be even better.

Let’s see, professionally…

• I managed to leave my job and get to work with my husband building our remodeling business.
• I get to be a stay at home mom and work on my writing career.
• I have been able to work with so many great companies in a number of capacities.
• Meeting my computer guru has changed my path.  Now we’re working on our own project.
• I published three novels this year on Amazon: two fiction and one non-fiction.

And around the house…

• We remodeled the hall bathroom.  Love love love it!
• We painted and molded out the great room.  Again…love it!
• We installed some new doors and painted all of them.
• We did some landscaping.  Just a start, but at least we’re headed in the right direction.

Most importantly, family…

• We’ve been a family for a while now, but we made it official just recently with our September destination wedding.
• We are blessed to have a new member on the way in March or April.  Fingers crossed.
• We’re all healthy.  Knock on wood.

I’m happy.  We’re happy.

We celebrated our Thanksgiving early.  We will do something low key and possibly just the two of us today.  We will be spending time with more family coming into town over the weekend.  And I am planning to relax some.

Next week will be soon enough to get worked up about what isn’t perfect in our world.  For now, I want to remember all the good and happy.  Happiness is a choice.  How we react to the stresses in our life…a choice.  For now, I’m letting go.

Be happy.  Enjoy your life and who you share it with.  And have some turkey for me.  I’ll be having ham and swelling like the pig I’ve just eaten.  Oh, but the belly will be very happy.