Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

It all came to a head…

Author: thenicknick

Monday night.

We were supposed to all go to the movies.  The plan was to spend a little more quality time with the kids before sending them off to be with their father for the rest of the break.  And I treasure my time with them.  Really, I do.

At the same time…the weekend was stressful.  Nothing went quite as I planned.  We hadn’t settled anything for the wedding.  It felt like we were getting farther and farther from our goal altogether.  And, in typical Nicki form, I just wanted things to be settled already.

It had been a long miserable ride home on Sunday.  We were all over-tired.  We had another disappointing breakfast.  It was actually the same breakfast as the morning before.  So, that wasn’t helping matters.

HE was a bit snappish.  And I was tired of trying to placate everybody.  I was tired of doing everything.  It felt like it was all me, all the time.  Later, I realized that we were playing to our strengths.  He had washed the cars while I unpacked and started laundry.

Dinner was…okay.  We decided against spending any more money so we assessed the contents of the fridge.  It was egg pancakes, regular pancakes, and bacon for dinner.  Then, when everyone complained that they were still hungry, I made the rest of the wings in the fryer.

It just…was a bit tense.  We had survived our first car trip with the kids.  We had my mom around most of the trip.  And we hadn’t had much couple time.

So, when he changed everything up on me Monday after work…it didn’t go well.  He decided that he didn’t want to go to the movie with us.  He wanted to stay home and have some alone time.  And I felt rushed to make the earlier movie.  I felt rushed to get out so he could start his glorious alone time.  I never take that well.

The movie, Clash of the Titans, was…okay.  I’ve seen so many amazing movies lately that it’s hard to get excited over this one.  I didn’t really feel for the characters.  I didn’t care what happened.  And it wasn’t all because of HIM.  It was just the movie itself.

We came home after.  I was reluctant to spend any more money.  And I knew what I’d find.  I knew it.  I knew he’d be hanging out with Ed.  And even though I knew it wasn’t meant to hurt me…I guess it did a little.  He could rally to hang out with Ed, but didn’t want to hang out with me, with us?  The kids felt it, too.

Rachel: That doesn’t look like alone time.

I know better than to approach him angry.  I know that he will only react angrily.  Still, I was upset and hurting.

me: Why don’t you call it what it is?  Time away from us.

There were lots of angry words spoken on both sides.  He was feeling trapped.  I was feeling pushed away.  And somehow, neither of us could make our point understood.  Well, I understood him.  I just couldn’t make him see me, understand how I felt.

me: I don’t want to be hurt and upset all night.  I don’t want to do this anymore.

HIM: You don’t want to talk anymore?

me: No.  I don’t.  We’ve ruined enough of the night.  Just go hang out.  I’ll see you later.

He went in the house before going back across the street.  I thought and paced in the garage a moment.  And then I went in the house.

He was standing in entry, watching the wrestling that Keenan had on television.  He looked at me and tried to paste a smile on his face.  It was…unnatural.  I stared at him and placed my hands on my hips.

me: I want a do-over.

Now the smile was real.

HIM: You want a do-over?  Let’s go.

He went back to his place in the garage.  He turned and smiled at me.  I went back to mine.  I gazed at him expectantly.

HIM: Hey, babe!  How was the movie?

me: It was okay.  You didn’t miss much.

And we talked.  We joked.  We let everything go.  It was as if the last twenty minutes had never happened.

me: I love you.  I’m sorry.

HIM: I love you, too.  Sorry for what?  Those twenty minutes never happened.

And then he did something he’s started doing ever since our meeting with the wedding planner.  He told me something he loved about me.  It usually goes like this…

“(fill in the blank) is just one of the many things I love about you.”

Who doesn’t need to hear that once in a while?  Who isn’t bolstered by a constant running list of loveable qualities?  Who wouldn’t find perfect reassurance and faith in that kind of relationship?

We’re not perfect people.  We may just be perfect for each other.  We’ve got forever to figure it out.  And we’ve got the power of the do-over when we mess up.  It’s a good life.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 7th, 2010 at 6:15 am and is filed under relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.