Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

The Club No One Wanted to Join…

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

I don’t watch a lot of the news.  It’s a practice that has extended for many years now.  Mostly, to stay informed, I read the news I want to read, rather than be inundated with what the media suggests is most important.  Still, I would have had to have been living Unibomber-style to have missed the story of Bernie Madoff.

From the news reports, I realized that he had been the mastermind behind the biggest Ponzi scheme EVER.  Of course, I wasn’t entirely sure what a Ponzi scheme was and I was only somewhat informed when it came to his victims.  So when I was given the opportunity to read and review a copy of a book written by his survivors, I looked at it as an opportunity to further educate myself.

The book did that…and so much more.

Don’t get me wrong, I am always a champion of the underdog…probably since I usually am the underdog.  I felt for those affected by Madoff’s greed, but I simply didn’t understand the true depth of the situation.  And reading the stories of the survivors clarified it better than any media report ever could have.

In the book, there were pictures of real people affected, as they shared what happened in their own words.  And I think that is what I liked best about it.  there were so many voices, so many stories, so many generations of the same family, sharing their pain, sharing their struggles, sharing their efforts to stay hopeful.  Imagine the effort it takes to remain hopeful in this economy in your later years.  Now imagine the effort to find hope with no nest egg after twenty years of investing, thinking that all is well, comforted in well-informed responsible decisions.

So many of the people that I read about were just average ordinary citizens.  These weren’t greedy money hungry individuals out to make a quick buck.  They had done their research, studied Madoff’s credentials, saw that he had been previously investigated and exonerated of any wrong doing.  They felt confident in their decision to invest with a man who promised reasonable returns and steady growth, rather than making outrageous claims of a fast return on their investment.

What made reading the stories difficult was that so many of the victims were entire families.  Yup.  Mom and Dad would invest and tell their children about how pleased they were with Madoff.  They were doing what good parents do, look out for their children.  And in the end, entire families were wiped out financially.

Sure, some people lost more than others from the Ponzi scheme, but realize that with people investing until it hurt towards retirement…everyone was equally devastated.

It saddened me to read about people forced from retirement back into the work force because their funds were gone.  It saddened me to read about the dreams people had to give up, the houses they lost, the lives destroyed.  We know about those that couldn’t face the loss, couldn’t face another day of humiliation and worry.  We know about those who gave up and took their own lives.

In reading The Club No One Wanted to Join we get to read the stories of hope and survival.  We learn that no one is safe.  No one is immune.  We learn that even after doing the research it is still possible for bad people to take advantage of good people.  On the other hand, we discover that hope and the human spirit are strong.  We learn that good can endure.  We learn that hard work and ingenuity count.  We learn and we feel for Madoff’s victims.

This book can be found on Amazon.

Posted in Reviews | 5 Comments »

I’m free!

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

This is my first post in days, yes days, that hasn’t been dictated by anything.  I don’t have a book I have to write about.  I don’t have a contest with a looming deadline.  I don’t have any review due.  I am smelling the sweet freedom that comes from being able to write about anything I want…ANYTHING.  Yay!

Then, of course, there is that moment when I wonder what I should write about.  I mean, I had  particularly dull serene weekend.  We literally spent Friday night on the couch watching television and movies.  And then we woke up to our Saturday routine of me cooking bacon and eggs and pretty much spent the rest of the day on the couch until after dinner.  We watched some more movies.  We watched some new shows.  We learned about life as an Amish teen.  We watched a show on polygamy which pretty much convinced S that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

We hung out in The Bubble.  We joked around with the neighbors.  We relaxed.  It was nice.  It was necessary.

Then came Sunday.  I love our fall Sundays…most of the time.  These days, with our Panthers and the season they are having, not quite the Sunday funday we’re used to.  *sigh* And so we watched a frustrating game together.

The highlight was having the kids come home.  Keenan was home first, since Rachel had her first meeting at work.  And we played a rousing game of Skipbo.  He, game boy that he is, learns very quickly.  It was perfect for some quality time together.

Then it was off to pick up Rachel.  We talked some.  She spent most of the night apologizing for losing the necklace that I bought her for her birthday.  I’m…destroyed.  I was so proud of that gift.  I was so excited for the scavenger hunt I created for her to find it.  And now, I’m re-thinking the Christmas surprise of a book made on Blurb, since it may make her sad…a reminder of what she once had.

Much to think about.

For now, I’m recuperating from my Monday.  Historically speaking, Mondays hurt.  And I don’t want to focus on how exhausting it was.  I just want to kick back and forget it.  I want to move to greener pastures…like Tuesday…or Wednesday.  Yes, Wednesday!  We’ve had a date on the calendar for two weeks now.  We’re going to see the new Resident Evil movie.  I’ll let you know what I think…whether you like it or not.

For now I’ll leave you with two things…a YouTube video that made me giggle and my one Monday happy thought: Hawaii Five-O.  Love it.  Clever.  Funny.  Eye candy.  Yay!

Enjoy the video and check out the show if you haven’t already.

PS. Thanks for the feedback on the video.  I’ll be making sure the CSI one posts.  I’ve come to decide that maybe all natural isn’t a good look for me. 

Posted in Reflections | 6 Comments »

Your opinion, please…

Monday, September 27th, 2010

I’ve been talking about the Virgin Mattress Contest for a few weeks now.  And I’ve been brainstorming a few ideas.  I take my contest entries very seriously.

Rachel swears I win everything, but if that were the case, I’d be packing and getting ready to go get married in Bermuda with eight of our closest friends and family.  You win some, you lose some.  And that was quite the experience for me.

I hate being in the public eye.  Makes you wonder why I’m working so hard to get published, right?  And while I have often joked that the camera is not my friend, I think that I have proven it.  (Again…Bermuda Wedding Contest.)  So, when I open myself to public scrutiny like that, it makes me cringe.

Know, therefor, that I must really really really need/want a new mattress.  Oh, because I do.  And there are lots of reasons for this.  By now you may recall that my I’m Sorry bed went with the ex in the divorce.  And that’s why I took up residence in Narnia (aka Rachel’s trundle bed) while living in the apartment with the kids.  Who needs a three bedroom when you only have two beds?

And I may have mentioned one or two hundred times that we are currently using S’s bed.  The set we have originally belonged to his sister.  It’s a nice set.  I like it.  Only, between the fact that it’s a secondhand bedroom set and that S was single with that bed…I’d like a fresh mattress, a new (if only to us) bedroom set to go along with our new life.

A virgin mattress would go a long way towards easing my issues.  Oh, and we all know that I have issues. Some days I just hide them better than others.

With that in mind, Rachel and I did the usual the other night.  Yup, S was working late and visiting a friend in the hospital, so we did our own thing.  And by that, I mean that we ate what the three of us wanted, when we wanted, with no limits on dietary requirements.  It was bliss.  And then when the boy ran off and visited a friend, Rachel and I really got into mischief.

We made two movies for the contest.  The first was me in my comfy clothes.  We did it in one take.  Ignore the production value.  And Bishop was a star.  The second, Rachel did my hair and make-up.  It was fun.  Again, one take.  I was going for dramatic effect.  It’s very tongue in cheek.  I never take myself that seriously.  And, for the record, I really don’t have a speech impediment that results in me sounding like a female version of Daffy Duck, although the video would suggest otherwise.

See for yourself.  Oh, and please drop a comment so I know which one to submit.  Thanks!  Oh, and no pressure.  It’s just my back and my emotional well-being at stake. 

or

PS.  It’s not too late to enter.  Of course, you may feel a tad nervous now that you’ve seen the competition.  Just remember, they are giving away THREE mattresses.  Give it a shot!

Posted in Contests and Giveaways | 13 Comments »

The evolving room…

Sunday, September 26th, 2010

There’s something about reading a novel…really reading it, feeling it to your core.  Much like every experience in life, it’ll change you.  And once I’m done with a novel, I can’t help but become introspective.  I can’t help but sit and think and feel.

When I finished reading Room, by Emma Donoghue, I was struggling to find my story within her story.  That’s what we do in the From Left to Write Book Club.  It’s a nice deal.  I sign up for the books I want to read.  They send me the books for free! And then I find my story from the story I read.  It’s a pretty sweet deal.

For me, this time, I was struck by how my life has evolved, how my living situation has changed through the years.  I remembered a time…or a couple of times…that I lived with my mom in her condo with the kids.  On one particular occasions, I stayed there on bed rest for Rachel in what was the den in the basement.  I slept on the sofa bed.  Mom had created a make-shift kitchen, since she was still working and I wasn’t supposed to brave the stairs, but would definitely need to eat during the day.

I had my dorm fridge, the big one, and a toaster.  I had paper plates and cups and silverware, pretty much everything I could need or want.  It was magically supplied to me.  My mother would come down and visit with me after work.  She’d cook dinner for us and we’d eat together in my one room.  She made being on bed rest bearable.  But after six weeks, I had more than a little cabin fever.  In the book, it made me wonder how Ma could survive her one room for seven years.

There are times I long for some alone time, for some solitude, for a room of one’s own.  There are aspects of that situation that I think I might really like.  In the months that I lived in an apartment on my own with the kids, I began to embrace my alone weekends.  I transitioned from being afraid of being alone, needing to have every minute of time taken up with friends and activities and dating, to being finally happy and comfortable in my own skin.

I shared a room with Rachel during that time period.  We have a healthy relationship, for the most part, that was put to the test many times while sharing a room.  I was in her good graces, sleeping on her trundle bed…a place we nicknamed Narnia.  It was a challenge sharing the bathroom.  She’s a slob.  It was a challenge for her reading when I was writing on the computer, or sleeping when I was writing on the computer (no wi-fi), or sleeping when I was watching Hulu on my computer.

Still, there were ways for us to get away from each other.  We had the living room.  There was a dining room.  And of course, there was the great outdoors.  We could take walks.  I could take drives.

At the same time, I miss some of the closeness we had when we were so close, living in such close quarters.  I miss the nights that we would be curled up together with Keenan in Narnia watching television on the laptop.  I miss our nights eating dinner together on an end table that was our coffee table.

It was a life of simplicity.  We had enough.  And we rarely complained.

Now we’re in a house, again, where everyone has a room.  (Okay, I still share mine.)  And we have extra space…a study, a man cave, a screen porch, a patio…in addition to the great room and dining room.  And I’ve discovered that while it’s nice sometimes to have some space, it’s also easy to lose each other, to lose the connection and the family focus.  It’s easy for people to get caught up in going their own way.

There’s good and bad in everything.

This post was made possible and inspired by a book from the From Left to Write Book Club.

Posted in From Left to Write Book Club | 6 Comments »

Feeble attempts at healthy eating…

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

As much as I love food, as big a foodie as I am, you’d think that I would have been instantly inspired by the Yahoo! Mother Board September blog topic: healthy eating.  I think it was that one word, that qualifier that threw me for a loop.  I think that one word had me re-thinking my approach to meals, to how we were doing in our attempts to eat healthy.

After some careful analysis, I feel better.  Really, we’re not doing that bad.  Okay, so we eat more fried chicken than any fifty people should.   In the scheme of things, we are also frying it in canola oil.  I’ve heard good things about canola oil.  Lots of good things.

And okay, maybe we could stand to eat more vegetables and fruits, but we can’t be doing that badly.  The fruit disappears from the basket almost as quickly as I stock it.  And there are rarely vegetable left overs after our meals.  We have a lot of salads. Lots.  And we try new kinds all the time.  Some are big hits…like the Pacific something one with poppy seed dressing and edamame.  Some are failures…like the strawberry one with the strawberry vinaigrette dressing and dried strawberry bits.

There is evidence, however, that I have managed to ingrain some good habits.  The kids are eating before they leave the house.  That’s huge, considering that they are in high school and middle school.  I never ate breakfast those years.

And the other night, my daughter made a pronouncement:

Rachel: Mom, this meal is the best idea you’ve had in a long time.

Yes, in an effort to have meals on the table before bedtime after working all day, the meals may get a bit stale, a bit lacking in creativity.  So what were the kids so excited about?  Well, it was  simple really.

I created a baked potato bar.

Yup.  Simple.  The potatoes were baked in the oven.  I steamed broccoli in a bag.  There was butter and sour cream and cheese.  There was bacon left over from breakfast that I sliced up and crisped in the microwave.  We even had some chicken to throw on top.  The kids were so excited.  And it made me feel guilty.

If it was so simple to make them happy and to spice up our big meal together, what else could I be doing?

I guess this means I’m going to have to dig deep this fall.  I’m going to have to find some new and intriguing crockpot recipes.  And…my kids have specifically requested that we partake in some red meat once in a while.  (Where did I go wrong!?)

They’ll probably live.  They’ll survive mealtime.  Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and all that jazz.  And this has merely served to prove that meals should be more of a joint effort.  I’m thinking if they could start dinner before I get home, we could eat more impressive and exciting meals.  Guess what the topic of our next family meeting is going to be?  Mwah ha ha.

This post was inspired the Yahoo! Mother Board September blog topic.

Posted in Yahoo! Mother Board | 9 Comments »

Steve, where have you been all my life?

Friday, September 24th, 2010

I count myself blessed that I am in a position to be offered so many reading options.  Between the books from the book club and the books offered by publishers, I always have something to enjoy.  (At least I’ve enjoyed pretty much everything so far…except for that Coco Chanel book…)

This time, I was offered the opportunity to read a novel and some blog entries by Steve Ostrow, a lawyer who has decided to put his knowledge of the law to work for the common man.  It is said that when authors write, they are attempting to solve a problem, or in the case of fiction, respond to a ‘what if.’  In this case, we have the solution to a problem that has plagued most Americans FOREVER.

There’s nothing I hate more than having a meal interrupted and quality time with my family put on pause while I answer the phone.  Inevitably, I would discover the source of the disturbance was a telemarketer.  Yippee.  And through the years, family and friends made numerous suggestions for how to remedy the situation.

• Offer to take the offender’s phone number and call them back during their dinner.
• Blow a whistle in their ear.
• Hang up.  Loudly.
• Ask to be taken off their list.

Me, I simply gave up my land line.  I figured it was time to do away with that thing when I was receiving more calls on it from telemarketers than I was from friends and family.  I walked away and never looked back.  Only now…I’m rethinking that decision.  Dagnabit.

See, in his writing, Ostrow teaches us how to profit from those annoyances.  He gives step by step procedures to follow.  These are procedures he has used time and again with much lucrative success.

Imagine how differently we would be feeling about the phone if we were simply wringing our hands, waiting for it to ring so that we could get some money.  Hmmm.  If only I had known so many years ago.

Oh, and that’s not all that Ostrow teaches.  How many of us have walked into work or our home office only to discover a stack of junk faxes.  It isn’t enough to face unsolicited mail in the box, we have to get inundated with junk faxes, too.  I used to be continually assaulted by the health benefits and special deals on vacations.  Those seemed to be the most popular, the most determined, the most frequent.

Well, Ostrow teaches us how to profit from that annoyance as well.  And this is one of the many reasons I wonder where this man has been all my life.  I could have been rich!  Okay, I could have been better off at least.

At least it’s never too late.

Check out Steve Ostrow’s latest work, How to Sue a Telemarketer. The time it takes to read will be more than worth the effort.  And know that it promises to be an easy and educational read.

Posted in Reviews | 2 Comments »

Happiness is a gift we give to ourselves…

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

For years, I thought that happiness was going to be tied to a particular milestone.  I could tell myself as I aged that I would be happy when I had graduated from college, when I had married, when I had children, when I had a house, or any of the other many milestones that I have reached in my years on this earth.

I could still torture myself with believing that true happiness would come when I am finally married to S, or when we buy that elusive beach house, or when I get published.  Instead, I know that none of that is true.  Those are all happy moments, happy experiences, more happy milestones, but the truth is that happiness cannot be measured or the product of any one event.

My plan is to work on a lifetime of happiness, lots of moments of happiness, experience as much happiness as a person can cram into one lifetime.  My plan is to not get bogged down too much in all the big fat hairy BS that can torment us in life.  It’s a good plan.  I’m proud of the plan.  It’s part of the reason that I have been inspired to write the series of happiness posts.

It has been great practice for me to find the many reasons in my life to be happy.  Some weeks it is so so so very simple to select a particular happy moment, happy object, or happy milestone.  Other times I struggle.  Welcome to being human, I guess.

This week, even though it has been another in a series of tumultuous weeks, I am recognizing something I’ve always known.  Happiness comes from within.  And it is my prerogative to choose to be happy no matter what is going on around me.  It is my choice to be happy even if I am coping with rejection after rejection from agent after agent for my newest literary endeavor.  It is my choice to be happy even when my finances are a wreck and my career outlook is grim.  It is my choice to be happy even when things aren’t perfect around the house with the kids and the almost husband and the pets.

Challenging that it is…I’m choosing to be happy.

Why not?  What do I have to lose?

Well, I know the answer to that.  I have been in a dark place before.  And though I joke that I look best in the dark, the truth is that I am a creature of the light.  I crave sunlight, hence part of the rationale for my move 1000 miles from my family.  I seek out the light at the end of the tunnel.  I dig deep.  And when I can’t find it, I despair.  Despair is not a good look for me, even in the dark.

And so, I challenge you to find your happy.  Give yourself the best gift ever.  Dig deep and think about things you have to be happy about.  Start small if you need to.  Maybe you are happy that the gas station egg salad sandwich you struggled to swallow yesterday didn’t give you food poisoning.  Maybe you are happy that the food poisoning was a mild case.  Maybe you are happy that at no point in your life have you had to settle for a gas station sandwich of any kind for a meal.  See?  It’s a start.

Then watch your happy multiply.  Make a game out of it.  The kids and I make games out of everything…waiting for meals at a restaurant, waiting in line at the DMV, or being stuck at the Social Security Office.  It’s amazing how much better bad experiences seem if you just find your happy.

What made you happy today?

Posted in Happiness is... | 12 Comments »

Working towards a Shine-tastic opportunity…

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

Once again, thanks to the Yahoo! Mother Board, I was made aware of an amazing opportunity.  And I can’t stand to pass up opportunities…

So, I wrote a post on Shine discussing a family tradition.  If they like it, I could be a Shine Parent Guru.  Though it probably goes without saying, I would love to be a Shine Parent Guru.

Sure, there is the distinct possibility that I may be spreading myself too thin, at some point, but not yet.  I still seem to be able to manage to keep up with my reading for the From Left to Write online book club.  (And I’m loving it!  I love the selections that have been offered.  I love writing about personal experiences related to these books.  Win win!)  And so far, I have done well with keeping up with my Yahoo! Mother Board posts.  Okay, I’m struggling with the topic for this month: healthy eating.  We do our best around here.  Enough said.

I guess that I am simply exposure greedy.  I am working my tail off to get published.  I have many dreams for this life and none of them involve doing what I’m currently doing until the day I die.  So there.  And if it means that I have to stretch myself a little further in order to see some return on my efforts, I’m there!

Do me a favor, please.  Check out my post on our family tradition over on Shine.  Leave a comment and let me know what you think.  I can use all the help I can get.  And I’m not too proud to ask for it.

And if you have a chance, tell me about some of your family traditions right here, too.  I’m always looking to adopt some great family traditions.

Posted in Big News!!!! | 3 Comments »

When life begins to change…

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

It’s a good time to remember the things that are so good, the things that I want to stay the same.  Without a doubt, there are things that I don’t want to change in my life.  Among them…

• I love how comfortable our home is. I love that the place is so warm and welcoming.  I love that it is just the right size for us.  I love that we have everything we need here.  We have our screen porch that we hang out in ALL THE TIME.  And we have the man cave that we wind down in.  We have the back patio.  I love the great room and the study.  And our bedroom just keeps getting better and better…yay, pillow!
• I love our pets. Bishop keeps us on our toes and entertained.  Between the cost of upkeep and the cost of replacing everything that he destroys…he also keeps us fairly broke.  We joke about Sophie and Ninja.  Ninja is usually all up in our business.  And Sophie is easy to forget, since we have rare and infrequent sightings of her.
• I love our weekend routines. I love waking up late…for me…and making a big breakfast.  There’s nothing I enjoy more than the stability a routine creates.  And we get into an even better rhythm in the fall.  It’s something about the cooler weather, the shorter days, and the bonfires that comfort me.
• I love that dinner has become a mellow event, enjoyable even. The tension that used to exist…gone!  The waiting on S, the wanting to please, the need for family dinners a la TV Land…gone! Dinners are pleasant.  Dinners are relaxed.  Dinners are done completely our way.  It’s about time.
• I love that I have the time and space I need to accomplish what I want. Okay, he gives me time and space, but in reality, there’s never enough time.  I need to work on that.

See, life is changing.  S is changing.  And while these changes are good changes, necessary changes, they are still scary for him.  He worries that he is losing who he is.  Don’t we all?  He worries that I’m taming him.  And I am, to a degree, but not because he was so wild.  Instead, the tameness comes from his developing tender side, his move from being self-absorbed and self-centered to being the man of the family.

Yesterday, I arrived home and he greeted me in driveway.

S: I helped the kids with their homework.

And I smiled, knowing that he was so proud of himself.

me: Good job, babe.

S:  No, really.  I helped Keenan with a math problem and I’ve been working with Rachel on her artwork.

me: What’s the new art project?

S: A self-portrait.  I told her that her head was out of proportion.

And I had to laugh at that one.  He’s such a critic.

Such nice changes.  I was supposed to bring the kids to see a movie last night, but we were all having so much fun that I ended up staying home.  We should do it tonight, unless we decide to wait one more night so that S can join us.

Time to focus on the good and release the bad.  It just makes sense.

Posted in Reflections | 7 Comments »