2012 February 17 | Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

Archive for February 17th, 2012

Setting my priorities…

Friday, February 17th, 2012

Breathe, Kenna, breathe!

OR at least trying to.

S thinks that the reason I’m not as focused as I have been in the past is because I spend too much time on Facebook. And this is coming from a man who spends his free time tending a virtual zoo. Hello, pot. Meet kettle.

Oh, but it’s not that simple. I spend a lot of time on Facebook trying to rally the support I need for Kenna. She’s been struggling ever since she was on the CPAP. And while she lasted for 24 hours on that machine and was breathing like a champ…she’s been worn out and on the decline breathing wise ever since.

And it scares me.

I think about it all the time. I have to. I’m the mother.

S thinks she’s just being lazy. He doesn’t see it quite the way I do. And maybe I’m overreacting on account of…I’m the mother. Or maybe I just get it. Maybe I see things he doesn’t see.

All I know is that it’s different for daddies. He thinks the doctors have this all under control. He focuses on work. Supporting his family is his priority. And I applaud that. Taking care of the family and worrying over them is mine.

After the visit yesterday, I’m a little more worried than I have been. Yesterday was the first time in weeks that she didn’t even look at us when we were there. That’s saying something. Our little peanut always tries to look at us. This time…nothing.

Kenna is gaining weight…as she should on the size feedings she’s taking. She’ll be up to full sized feedings tomorrow. And then they are talking about taking out the central line. They have already stopped the lipids. And as long as she’s on full sized feeds she won’t need the line for her the IV nutrition or fluids. Her liver functions are improving. She has this whole pooping thing figured out. Now she needs to be able to breathe.

Breathing is the one big thing my baby girl needs to do. And she isn’t. She can’t. She’s just too tired.

I was told that it could come with strength from the weight gain. And I hope so, but she’s much heavier than she has been. She’s gained several ounces, which is significant for a baby. And still…nothing.

So, I’m trying to focus on work and helping our business, our livelihood, grow. I’m trying to stay organized. I’m trying to be super assistant. (I am not a secretary.) And yet I spend a lot of time worrying about Kenna. I spend a lot of time wondering if she’s going to get over this hump. I wonder what it will take…because so far nothing is working. And I spend time on Facebook…posting updates and responding to messages.

I want for this to simply be a bad memory, for this worry to be a thing of the past. I want her to be happy and healthy and strong. I want her to breathe.

Please think of Kenna. Your prayers, warm wishes, and words of encouragement are always greatly appreciated.