Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

The art of love…

Author: thenicknick

I have to tell you, I loved my most recent From Left to Write selection from the moment I opened the package.  For one thing…the cover The Art of Hearing Heartbeats is lovely…absolutely lovely.  And for another…I loved the writing style.  Most of all, however, this book spoke to me on so many levels that I wondered what I would write, which one aspect of my life I would opt to relate it to.

See, my life is all about love…the love I have for my children, my family members, my friends, and most of all the love I have for S.  While everyone but Kenna has been around a reasonably long time, S has been new.  Our relationship is closing in on four years old this June.  (The blog will be three!)  And our marriage will be a year old in September.

I remember Julia’s conversation with her mother from the beginning of the book, just before Julia left for Burma.  I remember the mother explaining the relationship with her father, where there was no trust, where she had to spy on him.  I remember how he told her he would love her, but not necessarily the kind of love that she wanted.  In truth, his heart always belonged to another.  And yet Julia’s mother married him anyway.  She was too proud, too stubborn not to.

And I understand that.

I think, in part, that was how the relationship with S started out.  He told me from the beginning that he was still trying to get over an ex, that he didn’t know if he could love me.  And I didn’t care about being loved.  I didn’t look at him as forever.  I looked at him as a lovely distraction and a really good friend.  We had this…connection that couldn’t be denied.

Time passed.  He went from not knowing if he could love me to loving me, but not being in love with me.  And I was fine with that.  I figured by then that I could love enough for the both of us.  I had never known anyone who needed my love more.

More time passed.  He finally realized that he not only loved me, but was also in love with me.  He just wasn’t ready to be an instant dad to a teen and a tween.  He still felt like a kid himself.  And in all his years imagining marriage…she was younger and had never been married.  They had all their firsts to enjoy together.  I understood that.  I didn’t imagine falling for a younger man.  I didn’t need to spend my years worrying about losing to a younger woman.

I tried to walk away.  I really did.

Only that wasn’t to be.  Sometimes the connection is too great.  Sometimes the connection overcomes what was once a thought to be too great a stumbling block.  Sometimes you have to simply accept that life is progressing as it should, even if it doesn’t entirely fit with your vision.

He came after me.

S asked me to marry him, even if he wasn’t entirely ready to marry yet.  He asked me to live with him and be his family even though he wasn’t sure how to be a family yet.  He built a life with me even though he wasn’t sure it was the life he wanted yet.

And once he accepted it, accepted that it was me…it had always been me in his heart…we married.

There were those who thought that he would get cold feet.  Instead, he was rushing me to get to the marina where we were wed.  There were those that thought he would have to be talked off the ledge before our nuptials.  Instead, he was calm and collected.

We’ve been through so much in the last three and a half years.  The product of our love is currently on life support.  Ah, but love is strong.  And her father has changed immensely.  He has faith that Kenna will come through this.  He tells me not to worry about things I can’t control.  I think those are the only things worth worrying about.  If I can control something, I don’t have to worry about it now, do I?

What I know for certain is that the only way we’re going to get through the next few months is the same way we’ve made it through these last few years.  We’ll love each other through it.

I received this novel for free through From Left to Write online book club.  This in no way impacted my review.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 31st, 2012 at 1:09 am and is filed under From Left to Write Book Club. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.