Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

A little slap and sniffle…

Author: thenicknick

Sometimes the changes are so gradual that they are almost imperceptible.  That’s how it feels.  And then something will happen that slaps me in the face like the ginormous wake-up call that it is and moves me to tears.

That’s how Sunday was.  It was a little slap and sniffle.  I didn’t think I was feeling particularly emotional, but apparently I was.  All I knew for sure was that we were hanging out with friends, friends we have a lot in common with.  The woman has been going through her separation and divorce at the same time I was.  And she has been struggling with money just like I have been.

Only there are some big differences, too.  Big big ones.  Her boyfriend isn’t being nearly as supportive and understanding as HE is.  And Sunday was a prime example.

Boyfriend: I think it’s crazy that I am paying for these kids that aren’t mine.

(And he went on and on.)

HE interrupted him.  And I waited, expecting him to commiserate.

HIM: Do you love her?

There was some hemming and hawing, but an ultimate mumbled ‘yeah.’

HIM: If you love her, then you man up.  You step up and do what needs to be done because you want to be with her.  That’s what a man does.

Boyfriend: Well, the man that made those kids is getting away with not paying.

And my eyes were filling with tears now.

me: They’re not men.  They are merely male.  There’s a big difference.

The guys walked away for a few minutes.  HE had to take a phone call.  And the boyfriend had to use the facilities.  The women were left to sit there, soaking it all in.  We were both sniffling.

Girlfriend: You are so lucky.

I know I am.  We talked about it more when we got home.

HIM: I don’t know why you are so sad.

me: I never wanted this for you.  I want to be able to pay my bills.  I’m trying.  I’m looking for a new job.  I don’t live this extravagant lifestyle.

HIM: Babe, I’m not worried.  I’m prepared to struggle like this for the next two or three years.

me: I’m not prepared to struggle like this for the next two or three months.

HIM: You are so talented and educated, I know you’ll get published or you’ll get a better job.  We’re fine.

Only we’re not fine.  We’re so much better than fine.  I am so blessed to have this man in my life.  My kids are so blessed to have his guidance, care, and protection.  My heart continually swells from it all.  And then it whispers, in his voice, ‘You are loved, Nicknick.  You are loved.’  It will all turn out right.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 18th, 2010 at 6:22 am and is filed under Reflections. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.