Suddenly Single Journey

Kids Need 2 Parents…

Saturday, June 12th, 2010

While my marriage was no picnic and the divorce was…similar, I still find myself in a better position than many.  There were arguments about who would remain in the house.  Ultimately, we both lost on that one.  There were arguments about who would get some of the various possessions.  Only on one point did we truly agree: no matter what, we wanted the kids to have plenty of time with both of us.  How to handle visitation and custody, for the most part, has not been much of an issue between us.

I know that I’m lucky.  I know this because I talk to parents who are fighting for custody and up to their eyeballs in debt because of exorbitant court costs.  I know because I have spoken to single moms who have exes that simply disappeared after the divorce, exes who rarely keep their scheduled visitation.  My big challenge…child support.  We even managed to work out the entire divorce without lawyers.  The entire process, start to finish, cost me about $15.  In the scheme of things…I’m doing just fine.

My kids spend three weekends a month with their father.  They live with me during the week all school year.  And we tend to be pretty flexible during the summer.  I am…ridiculously fair, overly considerate, a mediator and peacemaker from birth.  I suppose that’s why we stayed married for so long.  And I know that’s why the kids are as well-adjusted as they are.  Yes, I’m lucky.

For those who aren’t so lucky, there are organizations that work to change the laws, work to make sure that parents have the resources to co-parent.  One such organization is Kids Need 2 Parents.  They have a lovely logo designed by one of their members.  And I think their slogan is nothing short of perfect: Because the BEST parent is BOTH parents.

For those of you located in the Carolinas and Charlotte , specifically, there is a rally being held today in center city.  It will be from 3-5pm in Marshall Park.  (More information is available on the website.)  There will be several speakers, some famous even, like Tim McKyer.  Check them out.  Hear them out.  And do what you can to ensure that others who might benefit know about this.

Kids should never suffer because their parents can’t make it work.  And it’s our job as parents to do our best to put our differences aside for the sake of the kids.  (That’s what I have to keep reminding myself.  I don’t pretend it’s always easy.)

So, if your checking out the Taste Of Charlotte, one of my favorite food festivals, swing by and show your support.  And tell Sheila Peltzer, the president of Kids Need 2 Parents, that Nicki sent you.

Posted in Big News!!!! | 3 Comments »

Kittens, kittens, everywhere!

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Yes, that’s right.  Just when I had lost hope, had thought something might have gone horribly wrong…the kittens were coming!

At least…that’s what HE said when he called me at work Thursday morning.

HIM: Um…Sophie is birthing the kittens.

me: You mean Charlie.

HIM: No. I mean Sophie.  Charlie is giving birth, but Sophie is helping her.

me: I’ll be right home.

And so I told Michael I was taking an early lunch…because it was 11am.  Then I rushed home to bring the camera.  You’ll thank me.  Maybe.  I didn’t take any of the really gross ones.  It’s bad enough that I have them emblazoned on mine…I didn’t want you to have to experience that, too.

So, I get home to see that there are two kittens with Charlie and Sophie on the bed.  Sophie is licking Charlie and the kittens.  It was so sweet.  And while HE had claimed the entire process had been really silent, the minute I walked in to Rachel’s room they both looked at me and began mewing.  I’ll translate for you:

Charlie: Mommy, look what I did!  I’m soooo big.  And not just my belly…

Sophie:  I’m helping.  See?  I’m a big helper.

me: Good girls!

And they both wanted to be pet and loved.

HIM: I don’t get it.  They were quiet before you got here.

What can I say?

And there’s something rather special about them being born on May 6th.  This is the day that Emily was born 17 years ago.  She was my first.  She’s always remembered.  *sigh*

Well, after I told him the significance of the day, we went out on the patio to leave them alone for a few minutes.  It was so neat experiencing the miracle of life together.  (Um…except for the placenta eating part…)

me: We have to tell Rachel.

While he was sending a message with one of the pictures he took with his magical iPhone, I went back in the room.  I was only in there for a moment when I noticed…a third kitten!  So, I called him.  No sense in disturbing the girls by shouting.

HIM: Really?  You’re calling me?

me: There’s a third kitten!  I just walked in…

And he was in the room before I could finish.  This is one of the many things I love about him.  He’s not too cool to be all excited and involved.

Well, we watched for a bit more and planned our day.  We still talk constantly about work, but it’s our future, a big part of our life.  And it’s one of the things that connects us.  We’re getting closer and closer because of this.

Eventually, I had to go back to work.  And I didn’t want to.  Before I even made it back…there were four!  Four kittens!

HE hung around for a while.  He wanted to make sure that there were no more kittens popping out unattended.  After all, they were on the bed and we didn’t want them to fall and die.  Last I heard he was leaving around 1:30pm.

Rachel came home about 2:30pm.  And she called me on the walk from the bus.  And she was so excited and wanted me to describe kittens that she would literally be seeing in seconds.  Seconds.

She hung up the phone.  And then she called back.

Rachel: There’s five!  There’s five!  I counted twice!

me: There’s five?  Are you sure?

Rachel: I counted TWICE.

Guess there’s five kittens.  Yeah.  I need five kittens like I need another hole in the head.

And…on the freaky side…

You know how you hear about these crazy women who so badly want a baby that they fake a pregnancy and steal one?  Well, we’re currently experiencing our version of that in the animal world.  Sophie is all kitten crazy.  She tried to nurse one.  Let me explain how well that worked.  And then there is the constant removal of her from the basket of Charlie and the kittens.  Good times.

So…if you want a kitten…let me know!  We could work it out…

Be ready to read a weekly update on the kittens.  I’m going to call it…Kitten Watch 2010.

Posted in Big News!!!! | 5 Comments »

I won…again!

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

So, for years I would admire Makenzie’s Claddagh ring, given to her by Danny when they were young.  She has worn it forever.  It’s beat up.  And I rather liked it because of all the history.  We know I’m big on history and having items with deep meaning and all that jazz.

I’ve researched the Claddagh, since it is a rich part of HIS Irish heritage.  It stands for love, loyalty, and friendship.  I really like that.  And I love that I am about to have a custom one.

I mentioned before that I had entered a contest for a claddagh ring from a Celtic Jewelry Company in Ireland.  (Yes, they’re in the heart of Dublin, to be precise.  Too cool!)

See, I had contacted them to see if they could make us custom wedding bands, alter one of their designs to incorporate his family crest, but they couldn’t.  Instead, I entered their engagement story contest.  And most of you know that story.  You’ve read the entire story of our relationship.  Well, I posted an abbreviated version of it at o’dark thirty one morning on their Facebook site as my entry.

And…I won!

I have to admit, I’ve been particularly lucky this past year.  I won the laptop from Giyen.  I won an autographed book from Rachel Sarah.  I had the opportunity to get a free lip gloss from Bare Escentuals and give one away to a lucky reader.  And now…this.

See, I’ve been missing all my birthstone jewelry.  It was all given to me by the ex and I hadn’t worn it since the separation.  I missed having a ring on my hands period, let alone the wedding set and the anniversary band I wore on the middle finger of my right hand.  So, that’s where the Claddagh ring is going.

Everything just feels right again.  It’s like everything is simply falling into place.  And I think that’s the way it goes when I’m on the right track.  At least, that’s the way it seems to go.

So, if you want to read the entry…here’s our engagement story.

And if you’ve tuned in late and need to catch up on the entire history of our relationship…I have all that for you, too.  You can read about how we met, and why I believe we’re destined to be, and how we found our way back to each other, how he came to love me, and…ultimately the proposal.  Our story doesn’t end there.  It will never end.

That the engagement story won me a birthstone Claddagh ring from Ireland only solidifies his belief that I should write our story.  He’s convinced if nothing else could get me published…that could.  And he swears it’s the one novel he would ever finish reading.  That might be reason enough for my efforts.  Plus, who doesn’t love to read a story that’s juicier than any fiction I could come up with?

Posted in Big News!!!! | 10 Comments »

Introducing…Wedding Journeys!

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Yeah, I didn’t want to be one of those chicks who gets engaged and suddenly all she wants to talk about or, in this case, blog about…is the wedding.  Boring, right?  At the same time, I know there are those who are very interested in the wedding plans, the preparations.  There are those who are dying to hear about my dress shopping, my cake tasting, and my favor selecting.

For those of you who can’t get enough of the wedding talk…I’ll be writing about it on my new blog…Wedding Journeys.  The plan is for it to start with my plans, and what I’m learning, and evolve from there.  The world of weddings has changed significantly since I last did this…seventeen years ago.  *gulp*  And I have much to learn.  This is my second chance.  I want to do it right.  I want this event to be one that we cherish and look back on for years to come with many smiles.  With a little luck and a lot of effort, I’m hoping to avoid another fiasco, or a disaster of epic proportions.

We’re off to a decent start…I think.  It’s hard to say.  We made a vow to not talk about it for a month while we try to accomplish some of our other goals.  Ahhh.  But I didn’t agree to not talk about it at all.  Mwah ha ha!  And planner that I am, I have to share and discuss with someone.  Anyone?

So, I’ll be there…blogging about it.  At the same time, I’m also looking to share other love stories, tales of others’ trips to the altar.  Everyone has a story and I want to hear them, share them.  I hope to learn from other brides, other couples’ experiences.  Thus, if you have a great love story, a great wedding story, drop me an email and I’ll be in touch.

I’m looking forward to getting as much input as possible before the big event.  So, don’t be shy.  Definitely, stop by the new blog, comment, and share your stories.  Can’t wait to see you there!

Quick Karma:

• look for the lessons others have to teach you
  

Posted in Big News!!!! | 7 Comments »

My first giveaway!

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Bare Escentuals new campaign has women rethinking going bare in public.  And right now they are in the middle of a weekly contest.

Go to RethinkWhatMatters to enter.  It’s simple.  Answer five thought provoking, conversation stimulating questions on a given topic.  This week the topic of conversation is ”Rethink finding yourself.”  You could win a Smokey Eye Kit.  (And we all know that smokey eyes are all the rage!)

And when you’re done there come back and enter my giveaway…

I’m so very excited!  And you should be, too.  See, Bare Escentuals gave me a free lip gloss…wait for it…and one to give away to a lucky reader!

By now, you should know I’m a big fan of contests and giveaways.  And I’ve always wanted to host one.  It makes me feel so big!  The best part is, I’m a HUGE fan of lip gloss.  I don’t wear much makeup.  (Seriously, what beauty regimen?)  And yet I love my mineral makeup.

Bare Escentuals is a big believer in going bare…and so am I.  So I’m really excited about this lip gloss.  First, it’s 100% natural…or as I like to think of it…Rachel Approved.  I went to the link they gave me, telling me all about the lip gloss and discovered that they use “natural oils, butters, flower extracts and mineral colorants.”  And, just as important…the result is a buttery texture for supple lips and optimal color.   Oh, and it’s vanilla scented!

So, if you are interested in winning what promises to be my new favorite lip gloss, here’s what you have to do…

1. Leave a comment on my blog telling me what you are doing about finding yourself.  (Hey, I’m on a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement, right?)

Oh, and would you look at that?  That’s it!  I like simple contests.  However…if you are on Twitter…I’d love it if you’d take a moment to follow me @thenicknick.

The contest will close on Friday, February 26th at midnight, EST.  The winner will be selected by Random.org.  I’ll notify you by email, so be watching!  I have to send in your color selection on Sunday, February 28th.

Can’t wait to read your comments!  And good luck to all of you.

PS. Feel free to spread the word.  Re-tweet away!  Facebook share.  However you share news…get on it!

Posted in Big News!!!! | 14 Comments »

One goal completed!

Monday, January 18th, 2010

If you would like to refer back to my goals for the year…I know I would…I was determined to finish writing my ebook.  It was a brainstorm that came to me one evening after I moved into the apartment.  And in all honesty, if I was still with Sam and living with Sam, it probably never would have happened.  Funny how things work, huh?

Well, I was trying to find ways to make some extra money, still wanting to save the house, still wanting my life there back.  After months of struggling to figure out a way to generate some extra money that was completely legit and honorable, I realized that I have a very…limited…skill set.  I mean my friend, Laura, can bake and throw together these amazing jar creations.  And when Ed wants more money he always manages to find new lawn accounts.  And even Jay is hopping on the self-employment band wagon.

But what can I do?  All I know is that words are my friend.  It’s the one area of my life that I am truly disciplined in.  I have very little trouble spending a day in front of a computer, typing away on a topic…mostly.  I love to write.  And so, I tried to find a way to translate that into extra income.  The reality is that ebooks and self-publishing may be the way forward for me while I still work diligently at getting my novels published.

I like the concept behind the ebook I opted to write.  Write about what you know.  Hmmm.  Write about a topic that will help people, solve a problem.  Write about something that people will spend money on.  (Come on, I had to say it.)  And we all know what those topics are.  We all know the areas of people’s lives that they want to improve.

Clearly, I know nothing about making money, so even though that is the number one motivator, I will not be tackling that subject.  And sooo many people need help with dieting.  I am one of them, which is why I can’t write about that…yet…in good conscience.  What does that leave?  Dating.  Man, I can write an ad for Craigslist and find tons of people in no time.

Yup.  That’s what I went with.  There are seven chapters devoted to helping people date using Craigslist.  And believe me, based on the ads I’ve seen, people need this book.  And from the stories I’ve heard, people need this book.  Even I need this book.

See, it made me really think about dating and every aspect of it.  And so, rather than feeling all hypocritical and being all ‘do as I say, not as I do,’ I’m going to begin by taking my own advice.  I’m starting from scratch on this.  I’m starting at the beginning and doing everything to get me ready to date.  We all know that I did a little backslide with Sam.  Now I’m in recovery mode once more.  I’m resilient.  And I’m feeling really good.  I’m going to do it right this time, take my own advice, not get lazy, not skip any steps.  And I’m looking forward to the results.

So, here it is: How to Find THE ONE for Free: The Ultimate Guide to Craigslist Personals.  I spent a lot of time on it.  I did a lot of research.  Lots of emailing, and texting, and bad dates, and elimidates, and even a not a date went into it.  I made plenty of mistakes so that others wouldn’t have to.  I learned a lot about myself and in it I encourage everyone to do the same.  I look at this as the first step to a new me, a new life.  It feels big…and good.  And if I figure out this whole marketing and self-promotion thing then I may write plenty more.

I have a goal.  I want to be able to quit my job and write full-time.  And even if this isn’t some huge success, the fact that I achieved a goal in the time I allotted means something.  It’s a step in the right direction.  And that’s why I gave myself a gold star.

Quick Karma:

• affirm all the good things about yourself

Posted in Big News!!!! | 10 Comments »

May I have your attention, please?

Friday, December 11th, 2009

*Ahem*  Is this thing on?

I have an announcement to make.  Some of you may have already heard…since my mother inadvertently outed me.  (She feels really bad about it, by the way.  So, let’s not mention it…)

Last weekend, I was offered the opportunity to contribute to another blog.  So, in addition to the crazy ramblings I post here, you can now also read me periodically here: Deep South Moms.  They posted my bio a few days ago.

So, yeah, there’s a picture of me.  It’s, apparently, not flattering.  (Mystery Man has spoken.  Of course, some of you may think of him as Mr. Tiffany’s of my not-a-date.)  And in answer to the question some of you are pondering, or even muttering to yourselves if you’ve been reading me a while, no, I don’t think I ever will get tired of linking to that post.  It was an amazing night…and not because of the jewelry.  See, that’s the post that is on the far end of the good side of the spectrum, while this one (with the picture of Sam and the cleansing ritual) is at the opposite end.  I’ll never tire of that one either, though for completely different reasons.  Ahhh.

At some point in time, if I’m ever having a goddess day, or feel especially shiny and pretty, or all loopy on cold medicine…I’ll take a new picture and change that one.  I can’t explain.  Whatever I have doesn’t seem to translate well on camera…digital or film.  I’m best in person…and even then you may be taking your chances.  (This is why I try to stress to Rachel the importance of having a nice personality.)

Well, I am dying to know what you think of the post on the other blog.  Please leave feedback…anywhere you want.  It’s a different experience having an editor.  Here, I can be all wild and crazy, blather on incessantly about everything and nothing.  Here, I have no one to make suggestions or keep me from making a horrific mistake.  There’s no training wheels, I simply rely on my gut.  So far, so good, I guess.  It seems that I haven’t really offended anyone or alienated large groups of people.  Everyone has been really kind.

Here’s my first post.  I don’t think it is a vast departure from what I write here, maybe a little more polished, a little more professional, but I think it still sounds like me.  (You know, single mom muddling through as best she can while exposing her soft underbelly to the world.)  And while it is a post that is original for Deep South Moms, the real me will still be here…all wild and crazy, all uncensored and real.

Have a really special Friday, everyone!  Pick an amazing soundtrack to get yourself through the day.

Posted in Big News!!!! | 7 Comments »

So happy, I had to share it with you…

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

Sometimes things just happen that let you know you’re doing okay…that you are finding success, that you are making an impression.  For me in my blogging life, it has come in the form of recognition from those mom bloggers that I so admire.  The first time Rachel Sarah of Single Mom Seeking sent me an email about a response I had left to one of her posts…well, you would have thought I’d won the lottery.  I mean, wow, she knew I was here!  And she has emailed several times since…Yay!  Again, when I heard from Giyen of Bacon is My Enemy and she started following me on Twitter…well, I thought I could almost hear a choir of angels in the background.  Every once in a while…Mir from Woulda Coulda Shoulda will drop me a quick email.  (She lives one state over…and it is my secret hope that one day we cross paths because she makes me laugh and her Love Thursday posts are good for my soul.)

Well, recently, I received the BEST compliment ever.  Rachel Sarah contacted me to let me know that she loved the comment I had left on her blog about what to say when someone tells you they are getting divorced.  And she wanted to know if she could use it for a post she was working on for another site, MomLogic.  Hmmm.  Let me think on that.  So, one of my favorite bloggers wants to give me a little credit and a link?  Win win! 

The post was published yesterday.  And I was so honored to be included I had to share it with all of you.  I feel special.  I have that new woman smell, all full of confidence and happiness and hope.  (It’s a good smell, huh?) 

So if you get a moment, drop by and read the post: I’m Getting Divorced.  Let me know what you think.  It’s me alright, all real, uncensored, completely unapologetic.  Hope you like it.

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Finally success…

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

    Here it is…our new home, as of Saturday.  That’s right.  We’ll be moving on Halloween, two short days after Rachel has her tonsils and adnoids removed.  At least she’ll get to convalesce at the new apartment.  I know, it’s not ideal, but neither was the alternative. 

See, when I told you that Jennie and I planned to be all business, I wasn’t kidding.  We left the hotel by 8:30am, then drove to my office.  I had inadvertantly taken the office phone with me when I left in a rush on Friday.  And Michael wanted to meet Jennie.  His reaction…

Michael: Wow, when Nicole said that you two looked alike, she wasn’t kidding. 

And then we drove to Home Depot where Jennie bought me boxes and packing tape since we couldn’t get any for free from the mall. Next was a stop at PetSmart so that the babbit could have a non-leaking water bottle.  Way more effective than the current method of filling the bottle daily.  So, it was purchase a new water bottle or sign the babbit up for swimming lessons.

Then we drove to Indian Trail to see the house that was well within my price range but far from my office, the kids’ schools, and all of our friends.  The house was amazing, all 4000 square feet of it.  And we would have had our choice of bedrooms.  And the entire third floor was devoted to entertainment with the pool table, foosball table, air hockey, and home theater.  But it didn’t feel right.

me: I don’t think it’s right.  I want to be on my own, if I can.

Jennie: I understand.  The year I spent on my own was great. 

me: I just want to figure out what I like.  I don’t even know anymore.  I’m so used to pleasing everyone else. 

Jennie: Yeah, and there’s something to be said for the stability you provide for the kids on your own.

So, we returned to Charlotte and began the apartment hunt in earnest.  It wasn’t easy.  Money and credit were a huge factor.  And I was so sad.  I cried at the first place…twice.  I just couldn’t see myself living there.  I couldn’t see the kids being happy there.  And no matter how much I kept chanting in my head that I was going to make it work, I couldn’t.

By now it was lunch time.  And I had already spoken to Sam twice.  He wanted to double check to make sure that he could take the kids’ bed apart, that they weren’t going to be staying over there and need them.  Given how things were left Friday, that was a non-issue.  As far as I was concerned, we were kicked out.  He had said it.  And he hadn’t relented.  The second time, I had called him, hoping for some insight into the apartment search. 

We decided to regroup over lunch.  Panera had wi-fi, so we went there.  I hadn’t planned on eating.  My stomach was in knots, and it’s hard to digest food that way.  After I tasted Jennie’s soup, however, it was impossible not to want to eat.  (I told you Jennie’s good for my soul.  If not for her, I’d have wasted away into nothingness…sort of.)  We found a few potential places and called.  I had a lot working against me in the apartment search. 

We decided to go to Waterford Square, right around the corner.  And Jennie was so awesome.  As always. 

Jennie: They look nice.  There’s little balconies.  They seem to be well maintained.

We had some disagreements about how to find the leasing office.  Every street in there seems to be named Waterford something.  You know I’m going to get lost.  And I began to wonder if trading my GPS for the camera was such a fair trade…but I know it was.  I can read a map.  And I need the camera to record my life for posterity.  I know you’ll be dying for pictures of the apartment, tales of the move.  If only I weren’t so stinking interesting…

The only leasing consultant on duty for a Saturday was busy working with someone else, so we waited and gave ourselves a self-guided tour.  There’s at least one pool.  (We were a little discombobulated…)  There’s racquet ball.  I don’t play, but now I could…I suppose.  And there’s pool.  And there’s a fitness center that I just kind of glanced at.  There’s a computer center.  They have laundry facilities on site…if mine ever die.  It’s a nice place.  And it’s all mine.

We went for a two bedroom two bathroom unit on the first floor.  I’m not going to be schlepping groceries up flights of stairs, or anything else for that matter.  I won’t need to store anything.  Somehow, I’ll make everything fit.  I’ll make it work.  That’s what I do. 

It will be the first time I’ve lived on my own.  I know, some of you are thinking that I’m not on my own because I have the kids.  Yes, but that I have two additional people dependent upon me doesn’t make me less on my own.  In fact, it rather ups the challenge.  If I fail, I’m failing them, too.  See, I went from living at home, to living at the dorm, to living in an apartment with J, to living in a house with J, to living with Sam.  And I’m 37.  (I don’t look it, but I am.)

It will be good.  I just have to focus on the good, let go of all the bad.  Sam is one of the things I’m letting go.  As soon as I’m officially moved out, he’s out of my life for good.  No, we will not be friends.  I know it pains him, but it has to be this way.  I know him and his habits too well after all this time.  Having him in my life would only cripple me.  And I need to be strong. 

The kids and I are bouncing around between friends for the next week.  I’m very organized.  I’m a different kind of homeless.  My cart is a flaming yellow Escape.  And our clothes are in laundry baskets and suitcases.  My purse has a little something for every possibility.  In a few minutes I plan to fish out one of the Earl Grey tea bags I gatewayed from the hotel and make a nice steaming sweet mug.   

I’ve learned my lesson.  I had always thought myself independent, that I could take on the world, that I didn’t need a man.  I guess I needed Sam a bit more than I’m comfortable admitting.  And I forgot to have a plan B.  He was my plan B.  From now on, I don’t make any plan Bs based on anyone but me.  I’m breathing easier today.  Nothing seems as impossible or sad.  I’m rich in friends and that’s what counts.

Posted in Big News!!!! | 5 Comments »