Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

Sandra Bullock’s surprise…

Friday, April 30th, 2010

It kills me that people are so shocked that Sandra Bullock not only managed to secretly adopt a child, but to also manage to maintain that secret for months.  It makes absolute perfect sense to me…

If you were the object of continual public scrutiny, and you wanted to raise a child…wouldn’t you do everything you could to keep that innocent little one out of the limelight?  I think that’s a sign of an excellent mother.  I give Sandra…I can call her that because we’re likethis…major props.  Seriously.

I know how hard it is to keep secret something that is huge exciting news.  (I have no spotlight…no stardom…and I shout everything that matters from the roof tops.)  It was all I could do not to call everyone…and I mean EVERYONE…the night HE proposed.  How I managed to not tell anyone for very nearly twelve hours still amazes me.

And when I found out I was pregnant with Rachel…and Keenan…  Yeah.  I spread the joy.  I can’t contain myself.

It must have taken incredible self-control for her to keep quiet about such a miraculous event, such life changing news.  I’m ridiculously proud of her.  And now…it’s out in the open.  It must seem a huge relief.  And at the same time, it must be just a little bit scarier now, too.

Now…the world is watching.  If she didn’t have enough attention because of her philandering husband…if the public wasn’t already tuned in to her every move…wondering over the state of her marriage, now it’s about her being a single mother.  There used to be such a stigma attached to it.

Today, however, there’s not.  It wasn’t such a big deal for me to get divorced and be on my own.  I didn’t feel like the failure I imagined I’d be judged to be.  I didn’t even feel a moment’s hesitation when I changed back to my maiden name.  I didn’t worry that I would be frowned at in public, or at the kids’ schools, or anywhere for not sharing their last name, for not having a ring on my finger.  Times have definitely changed.

Now the only challenge of being a single parent is taking on the role of two people when you’re only one.  Without the stigma, now we just get to parent.  We get to be just like everyone else.  There are many who paved the way to make my life easier, just as I pave the way for other single mothers to come.

As Mother’s Day approaches, here’s to all the single mothers, famous or not.  Here’s to wearing many hats.  Here’s to all the challenges that role entails and confronting it with your chin up and your face pointed toward the sunshine.  Here’s to demonstrating a level of problem solving some never need to achieve.  Here’s to maintaining a sense of pride and a grace that eludes even debutantes.  Single moms, I salute you.

Oh, and to the single dads out there, the dads that step up and help out, and especially to the ones who take on the role of the single mom…that goes for you, too.  You are the best kind of men.

Thinking about that makes me all sappy.  See, when I start thinking about the single dads, I also have to think about those uber special step-dads.  I think about men like HIM who have taken on an instant family, embraced their new role, and not only thrive, but ensure the kids do, too.

I guess what it all boils down to is that nothing in the world is more important than being a good parent.  It’s a job that is often thankless, the pay is in affection and appreciation (sometimes we don’t even get that…), and the reward is often the job itself…seeing a job well-done.  Still, I wouldn’t want to do anything else.

Maybe that’s why Sandra worked for years to adopt a child.  Maybe she understands that already.  And if not, she’ll learn.  This is one of those roles with a lot of on the job training.  Somehow, I think she’ll do just fine.

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