We made goal at work.  Actually, we exceeded goal by 140%.  Know what that means?  Much needed bonus.  Yay!

And I’m just really relaxed and happy.  Really.

Oh, and when I came home from work yesterday…I was pleased to see the results of S’s first grocery shopping expedition in about eight months.  (I take really good care of my family.)  There was a huge double layered Boston Cream Pie in the fridge.  And I don’t know why they call it that, but it tastes so stinkin’ good, who am I to argue?

That, of course, brings me to the Laughing Cow.  See, I was sent home with four wheels of Laughing Cow spreadable swiss after my last visit to Spring and Jay’s.  And I’ve never had Laughing Cow before.  No, never.  And with my extensive knowledge of dairy, I don’t know how that oversight happened.

Maybe the packaging confused me.  Maybe I underestimated how amazing spreadable swiss could be.  Maybe I was just blind to other cheeses after I discovered the Garlic and Herb Boursin, my first love.  All I know is that I will never make that mistake again.

Ahhh, Laughing Cow.

S and I were across the road hanging out in the driveway with Ed and some of the neighbors.  Rachel came wandering over.  In her hand was a stack of my favorite Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits covered in the Laughing Cow.  She forced one on me.  Really.  I tried to protest.  Finally, I gave in and ate one.  She fed the rest to Snickers, the dog; and Fleabag, the cat.  And I was very sorry.

The conversation continued around me, but I was distant, my focus elsewhere.  Why Laughing Cow?  Only now, I think I know.  That cow sure is laughing at me.  I snubbed it.  I looked away.  I thought myself strong and untouchable…impervious to the Laughing Cow’s charms.

Oh, but I’m not.

I left the driveway.

S: Heading in?

me: Yup.  I need to see what else Laughing Cow goes with.  Mmm.  Like inside ham roll ups…

I would have gone crazy with the trial and error, but it seemed unnecessary and gluttonous since I still needed to save room for the cakepie.  And I did.

Lesson learned.  Trying new things is good.  Be bold.  Be daring.  Be not afraid.  From now on, I’ll be sure to look past the packaging to the product within.  I was great at that with people, now I’ll let that carry over to food.

Gotta go.  The fridge calls.

Among my favorites:

• Under the Tuscan Sun  (I love Italy.  And then there was the fact that we were both dealing with divorce and remodeling on our own.  Some great lines that I carry with me: “Regret is the past’s way of crippling you in the present.”  “I bought this house for a life I don’t have.”  Story of hope.)
• The Lake House (I love water and dream of a lake/ocean house of my own.  It’s an amazing love story about an impossible relationship.  We’ve all had those.  Great line: “The one man I can never have, him I would give my whole heart.”  Or words to that effect.)
• The Joy Luck Club (It’s an oldie but a goodie.  I tracked it down FOREVER and bought it the minute I found it on DVD.  Four Chinese women, their Ahinese-American daughters, and the daughters’ relationship with their men.  Favorite inspirational line: “Leave this place and don’t come back until he give you what you want with both hands open.”)
• Cousins (Another oldie.  Isabella Rosellini and Ted Danson.  They meet at a wedding, his uncle, her mother.  Their spouses have a fling.  And they end up falling in love.  Ahhh.)
• Love Actually (Amazing cast.  Great story lines.  Great message.  Love is all around.)
• Someone Like You (Ashley Judd has this incredible scene where she realizes the flaw in her relationship theory and is devastated.  So touching.  Been there, done that.)

And the all time favorite most recently, since it combines movie and music as long as you play it in sing along mode:

• Mama Mia! (Rachel and I would put it on, bake chocolate chip cookies, and dance and sing.  If that combination can’t change your mood, nothing will.)

And now, now that it’s really good, we still sing, we still dance, and if I had an oven, we would still bake chocolate chip cookies.

I was lucky.  In a pinch, I could go visit Jennie, so that I didn’t have to feel so alone.  And I could visit Lisa in Wilmington.  And Donna went to visit her boyfriend practically every weekend and often needed someone to entertain her while he was working.  (And I’m nothing if not entertaining.)  Yet I couldn’t be gone every weekend.  I couldn’t keep running away.  At some point, I had to take the time to inspect my life and figure me out. 

I should warn you, I’m a lister.  I make ‘to do’ lists.  I make comparison lists.  (Boy, did that get me in trouble.)  I can find a way to list virtually anything to sort things out and organize my life.  So, it seemed only natural that I would try to answer what for some would be a simple question.  What do I like to do?  For anyone who’s been in a relationship for any length of time, however, and found it suddenly end, this makes perfect sense.  (Remember Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride?  She didn’t know how she liked her eggs.  It’s something like that.)

Things I Like to Do:

• travel  (I challenge anyone to pack for a week or a weekend faster than I do.  I’ve turned it into an art form.)
• read (I like this for the same reasons I like to travel.  It transports me, and it’s way cheaper.)
• write (There’s something about working my life out on paper, fictionalizing aspects, and creating ideal outcomes that really appeals to me.)
• cook (It does more than fulfill a basic need.  Ever since watching Like Water for Chocolate, I knew there was way more to food than that.)
• spend time with/take care of those I love (To quote S, I’m the biggest nurturer he knows, all goodness.  Not so sure about the ‘all goodness’ part, but if he thinks so…)
• remodeling/decorating (I like things to be comfortable and nice, probably that nurturer thing.)
• combining any of the above  (For example, stick me on a beach with S and the kids with them playing and me reading/playing etc.: bliss!)
• try new things/ stay active (I have gone parasailing, despite my fear of heights, and had a blast.  I’ve ridden a jet ski in the ocean.  I’ve gone to every festival imaginable.  I love watching my Panthers in action.  Take me to the theater, symphony, opera, ballet.  I’ve done it and would do it again.)

It’s not a long list.  And no doubt it will continue to grow.  I’m a simple girl, kind of, with mostly simple tastes.  Right now, I’m still figuring me out.  And I would encourage everyone to do the same.  Somehow, knowing yourself becomes an anchor in tough times.  Once I became better at it, I loved my alone time.