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Goal assessment…Tuesday?

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

success I know, in the past I would write a post on Monday mornings wherein I made a check of how I was doing at achieving all the goals I had set before me. And since I’ve been writing the night before instead of the morning of, on account of I can’t get up any earlier in the dark, Tuesdays will be the new Monday. Haven’t you heard? Mondays on Monday are so last season! Having Monday on Tuesdays is allll the rage.

Whew! Convinced yet? Fine. I just suck. I’m a lazy, excuse making, slack-jawed loser who can’t flop from the drawer to the floor any earlier than I already am. You happy now? Because suddenly, I’m not. I really am feeling like a loser.

It’s a feeling that has been eating at me for a while now. I’ll be okay for a bit and then suddenly, it hits me. Wham! I’m sharing a room with my daughter. I’m sleeping in the cupboard under the bed. We can dress it up and call it the portal to Narnia all we want. I still feel like a loser. And I think the feeling grows more acute when I suddenly become aware that the situation shows no signs of changing in the near future. And I know that I should just be happy that we have our own place that I can afford on my own, but I’m not. Always wanting more, striving for more, hoping to be better, it’s not just the American way, it’s my way. So, I’m a little justifiably disgruntled. Again.

Well, let’s focus on things that I have more control over, things that will hopefully make me feel better about myself.

To date, I have lost 3.8 pounds. Yup, first week on the wagon and I lost just shy of four pounds. I feel pretty good about that since I’m not exactly on the wagon, driving. I’m more sitting on it with my feet dangling. I haven’t exercised at all. Oh, and loser that I am, I have a wide range of excuses ranging from the lack of space in my apartment to the lack of warmth in the out of doors to the lack of money for a gym membership to the lack of time to use the one at the apartment complex that is conveniently open during my work hours only… Yeah. And I’m sure if I laid on a couch with Freud, we’d discover that I have a lack of motivation and probably Daddy issues that have wrecked my potential for ever having a healthy relationship. (Whoa! Where’d that come from? You guys are good!)
I am over a third of the way through the Coco Chanel book. I still hate the style. I find it goes easier if I read it in my narrator voice and throw in commentary like…Coco exits stage right. It would go a lot easier if any of the characters were sympathetic or remotely likable. So far, not so much as a maid has peaked my interest. Maybe the chauffeur? Nope. The woman in the lobby…? Sorry. I’ve got nothing. (Please don’t let this be another Book of Ruth.)
Ummm. My ebook. Finally, success. Brace yourselves. I finished writing it today. Twice. Yup. The first time I finished, the computer froze up and I hadn’t been exactly save conscientious, so…I lost like a gajillion words and had to recreate them. I think it was better the second time around, but that may just be what people who forget to save and have to rewrite say to comfort themselves. Regardless, I am pleased with the result.

And how did I manage to accomplish such a feat on a Monday, you may ask? Go ahead…ask! You’re going to love this answer. I was home with Rachel today.

Sure enough, typical Monday that started Sunday night. They returned from their father’s later than anticipated or agreed upon. And Keenan returned with an injured back, the product of a fall down the stairs. I heard murmurs about a rubber band fight. I have my suspicions. And Rachel was complaining of her throat. Again.

Now, I take her complaints with a grain of salt, my little drama queen. Only in the morning she was significantly worse. I offered to let her stay home, but no, she wanted to go. And by the time I emerged from my glorious steamy shower at 7:20am, I had missed three calls from her and one text. Impatient much? Well, it grew worse because I had to thaw the car before I could drive it. So sue me.

I picked her up and she looked like death. So, we picked up provisions…meds that may cause drowsiness and soup. (We all know how I feel about may cause drowsiness…huge fan!) And I brought her home, tucked her into the couch, and called the doctor. You may think I’m a little crazy about sore throats, but I had a friend in college whose father ended up paralyzed following a stroke brought on by an untreated case of strep. Secondary strep can be lethal, people. Don’t play around with a sore throat!

Well, she fell asleep and I had a list the length of my arm to accomplish. I know. I have all weekend to accomplish stuff, but the reality is that most of what I need to accomplished can only be accomplished during normal business hours…or as I like to think of it, the same time I work. See the dilemma?

So, I managed to get a call in to the bank. Fingers crossed…we may have a buyer for my albatross, er house. And I paid my vehicle tax. And I read some more of that blessed book. And I wrote the ebook. Quite a productive day, since I also managed to run the dishwasher, and catch up the laundry, all while being at Rachel’s beck and call and in between running to the doctor and not one but two drug stores in an attempt to fill her script.

Oh, and here’s the best part. First, she had to wear the mask. I took a picture, but only with my phone, so I can’t share it with all of you. Poor planning. My apologies. And I offered to draw a pig snout on it for her, in case she she had the old H1N1. She declined. As always, our presence, eventful. She had to draw back the mask for the nurse to swab her throat, during which time Rachel managed to hack some phlegm onto her. Yummy. Then, minutes later, I had to have her puke in the doctor’s hand washing sink since I couldn’t find a kidney dish in the room. Yeah. So, we may be gone, but we’ll not soon be forgotten. (Plus, they’ve been caring for us for the last 8years, God bless them.)

The doctor knows us so well that he offered Rachel a one dose liquid antibiotic to cure whatever she’s growing. We’re not sure, but he didn’t want to take any chances what with her symptoms. And he’s reading us the warnings, the whole…there’s a good chance she’s going to get diarrhea from this. (We’re thrilled, really we are.) My response?

me: Throw in the promise of a yeast infection and we’re sold!

It was no small feat filling the script. And Rachel had to decide to take it either two hours after eating or one hour before. Since it was nearing 4pm, and she hadn’t eaten all day…we had soup…amazing organic soup…inspired by Lydia’s post on Five Full Plates. She was finally ready to take the meds around 6:30pm. And by 7:30pm, she was puking them up. So, who knows if she’s reaping any of the medicinal benefits of the drugs. Only time will tell. Fingers crossed!

On the bright side, Rachel thanked me today for taking care of her and told me how much she loves me and appreciates me. This is not something rare and unusual, but a regular occurrence around here. I’m so blessed.

And because I want you to be…

Quick Karma:

swim with life’s currents; not against them

PS. On account of her amazing digestive pyrotechnics, I’m thinking of having Rachel remain on the couch tonight. And there are a few good reasons for this. For one, gravity works. And I don’t want to be on the receiving end lying in the drawer on the floor beside her. Second, the couch has scotch guard. Good plan huh?

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Setting my course in 2010…

Friday, January 1st, 2010

ball drop Several years ago, I started using part of New Year’s Eve as a time to set my course for the following year. I’d create this list of goals I’d like to accomplish for the year related to the various aspects of my life. And then, during the course of the year, I’d tick the items off one by one. It gave me an immense amount of satisfaction to feel like I’d accomplished something.

Last year, I didn’t do that and maybe that’s why I was all over the board in 2009. Maybe the fact that I hadn’t entirely figured out what I wanted, where I wanted to go, I was at times wandering aimlessly if not altogether off course. So, I have high hopes for 2010 since I know what I want. I know where I want to go. And I’m determined to do what I must to get there.

Just to keep on course, and because I hope maybe to help inspire some of you equally wayward souls…here’s my list for 2010:

Self-Improvement

lose at least 20 pounds Ahhh, the eternal optimist that I am, I always think a number is the way to go. In fact, I just want to be at a weight that I’m comfortable with. I like the idea of never worrying about whether or not jeans I take out of the dryer will zip without me performing some freakish twisting, sucking, laying, stretching, yanking ritual. Oh, and I’d like those jeans to be a size smaller. There.
read at least two books per month I know this doesn’t seem like much, but I seem to have so many demands on my time lately that reading at all has become virtually impossible. I used to be able to consume a book a day, but that was before I became the social butterfly that you read today.

Writing/Blog Goals

complete first ebook I’ve been working on it since before Thanksgiving and have missed one self-imposed deadline after another. Life just keeps cropping up. I want this book done and ready for distribution THIS MONTH. Yeah. Now I just have to do it. Humph.
double my blog readership I’m growing. I’m thrilled. Yet, I want more readers. And I guess I’m not sure what I have to do next to make this happen. So, give me some tips, some ideas, some suggestions. I’ll take them. I’m not too proud to admit that I’m a social media moron. (Admitting is the first step to solving the problem…)
complete my third novel This is the novel I am most proud of. I was writing it and sharing it with family. They love it. And with a mom seal of approval it should be published, right? Well, I had to stop writing it because it’s hard to write about love when you’re just not feeling it. Now I’m in a better place so there are no more excuses…other than the whole I have no idea how to manufacture time bit. If that doesn’t work out, maybe I should just volunteer for cloning…
find a new agent I’m not sure this one is really working out for me. (I mean, I suppose it could mean that I just suck…nah!) So, I need to find someone new, fresh face on the job kind of thing. I started a list of potential agents, but haven’t followed through. Too much going on taking precedent. I feel settled right now. I’m ready to press on.

Fun time

LEAF I miss LEAF. (Lake Eden Arts Festival) There are two a year, one Mother’s Day Weekend and one Columbus Day Weekend. The ex took those in the divorce. I want the spring one back. I want to take the kids. Fingers crossed.
Atlanta I need to go back to the aquarium. We were supposed to go in the fall, but we ended up getting Bishop. I want to see whale sharks and sea turtles and visit the World of Coke. (Don’t drink the Beverly!) I want to ride the MARTA. Oh, Hotlanta! I miss you!
Vegas, baby! I’ve been talking about Vegas for a while. Never been. It’s not about gambling, either. I want to see Phantom there. And I want to see one of the Cirque shows. I want to tour the strip in a helicopter, ride in a gondola. And it just so happens…there’s a Margaritaville there! We know that visiting all of them is one of my biggest goals ever.

And the biggest goal of all…

I don’t want to be suddenly single forever. I have a great capacity for love. And I’ve always said that I want to be happy and find someone to share it with. And I’ve said that I want someone to grow old with. And I’ve said that I’m on hiatus from this dating nonsense, which does make it a bit more difficult to actually not remain single, but I know that things will work out the way they are intended…even if it doesn’t always seem that way. I’m ready. Certainly there are risks involved. Aren’t there always when it comes to the heart? I just need to look at it as an opportunity to model some important lessons for the kids. The risk is worth the reward.

Happy New Year! May you find some goals you want to achieve and may you have the determination, drive and energy to do so.

Posted in Goals | 8 Comments »

November State of the Blog Address…

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

roaring fire Every month since I started, the blog, I have written an address. At first, it was to keep track of my goals, measure how I was attaining them. There was some comfort in having structure. And I liked knowing that I had a set post concept for the first day of every month. Ahh, routines.

My life has a nice balance of our bohemian ways and our routines. We are so relaxed now, so happy, after a mere month of being in the apartment. It’s such a far cry from where I was this time last year, and even from where I was this time last month.

With our new addition, Charlie, we have been using All Dogs go to Heaven quotes. My personal favorite:

Charlie? Chaaaarlie. You can never come back!

Charlie was trying to sneak out of heaven, get back to his life, and had supposedly doomed his soul by doing so. I can’t go back to where I was with Sam, it wasn’t good for my soul. And I could never go back to being sad at the house again, but I do still long to save the house. We’re making our own little heaven on earth together, in the apartment.

And while you may be wondering how the state of my life figures into the state of the blog…well, it’s all me. October I was soooo sad, soooo defeated. I didn’t know how I would ever dig my way out, find happiness again. Then came the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I moved into an apartment on my own. (Well, I live here on my own with the kids. I was moved in by my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend.) And what could have been a really sad time was instead one of hope and change. I started dating again. Okay, it was only two dates and a not-a-date. That counts, right? And I have had some amazing quality time with friends and the kids. I finally feel alive again…and HAPPY.

So, this is my last state of the blog for 2009. I have so many plans for this last month of the year. And I have so many plans for 2010. (I’ll let you in on that at the appropriate time.) Just know that November far exceeded my expectations. I doubt that I’ll even meet the same numbers in December since people will undoubtedly find better things to do with their already limited time than read the blog…

But if you do come back…you won’t be sorry. There’ll be holiday dilemmas, and visitation issues, and Christmas decorating in an apartment. There’ll be a holiday party that Rachel wants to host…in the apartment…and there’ll be my efforts (make those my last ditch efforts) to save my house before the bank forecloses on me and I’m out of The Bubble for good.

I had 1294 unique visitors in November who visited 5456 times. It was my biggest month to date. (I know, small potatoes for you seasoned bloggers, but I’m very excited. No peeing in my cornflakes.) And I can’t help but wonder if the trend will continue. I’ll hold onto hope and faith and my belief in love. And in December, just like in every month past, I’ll tell you all about my adventures…big and small.

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October State of the Blog Address…with a little state of me thrown in…

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Take from this hearth its warmth

From this room its charm

From this inn its amity

Return them not, but return…

The fireplace may not look like much, but it’s the one dwarfing the lobby at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The fall always make me think of mountains, probably a product of my Adirondack upbringing. And in North Carolina, Asheville is the quinessential mountain town…all artsy and interesting…not to mention great chocolate shops and one of my favorite restaurants EVER. So, yeah, I like Asheville and while I never stayed at the Grove Park Inn due to the practically punitive cost of a room for a weekend…we did walk the grounds a bit and that’s when I fell in love with that fireplace with the most amazing quote engraved in the stone mantle. Maybe I should create my own version for the blog?

Take from this post its warmth

From this blog its charm

From this site its amity

Return them not, but return…

See, the return part seems to be working. And I love that. I have more and more readers who are succumbing to the need to comment. I love reading what people write, I love the interaction. Especially now. It takes my mind off of other things, those nagging doubts that creep up and make me wonder how I’m going to make it on my own with two kids depending upon me. Just me. And their belief in my abilities is astonishing…and frightening. I don’t want to disappoint them.

So, about blog business…

It was another great month for the blog. I keep growing, not as fast as I’d like, but at least I’m headed in the right direction. Maybe this month I need more attainable goals, and more marketing ideas. ‘If you write it, they will come’ can only take me so far.

I ended the month with 69 more visitors than the month before and with 275 more visits. (You know I love my stats.) The thing about watching the statistics is that I truly have a measure of my goal achievement. In so many other aspects of life, it’s hard to tell if things are moving the way they should, if I am where I’m supposed to be. With the blog…no mystery. I can see every day how many people read what I wrote, who commented, and what countries people popped in from. (I’m strangely popular in strange lands. You wouldn’t think I’d translate in Moldova.)

Well, historically speaking, November has been a huge month for me. We’re a few short days from Keenan’s birthday. And I’ve decided the share the story of his birth…Gilmore Style. So, to say that I’m looking forward to seeing what will happen next is a gross understatement.

This is my adventure, my brand spanking new adventure. It’s all shiny with that new adventure smell. Mmm. Smells like hope and love and happiness. Okay universe, I’m ready. Lay it on me.

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Well, it’s Monday…again…

Monday, October 19th, 2009

worry dolls So, I’ve been trying to eek some inspiration out of my recent posts. Apparently, sad sells. I’ve been very popular lately. It could be because my life has turned into a cautionary tale. And for some reason, people keep telling me that they respect me, that I’m so strong, that I can do this.

The ‘this’ to which they refer must mean any number of things, since no one has elaborated and I’ve been too emotional to ask. Mostly, I assume they mean life, the generalization of everything going on in my life. They mean that I can move on with in a new place, grow a new heart, and build a new life. We shall see.

So, here are the updates you crave…

I’m finally starting to eat again. Not a lot. I don’t have the stomach for it. (cute, huh?) I’m not as hungry as I used to be and it hurts…often. This may, of course, mean that I will soon have an ulcer to report on. And if I’m going to have an ulcer, let’s go for the gold. Maybe it can be one of those REALLY painful and dangerous bleeding ones. (Oh, a girl can dream can’t she?)
I’m absolutely no closer to figuring out where to live than I was before. I had intended to have a nice talk with the kids when they returned last night from their weekend with their father. (I’m trying to tone down the Fun Dad stuff. Are you so very proud of me?) Rachel came back sick and miserable. I’m going to try to move her surgery date because she’s in agony…which pretty much means that so are we. And that meant that I didn’t get to follow through with my plan for us to create pro/con lists of our options and work through the decision making process together. (I figured they’d be more on board if they helped decide.) Soon, I hope.
I did, however, manage to have a very heated conversation with their father out in the garage when he dropped off the kids. To say it didn’t go well would be a gross understatement. It started with him saying that he wouldn’t pay child support for kids in New York and me pointing out that he didn’t pay child support for kids in Charlotte, so where was the difference. And then it pretty much went downhill from there…to the part where I kicked him out of the garage and he threatened me with court. So, my court days may not be over yet, folks. Yay.
And finally, Sam and I had a talk yesterday morning. After I posted. After a good hour of me ignoring his presence. He didn’t want us to be mad at each other all day. And I explained that I wasn’t mad, I was hurt over what he had said the night before. And he told me that what he said was a defense mechanism, just like my crying and wanting to run away to New York. And I said that those were coping mechanisms, the defense mechanism was the ignoring I was doing before he initiated the conversation. We worked through it, same as we always do, through communication and understanding. (I’m pretty freakin’ understanding.) And I’m thinking that without his constant reminders about his big plans for the house and Bishop once the kids and I are gone, I might be somewhat relaxed until the move…wherever it may be. So, no, he’s not backing down or taking it back. And I still have to constantly remind myself that it’s probably for the best, that I don’t want to ride this emotional roller coaster anymore.

So, it’s kind of looking like I have accomplished…NOTHING…this past week. That simply is not the case. In the last twelve hours, I have cried a lot less. So there. And you doubted me? Ha!

I’m going to be fine. This too shall pass. I can make it work. (Did I forget anything?) These words I speak in my head every time I struggle to breath in and out. I’m sure they are true. Historically speaking, this is what I do. I go on.

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Back to the basics…

Monday, October 12th, 2009

demolition I kind of like this picture. And I’m guessing that if I were asked to find a picture that represented my life right now…that would be it. I’ve had this ENORMOUS wrecking ball rip apart my life. And while I was sad and feeling really sorry for myself, completely lost and alone…this morning it doesn’t feel so bad.

And the reason it feels manageable is one thing and one thing only…Rachel. My kids are the best things in my life. They always have been. And after she found out what was going on at home, she called…sobbing uncontrollably…which is precisely what I had hoped to avoid.

Rachel: Mommy, where are we going to live?

me: I don’t know, babe. Just know that we’ll do it the same as always: you me, and Keenan against the world. ONly this time we’ll have a Sophie and a Babbit.

Rachel: But no Bishop?

me: Nope, no Bishop.

Rachel: Can we bring Emma? (the poodle that I gave up in the divorce)

me: No Emma. Maybe wherever we end up we can get our own dog.

Rachel: Okay. I want mountains, mommy.

me: There are mountains in New York.

Rachel: I know.

me: Any other requests?

Rachel: I don’t want a yellow room. (Paint color had been an area of contention during the remodel and move.)

me: Okay.

Rachel: And I want stairs, preferably indoors.

And with that done, I was breathing easier. Rachel was on board. I even checked the blog later and found her comment.

Rachel: Its just another adventure, right mommy?

God, I love these kids. Somehow we’ll make it. Somehow we’ll manage. And so now, on another Monday…I’m left to create a whole new set of goals. And instead of lofty things like losing weight (which seems to be no issue right now, by the way…a little depression is great for the diet) and getting published, it’s going to be things like…

figure out where I want to move to
find somewhere to live
find a higher paying job
pack…again

And it won’t be all bad. I’m sure eventually I’ll find the silver lining in those ominous clouds currently blotting the sun from my life. Somehow I always do. And I’m going to have to venture a guess that my little deal breakers play a very big part in it.

Please note…I did not even mention finding a new man. I don’t want one. No, I’m not switching teams. I just think I need to work on me, right now. I don’t have a lot to offer. (Stop arguing, Jennie.) On paper, I’m a mess. (Actually, I’m something of a mess in person, too.) See, I need to get back to me…then I’ll think about it.

So, here’s to a Happy Monday and day one of a brand new journey and dreaming new hopes and dreams. May all yours come true.

Posted in Goals | 7 Comments »

State of the Blog Address III

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

Well, here’s my annual end of the month fireside chat. I rather like picking out all these dream outdoor fireplaces. Right now, we have a fire pit that was created with the same foresight and consideration as most everything else in The Bubble.

We decided to burn some wood one night last summer, a bonfire of sorts. Next thing you know, Ed has pulled up the following day and dropped a bunch of stones circling the burn area. And wham! Our outdoor firepit was born. Ed keeps us in firewood. Other neighbors keep us in burn material. (Last fall Joe threw out a bunch of furniture. Need I say more? Flames shooting ten feet into the sky. Only downside, too toxic for marshmallows. Damn it.)

Anyway, about the blog. This month started with a huge bang when I won the laptop on Giyen’s blog: Bacon is my Enemy. (I love the name of her blog. If I had it to do over again, I’d have called this one Chocolate is my Frenemy. It does have a ring to it, right?) Well, that day I had my all time high in the visits department: 212. (Thank you, Giyen!) And since then, I have only had two days this month with less than 100 visits. (For me, in only my third full month of blogging, that is huge!)

My blog stats for September:

Unique visitors: 754

Visits: 4282

Number of Countries Reading all about little ol’ me: 57

New Goals for October:

1000 Unique Visitors! Yes, I want quadruple digits. I’m greedy like that. (I’m thinking Field of Dreams here. If I write it, they will come.)

The blog has exceeded my expectations as far as growth is concerned. And because of that, my confidence in my abilities is growing. And my dream of being a writer seems more achievable, which begs the question…

Is it the act of writing that makes one a writer, or being paid to do it that does?

Clearly, this would currently fall under the hobby category, as I’m not earning any income from it. I would also consider it therapy, since I have the chance to get any number of things off my chest on a daily basis. And finally, I love the way it has helped me to connect and reconnect with friends and family members. Life is all about making bonds.

So, if this is your first visit, stick around. It’s never dull in my life. And if you have been lingering around a while, leave me some comments. I’d love to get to know my readers better. I’ve already made a few acquaintances: Rachel from Single Mom Seeking, and Mir from Woulda Coulda Shoulda. And as often as she comments, I’m counting Meredith from Sailor Scorpion a friend.

I’ll be starting the month of October full of optimism and hope. See, I’m officially divorced. (I probably shouldn’t jinx it since I haven’t received the papers in the mail yet. Fingers crossed!) And my squatters are out of here TOMORROW. Yay! And I have a divorce party with friends at the house on Sunday. So many good things going on. Don’t worry, I’ll share all about it. There will be stories and…wait for it…pictures! (None of S, I’m sure. He’s a very private person. So, I guess we balance each other out.)

Happy October, everyone!

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Some different kind of goals…

Monday, September 28th, 2009

soccer goal I know that I have shied away from my typical Monday morning goal assessment lately. And it’s certainly easy enough to understand why. There have been so many changes lately, so many other things going on that I haven’t been able to take some of my goals as seriously, and other goals have cropped up that take the focus away from where it should be…improving me.

So…yeah, other than the fact that I walk my fat happy ass down the road every weekday morning rain or shine (make that rain or dark), I haven’t stepped on a scale in weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I have my suspicions. And I doubt that what I’ve been eating has helped me in the weight loss department. Oh, but the pizza, chicken wings, and Chinese food have tasted oh so good. And, as always, I have an excuse. Ready. It’s a good one. I still don’t have an oven and my grill ran out of propane. Don’t worry. S is on the propane. He has promised to get me a new tank…maybe even today! And as soon as the squatters leave, we are taking my stove so I can cook again.

I’m really looking forward to the cooking. I’ve promised lots of good food, like homemade mac and cheese and lasagna and cookies. (I bake chocolate chip cookies from scratch. It’s a dying art form.) I know, lots of diet meals mentioned there, right?

Anyway…as for my other goals…

The kids still love me. I still love and like them. It works out very nicely.
Bishop is still mostly potty trained with the occasional accident that stems from me not watching him EVERY second. He will just wander off and take a poo in Rachel’s room if we’re not watching. I don’t know why it’s always her room. And we probably shouldn’t tell her. Shhhh. (I mean it’s not like she reads the blog every day, right? )
S and I still have our ups and downs. He still has his freak outs. And I still talk him off the ledge. We had a lovely weekend, for the most part. (Bivens, be warned. I’m going to be speaking to you about these emergency calls, what constitutes and emergency call, and the standard operating procedure for payment and completion of said calls. Be ready!)
Now, my happy place, the blog. I had hoped to have 750 uniques for this month. So far, I have 713 with a few days to go. I’m so close! And I’m working on finding a blogging job that will increase/supplement my income. So, I’ve started applying to various ads. With any luck, I’m getting closer and closer to what I really want to do and the kind of career/life I really want to have. Wish me luck!

So, here’s my regular plea…share me, please! I’m going to make you proud, I promise. I’ll be clever, and witty, and at times…sarcastic. (Probably a lot of the time. It can’t be helped.)

In other news…

Today is Happy Divorce Day to me. Sunday is the party. Yes, there will be cake, which means that Monday there will be another diet excuse and cake pictures. So much to look forward to!

And Friday…well, Friday is Happy Squatter Eviction Day. The sheriff will be calling me between 9 and 4pm to come with my lock. My phone tree is getting bigger and bigger. My neighbors are hoping it’s later in the day so that they can all justify being home and starting the weekend early. Oh, they’re a crazy bunch. So, you can expect on final squatter-gate update…unless they have to move the rest of their stuff out within the following ten days. In that case, there may be a second squatter story. But, the end is in sight. And it’s a big end, sort of like my rear end.

Speaking of…time to hike down the road. Have a lovely day. I’ll be thinking of ways to entertain you while I walk.

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A new goal…a simpler goal…

Monday, September 21st, 2009

swine flu Yeah, normally I start with a really optimistic kind of Monday morning post where I assess my goals and their current status. Right. And if you read over the weekend, you may have the mistaken impression that I had this wonderful relaxing mellow kind of a weekend. And I can see why you’d think that. It’s my own fault really. My Sunday morning post was written during the week after I had reminisced about the previous Sunday. And that day really was that good.

So, now for the real dirt on this weekend. For the past few days, I had been noticing that Bishop was having more frequent and runnier poos. (I have a point, really. Not just into talking about bodily functions. That is soooo not me.) Well, Saturday morning, for the first time, since he RARELY takes Bishop out, S realized what I had been noticing. The end result: I called the vet.

The plan was simple. I had already ordered an auger for the day so that we could dig the posts for the fence we were installing around the back yard. He would go get the auger while I showered and dressed. We had an 11am vet appointment and he’d be back in plenty of time to go with me. Ahhh…the best laid plans.

At 10:30am, I’m thick into getting pretty, since we will be out in public together. And I’m beginning to wonder if he’s going to be back in the next ten minutes. So, I called.

me: I’m almost pretty. Where are you?

S: The towable auger really does need to be towed. So, I called Ed since I don’t have a tow package on the truck. Hey, can you check and see if he’s left yet?

me: Yup. He’s on his way now.

S: Sorry, babe, but there’s no way I can make it to go with you. I’ll call as soon as I’m back and see about meeting you there.

me: Okay. Then I’m done getting pretty. This is good enough.

And Bishop and I went to the vet by ourselves. We had just managed to convince him about half an hour before that a leash was not actually some medieval torture device and that dogs really did walk with one attached to their collar. And after further convincing, and packing his bag, which by now makes the experience something reminiscent of traveling with a diaper bag, he laid in the passenger seat.

Taking Bishop to the vet is an experience to begin with. He is a sight to see. I mean, he’s not even eight weeks old yet and he weighs twenty pounds and is the size of a six month old lab. (As long as the six month old lab has bear sized paws.) People always want to know what he is and how old he is.

The visit went well, after we established that he didn’t have giardia or parvo, but instead some run of the mill intestinal thing…that is costing a small fortune. My platinum puppy is eating three cans of prescription…yes, prescription, puppy food a day. The first can has a powder sprinkled on it, and the third has his antibiotic hidden in it. The second one is all dog food. And he has a Kaopectate for dogs. Seriously.

We went through the KFC drive-thru on the way home and brought lunch back for everyone. Then with Bishop taken care of and kids on dog detail, we decided to use the auger. Sounds simple, right? I mean if anyone can walk in off the street and just take one home with them, it should be simple, right?

Mwah ha ha. Sixteen post holes to dig. Two feet deep each. We called for back up and Jay showed up within minutes. He was bored. He had to have been to think that using an auger was preferable to lying around on the couch channel surfing. Or maybe it was just the promise of using gasoline powered tools?

Let me begin by explaining that this is a beast of a machine. It stands taller than I am. It’s huge and green and scary looking with its eight inch drill bit (that’s diameter, by the way, since it was at least four feet long). Well, first they had to figure out how to start it. Then there was the issue with positioning it. (I was running around with a cinder block and hunk of granite to stop the wheels.) And soon we’re on the phone with the after hours technician (the rental place closes at noon on Saturday). After two hours, we managed to dig nearly half a hole. Well, crap!

So, no fence for now. And the beast of a machine still needed to be returned by 8am on Monday. Well, the remainder of the day was spent babying Bishop. And Ashley came over to spend the night. It was an excuse for Chinese food and renting a movie on cable. It was fun. Saturday night was not a total wash. And old fuddy duddies that we are, we were in bed by 11:30pm. (I know, you thought I lived some exciting glamorous life. Ha!)

Sunday…was worse. Not only was I up at the butt crack of dawn. (And here’s how that conversation went.)

me: (in response to the incessant whimpering) We’ve had Bishop a week. Is it your turn to get up with him yet?

S: In a couple of hours.

me: In a couple of hours I’ll have more messes to clean. I think I hate you. When your looks go…

S: I’m dead.

(It’s an inside joke.)

After taking Bishop out, not once but twice, I find Keenan awake and lying on the couch. And he says words that make my heart sink.

Keenan: Mom, I feel hot.

For Keenan to say that, well, I might just as well batten down the hatches and prepare for a long convalescence. Sure enough. He had a temperature of 101.8. Now, that is not an all time high by any means. By late afternoon he was running a fever of 103.5. And at his age, he needs to be swallowing pills. Luckily, his constant illnesses give us plenty of opportunity for that.

Only this time he decided that he’d rather be sick than swallow. It turned into an episode of Survivor.

me: Swallow.

Keenan: I did.

me: Let me see.

And I’m doing the mouth check thing.

me: Lift your tongue.

Right now, I’m fast losing my sense of humor. I’m not going to work today. I’ve given up the idea of a walk and am instead planning on a trip to the grocery store to get some much needed supplies. I’ll hope to work out on a DVD while the sick dog and sick boy are napping. And if the stars align and the the moon is in Pluto, maybe I’ll even get a shower. (Fingers crossed!)

So, my goal for today: (baby steps, going to leave the big goals for another day) I just want everyone to get well. See, today is supposed to be Happy Squatter Removal Day. They are supposed to be out by midnight. And if they aren’t I have to go to the court house…again…and pay money…again…so that the Sheriff will remove them…eventually.

Wish me well. And may all your goals be accomplished.

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Happy Monday!

Monday, September 7th, 2009

on target

Right now, at this very moment, I feel like my life is on target. For the first time in a long time, life makes sense and I’m headed the right direction. (Or could this be two weeks in a row?) So, as you may have guessed…I’m happy. And happy is so good for a change.

To start with:

I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale without fear. And it’s official. I have lost 10.2 pounds in two weeks. For me, that’s a huge accomplishment. And a bit of a disappointment. I’m a bit swollen today. I’m a water retainer and last night we had chicken wings and dipped them in buffalo sauce. Really good, but the extra salt kinda hurts today. I’m not letting that discourage me. In a few minutes, I’ll be hiking down the road for my morning walk. And that makes me even happier.
The kids still love me, but Rachel and I are having an issue right now. And it’s not the kind of issue I want to blog about. I love you, Rachel! And someday, you may look back on all of this and thank me for caring about you and looking out for your best interests. In the mean time, I know I’m the mean mom who won’t let you do what you want. And because I love you, and want only the best for you, I can live with that. (Okay, people, but that’s all you’re getting.)
And then there’s S. Our life has been ridiculously stressful lately. And it has taken a toll on our relationship. As with all relationships, I truly believe that it’s not about never having issues, it’s about whether or not you can fix them or care enough to even try. Well, S spent the weekend showing me how much he cares. If I ever doubted him before, I never will again. And if you need proof, I can show you my Sam’s Club card. (Or, for those of you I don’t see in person in Charlotte, I’ll blog about it later. Last night, he said I could. Yay!)
Finally, there’s the blog, and my writing. I’m looking forward to doing more writing today than I’ve been able to do in a long time. And I get to write uninterrupted (fingers crossed) since I have the whole house to myself. God bless holidays! On top of that, my blog has gained popularity since I won the laptop from Giyen on Bacon is my Enemy and she posted about me. (Thank you, Giyen. Really. I can’t say it enough.)

So, I have plenty to smile about, plenty of good going on in my life to overshadow the BS I’m still coping with. And that is good enough.

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