Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

Poor puppy!

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

We’re leaving Friday morning to go to the beach.  Ahh, I know you think it’s all about fun and games, but it isn’t.  See, we’ll be working on wedding stuff.  Specifically, we’ll be seeing the place we want to get married and talking to the event planners there.

In the mean time, there’s a lot of preparation that’s taking place.  And the biggest preparation must be made for our biggest challenge, our almost biggest family member…Bishop.  Such is the plight of the dog owner.

When other people leave town for a few days, no big deal.  When dog owners try to leave for a few days…huge deal.  Who will take care of the puppy?  And he’s just a baby.

Okay, he’s more like Baby Huey.  Our baby weighed in last week at 115 pounds.  And I realize I didn’t exactly mention the trip to the vet.  I didn’t tell you how challenging it was to get him into the vehicle.  I didn’t tell you it took two of us…me and Rachel.  HE was still working and met me there.  (Thank goodness, otherwise I’d still be wandering around that parking lot, wondering how to load the pup.)  I didn’t mention that he took up the entire back seat.  Most of all, I didn’t tell you how he launched himself out of the vehicle and over my head when we returned home.  Yup.  Scared the life out of me.

So, we’re having trouble finding someone to care for Bishop.  Laura is out of town and Ed is working a lot of hours over the weekend.  And it seems like just about everyone else is afraid of the responsibility.  Who can blame them?

Our baby has developed a bit of a reputation.  Where other big dogs are destructive, ripping apart upholstery, gnawing on wooden furniture, soiling the carpets, Bishop hasn’t.  He has two weaknesses: stuffed animals, since they so closely resemble his own toys; and food.  That dog loves food.  (He takes after his mommy…)

Sunday morning, I made a breakfast of cheesy scrambled eggs and maple sausage for Lonnie and Lindsay.  We ate some and then they had to leave.  HE was just limping out of the bedroom.  So, we walked them out and like the complete trusting idiots we are, left Bishop alone in the kitchen.

He’s wiley.  I’ll give him that.  I heard a noise and went to investigate.  Bishop bolted from the kitchen to his food bowl and tried to act non-chalant.  We started to walk back into the house when we heard a louder crash.  Ah.  That was the sound of the pan of eggs falling from the stove to the tile floor.  Excellent.

He was disciplined and kenneled.  And I’d love to tell you that it works.  Instead, when it comes to food, he seems to want to risk the consequences.  He may always be like this.  Knowing that it could be far worse, I’m hoping that consistency will eventually pay off.

And if it doesn’t…he’s hard not to love.  His devotion is touching.  His snuggling is moving.  Really.  I’m usually squished.  And I can’t remember life before him.  We wouldn’t have it any other way.  In some ways, he’s a symbol of our relationship, another challenge that we face head on.  In our world, don’t give us some wimpy…the bigger, the better.

Quick Karma:

• develop compassion for all living beings
  

Posted in Bishop tales | 6 Comments »

When did I know…

Monday, March 29th, 2010

Everything has been going really well.  For the most part.  Wedding plans are progressing nicely.  We are happier than ever, closer than ever.  And it feels so good.

Yesterday was a particularly spectacular day.  And I realized this morning that it was two years ago yesterday that we met.  Two years already.  And my feelings simply grow.  Sometimes, lately, I swear my heart could just burst from it all.

Our friends had stayed over after the cookout.  And HE came to bed around 4:30am after playing pool with Lonnie in the man cave.  I had him tuck me in at 2am.  Somehow, it’s a respectable enough time that I think is less of a reflection on my age and more a reflection on my busy life.

Still, I woke happy.  And I posted to the blogs while he slept in the bed beside me, the cats cuddled around me, and Bishop sitting next to me.  It was nice.

After they left and we had cleaned up…as always…together.  We talked.  We discussed our relationship, our upcoming wedding, our hopes and dreams for the future.  Good talks.  And we talked about something that Jolene brought up in a recent post.  When did I know I was in love?  I think when I talked about it, I couldn’t come up with an ah ha moment.  I think I had claimed that maybe there wasn’t one special moment, that it was everything over time.

Only yesterday, as I talked with HIM, it all came rushing back to me.  And it is such a great story that I had to share.  (You know me, just try to stop me.)

Early in our relationship, the ex and I were stuck living together while we worked through the details of the separation/divorce and he figured out where he was going to live.  It was challenging.  I had completely checked out.  The ex didn’t want his comfortable life disrupted.  And HE was constantly struggling with the urge to beat the stuffing out of the ex over various incidents.

One night, I was over with HIM watching a movie.  We were snuggled on the couch, talking and relaxing.  The ex called.  He was loud and obnoxious and threatening.  I don’t recall what was said, I only remember that HE could hear it.  And when I announced that I had to go, he was concerned.

HIM: Don’t go.  I’m worried about what he might do.  I can’t go over there.

me: I’ll be fine.  I have to go.  The kids are there.

He frowned at me.  Worry furrowed his brow.  His fists flexed in helplessness.

HIM: Just know that you can come back here if you need to.

me: Thanks.  I won’t come back if I don’t see any lights on.  I know how you need your sleep.

So, I went home.  And I dealt with the ex and his craziness.  And I wanted to go back, but there were threats about what would happen if I did.  That’s why I stayed.  Sometimes, you have to do what you have to do.

We spoke the next night when I was once again at his house.  I told him about everything that had taken place the night before.

HIM: You should have left.  You should have come back.  You could have brought the kids.

me: I knew you needed sleep. We talked about that.

HIM: I told you I’d leave the light on for you.  Last night, I left every light in the house on for you.

I stared at him then.  And I remember how I felt it.  My heart swelled so big it was in my throat.  He left all the lights on for me so that I would know I could come back.  I knew at that moment.  That was when I realized that I was stupid in love with this man.

I told him the story yesterday.  It all became clear to me.  I guess I knew early on in the relationship that he was the one.  He’s the first man I’ve given my whole heart to.  He’s the one I share everything with.  I get to marry my best friend…the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, and love.

Ahhh.

On a side note…I bought the dress.  Read all about the plans on today’s post.  I link to an Irish jeweler who does a monthly giveaway of a Claddagh ring through Facebook.

Quick Karma:

• believe that life was given for joy
  

Posted in Reflections | 13 Comments »

It was a crazy, busy, perfect day…

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

I started my day yesterday with a body wrap.  Ahhh, the lengths I’ll go to in order to be wedding ready.  He’s worth it.  (And I really enjoy the body wraps.)

So, suddenly it was 11am and I hadn’t accomplished anything…other than losing a lot of inches.  And we had company coming for a cookout…which meant a house to ready and a meal to prepare.  Lots of errands to run.  And it was one of those days where everything took longer than it should.

Soon, I had some groceries…that I thought were all we discussed needing and a movie.  I had intended to pick up another bottle of my favorite ‘ritas to share but it seems they can only be found at Frugal MacDougals and that was waaaay out of the way.  So, no ‘ritas.

I had to run and get Bishop more food.  For a moment, a very brief moment, I considered bringing him with me.  He always makes such a huge stir when he goes anywhere.  People are simply not used to seeing a dog of that magnitude.  After I arrived at Petco, I really wished I had brought him.  The Great Dane Rescue was there with about five or six Great Danes.

They were surrounded my a huge crowd of people who wanted to look, but were afraid to touch.  I took several pictures with my phone and sent them to HIM.  I knew he’d be sorry he was missing this.  Then I went to pet the dogs.  Yes, they look intimidating, but they are gentle giants as long as you aren’t threatening someone they love.

Know what I discovered?  Bishop is huge.  He’s already larger than the biggest one they had there, but not as heavy yet.  And he is so beautiful.  We really are lucky.  I swapped stories with one of the handlers.

man: Yeah, you have to watch them.  Our Dane ate an entire loaf of Italian bread that we were going to have with dinner last night.

I smirked while thinking…amateur.

me: A few weeks ago, Bishop broke into the neighbor’s house and ate a bucket of chicken, a dozen bagels, three sticks of butter, a piece of Black Tie Chocolate Mousse cake, the left over Olive Garden breadsticks and the chicken alfredo with fettucine.

And while I didn’t say it out loud, I was really thinking…top that!

He couldn’t.  Ha!  Or rather…mwah ha ha!

Then I had to pick up a present for Lena, since Spring had to have two out of three daughters in March.  Her birthday was later in the afternoon at the park.  We were going.  And you know what that means…swings!

Finally, I was done.  Or so I thought.  And I headed home to meet HIM and wrap the present.  When I arrived, Jay was mowing the lawn.  Yes, we have a lawn guy.  And with the help the kids provide now at the low low price of $8 per kid per week, it does free up more time.  Yay!

And Jay needed me to pick up the cake on the way to the party.  Another trip to the grocery store.  Nuts.  And HE arrived and we headed out to the party.  There were tons of kids.  There was plenty of drama.  And there were swings!  So, despite the craziness, I had cake and relaxed while swinging.

The next thing you know, we’re discussing the cookout and we’re back at another grocery store.  Then we’re at Target buying a new fryer.  It’s our summer ritual.  I’m not sure when fryers became a disposable appliance at $60 a pop, but to HIM they are.  The new fryer is stainless steel and looks even easier to clean.  Since I somehow end up being the one to clean it, I’ll let you know.

Lonnie and Lindsay came over for dinner.  This was kind of our belated St. Patrick’s Day celebration since the actual one was a bust.  So there was chicken on the grill, chicken strips in the fryer, baskets and baskets of homemade fries, and so much fun.

The only blemish on an otherwise perfect evening was the fact that our bonfire was lacking.  We couldn’t have s’mores, despite the fact that I had all the necessary items.  They gave up sweets for Lent.

me: Next year, give up what I give up.

Lindsay: What’s that?

me: Empty promises.

It’s early in the season.  There will be plenty more bonfires…maybe tonight even.  And there will be more opportunities for s’mores.

What I loved about the night was the love and the laughter.  (Okay, and the food was stupid good, too.)  We all joke around.  We talk and laugh.  We had some serious discussions.  Until we actually get married, that will always be a topic of discussion.

Lonnie and Lindsay were married in a beautiful mountain wedding.  I’ve seen pictures and it looked lovely.  Ed and Laura were married in a park in Miami and had a reception there that involved a cookout and kegs.  And while I haven’t seen pictures, it sounds lovely.

So the question was posed.  Where do we want to get married?  We’re meeting with planners on Friday to see if we want to get married on the beach in Atlantic Beach, North Carolina.  Yet, HE apparently still has his heart set on a Caribbean wedding.  Who knows?  We’ll see.

I’m not overly picky about where we get married…although I do rather have my heart set on that dress.  And I guess that means I have my heart rather set on a beach wedding.  At the same time, I just want him to have a wedding he’s happy with, that we’re happy with.  I want another amazing memory together filled with love and laughter, just like the rest of our life.

We’re blessed.  We know it.  Thank you, all of you, for being a part of our life.

Posted in Reflections | 3 Comments »

Let your voice be heard…

Saturday, March 27th, 2010

Okay, so I read Pippi’s post Thursday and it inspired me.  She shared this list that she had found from another blogger.  And I thought about how many stories were contained in this list.  So, read through it…and leave a comment.  I’ll share stories about the ones that seemed most interesting to you.

Here it is…

Pippi scratched out the items on the list that she’s done in her life…

Me…I’m gonna bullet them…

• Graduated High School
• Kissed someone.

Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out. PUKED  (**Nope.  I puked.  For the better part of a day.  Hence my feelings toward Goldschlager.)

• Rode every ride at an amusement park. I GET NAUSEATED EASILY  (Huh.  I have a stomach of steel…normally.)
• Collected something really stupid. HMMMM – LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT  (lots of stupid things…not always my idea…in my defense)
• Gone to a rock concert.
• Helped someone.
• Gone fishing
• Watched four movies in one night.
• Gone long periods of time with out sleep. PIPPI NEEDS HER SLEEP. I WOULD NOT LAST A NIGHT IN VEGAS w/MINDY & GANG (Nicki, since we’re apparently referring to ourselves int he third person, can function on almost no sleep.  And I’ve proven it.)
• Lied to someone.
• Been dumped.

Snorted cocaine.

• Failed a class.  (College.  Statistics.  And my mother bought his condo.)

Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.

• Taken a college level course.  (I even took enough to graduate…twice!)

Been in a car accident.

• Been in a tornado.  (I was 12, home alone with my little sister…)
• Watched someone die.
• Been to a funeral.
• Burned yourself. (accidentally)

Ran a marathon. I RAN A HALF MARATHON IN 1:39:49! (Kudos, Pip!  But…why?)

• Your parents got divorced.   (separated)
• Cried yourself to sleep.
• Spent over $200 in one day.
• Flown on a plane.
• Cheated on someone.
• Been cheated on. HMMM, DON’T KNOW  (Knowing isn’t any easier…)

Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.

• Cut yourself.
• Had a best friend.
• Lost someone you loved. GRANDPARENTS  (Practically everyone I loved…)

Shoplifted something.
Had detention.

• Skipped school.
• Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
• Stolen books from the library.  (It was an accident.  I moved…)
• Gone to a different country.  (several: Mexico, Canada, France, Italy
• Dropped out of school. (leave of absence…)

Been in a mental hospital.

• Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. HANGS HEAD (Proudly read the entire series.  Even more proud when the kids read it by themselves…BEFORE watching the movies.)
• Had an online diary. DOES MY BLOG COUNT? (Ditto…)
• Fired a gun. HOW ABOUT AN AIRSOFT GUN?  (Air soft, bb, and paintball…Ahhh, good times in The Bubble.  And a good story…)

Gambled in a casino.

• Had a yard sale.

And a lemonade stand. A VIRTUAL ONE
Actually made money at the lemonade stand. $265 FOR MINDY

• Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.

• Gone to sea world.

Attempted suicide.

• Voted for American/Australian Idol.  (Sorry, Kelly.  I was rooting for Justin…)
• Written poetry.
• Read more than 20 books a year.  month…
• Gone to Europe.
• Loved someone you couldn’t have. HMMMM, DEFINE LOVE  (Or shouldn’t have…)

Wondered about your sexuality. DOES LESBIAN PORN COUNT?

• Used a coloring book over age 12.
• Had surgery.
• Had stitches. and staples…
• Taken a taxi.

Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.

• Been in a fist fight.
• Suffered any form of abuse.
• Had a hamster.
• Petted a wild animal.
• Used a credit card.

Gone surfing in California.

• Did “spirit day” at school.
• Dyed your hair. JUST TO HIDE THE GRAYS  (Just to hide the whites…)
• Got a tattoo. SHHH (VERY DISCREET)  (seriously…)
• Had something pierced. EARS
• Got straight A’s.
• Been on the Honor Roll.

Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam. WITH BF *WINK*

• Started a fire. IN A FIREPLACE

Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

Okay…so my life has not been dull.  I like it that way.  And I intend to keep it that way.  I’m off to a good start.

So…what do you want to know about?  Or maybe you’d like to share your own stories.  I love other people’s stories…

PS. I really did write a lot today.  You can read my post raising a teenage daughter over on Deep South Moms, or if you want to read about the lengths I’m going to in order to get my body wedding ready, stop by Wedding Journeys.

Posted in Just Sharing | 6 Comments »

A little backstory…

Friday, March 26th, 2010

When people ask of my birth, I joke about being imported.  I tell everyone it sounds so much more exotic than simply being adopted.  And if you know me, then you know I can never be too simple.  God forbid that you should accuse me of being run of the mill or ordinary…you might never live it down.  *ahem*

So, the truth of my existence is that I am adopted.  It’s something I’ve always known.  My mom, the woman who raised me, always read me a children’s book while I was little that explained what adoption was.  The book was called “The Chosen Baby.”  It was designed to make me feel special, loved, and wanted.  There are some indications it may have worked too well…like that time with my little sister.

As so frequently happens, my parents were able to have a child on their own about two and a half years after adopting me.  And Allison was feisty…still is.  One day she was very angry with me over goodness knows what.  She was about 8 years old.  And she spoke words meant to strike a mortal blow.

Allison:  Well, you’re not even their real child!

me: Well, at least they wanted me.  They got stuck with you!

Yes, I had comebacks even then.  And she ran off crying.  (Told you I can make people cry using just my words…)

As I grew older, and like any normal kid, I wanted to know about my family.  I wanted some history.  I wanted to know what I was.  There would be projects in school where we studied various cultures and were supposed to research our origins.  Only…I didn’t have any history.  Unlike HIM, who is proud to be Irish, I had nothing.  I grasped at any straws I was given.

My ophthalmologist suggested at one time that given the shape of my eyes and my cheekbones that I might be Iroquois Indian.  Well, I ran with it and read everything I could about the Iroquois.  Now, of course, I realize that given the nature of my adoption, I could be anything or come from anywhere.

See, this story emerged as I aged…

Apparently, my biological parents were engaged and the minute my mother announced her pregnancy…he bolted.  So, rather than have an abortion, (thank you!) she opted to go live with a relative until I was born.  Her obstetrician was my mom’s cousin.  And that’s how the private adoption was negotiated.

You would think that since my cousin was the physician who helped bring me into the world that I would have more clues about my past.  I don’t.  He passed away many years ago.  All I have is a name.  And…every time I have registered on an adoption website…and there have been many…I wonder if I’m even spelling it right.

The name…the one my mom saw on the adoption papers and carried in her soul until I was almost a mother myself…was Mary Ann Petrashune.

I have a birth certificate, but it has the names of my adopted parents, not my biological parents.  I know I was born in St. Anthony’s Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida on July 7, 1972.  (It always seemed like a lucky thing to be born with so many 7s.)  And, since my kids both had Mongolian spots on their lower backs when they were young and we know the ex’s heritage, we know that I am not completely Caucasian.  See, told you I was exotic.

HE has been very supportive of my efforts to find my past, get some history, discover my heritage.  Maybe it’s because his history means so much to him.  Maybe it’s simply because he cares for me so deeply and he wants me to have everything.  Whatever the reason, I was still surprised when he spoke to me the other night as we were lying there in bed.

He was wrapped around me, like always.  And his arm tightened about my waist briefly before he spoke.

HIM: I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

me: About what?

HIM: Your other family.

I knew what he meant.  I had explained to him that sometimes it bothered me that my family was so small.  I told him that it wasn’t that I wanted a replacement family.  It wasn’t that I felt like I had missed out on anything by being raised by my adoptive parents.  They were all I had ever known.  They loved me and cared for me and never treated me differently than their biological child.  It wasn’t that at all.  It would simply be nice to have someone that I looked like or a medical history or any history.

HIM: I think that when we have some money we should hire a private investigator.  They will have more success than the adoption sites.

And I looked at him, amazed.  It still surprises me the things he thinks about.  And I didn’t know what to say.  So, I spoke from the heart.

me: I love you.  That would be nice.  Thank you.

So, there it is.  Maybe someday I will have an answer to life’s mysteries.  Maybe I’ll know whose eyes I have.  Maybe I’ll see where that nose came from.  Maybe I’ll have family stories about coming over on the Mayflower or being related to some writer or just anything.  Maybe they’ll be a huge disappointment like Joe Dirt’s family was.  It’s a risk I don’t mind taking.

I’m not looking for a new mom.  I have a great one already.  I’m not looking for a new family.  I love the one I have.  Still, I have a lot of love.  And if that was an option, I’d embrace it.  And if it’s not…could I at least get some medical history, please?

Quick Karma:

• nothing can bring you peace but yourself
  

Posted in Just Sharing | 22 Comments »

Happiness is a dawn walk…

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I love my dawn walks.  There’s something to be said for waking up and greeting the sun, meeting the day head on, preparing to face all the challenges.  I really enjoy it.

The walks started as a method for me to lose weight.  Of all the possible ways for me to exercise, it seemed the least painful.  I mean, what are the chances I can do serious damage that will put me out of commission on a walk?  (This is coming from the woman who sprained an ankle in a bad dismount off the couch.  Right.)

And so, I get up every morning, and after posting and doing all the reading I can before 6:15am, I walk.  The route is the same.  I started on the greenway, but the greenway is scary at dawn.  The people are scary at dawn.  And while HE has suggested that I could take Bishop with me…I’m not sure that would work well.  There’s a possibility that our puppy-cow would chase something and drag me after him.  (He weighs 115 pounds.  The same weight I should weigh…)  And I don’t know how aerobic the walk would be with him doing that dog thing…walking and stopping to constantly sniff and pee.  So, no Bishop.

Instead, I trek down Carmel Road.  I turn around just before the intersection, at Spring and Jay’s house.  And then I hike on home.

When the timing is perfect, I get to watch the sun rise.  I love that.  I love that because every time I see the sunrise, it reminds me of watching the sunrise at Myrtle Beach with HIM on our first trip.  Ahhh.  And that’s a great way to start any day.

The walk gives me a chance to get focused for the day.  I think about what I need to accomplish.  I dream about what I can accomplish.  And I sing to myself and in my head.  My favorite song is the one that played that morning at the beach.

May you greet each dawn with a smile.  May you meet all your challenges head on.  And may you find the right one to share all your dawns, dusks, and everything in between with.

Quick Karma:

• meditate as you walk

PS.  If you have a minute to offer some wedding planning advice, please stop by Wedding Journeys.  We are preparing to have That Talk about our wedding budget.

Posted in Happiness is... | 6 Comments »

I’m a survivor…

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Reading and commenting on posts today made me think of a parallel to my own life.  See, my premise is that this relationship with him has been a bit like a game of Suvivor.  Ummm…maybe a lot like Survivor.

It’s true that I have outlasted any of the girlfriends past.  I’m not sure that it has anything to do with outwitting.  And I certainly wouldn’t suggest that I outplayed anyone.  I don’t play.  Love isn’t a game.  It’s real and serious and should be treated as such.  It should be nurtured and appreciated, handled with care and respect.  That is probably the real reason I’m still around.  I understand this.

At the same time…there have been elimination challenges…maybe simply eliminations.  And there have been rewards…reward challenges even.  We broke up over and over again for the same reason.  He couldn’t see himself married to me.  He couldn’t see himself married to someone older, someone with kids, someone who had already been married.

Then, after a while, after all the history we made, all the bonds we built, the memories, the closeness…somehow…he couldn’t see himself with anyone else.  That’s the best place to be in.  He doesn’t want to share the rest of his life with anyone but me.  Ahh.

It was a long time coming.  I had to exhibit a ridiculous amount of patience.  I had to put my foot down at times.  I had to remember what I was worth, what I deserved, and refuse to settle for less.  I had to stand up to him and tell him I expected more than crumbs, that I should be given the whole meal, dessert, too.  Eventually, he figured it out.  After a while, he was ready to give me everything I needed and more.

I’ve seen how his feelings continue to evolve.  I can feel how much more deeply we are connected, how much happier he is than ever before.  It surprises him, but it’s a great look for him.  The ‘ritas and the sweatshirts are only a small part of it.

My bear of a man wakes up happy now.  He jokes with me and plays with me.  It was cold this morning.  The heat wasn’t on overnight and the temperature in the house was a brisk 59 degrees when we woke.  Brrr.  He had come into the bathroom to brush his teeth, then jumped back under the covers while I dried off.  I hopped in with him.

HIM: It’s cold!

me: I know.

And we snuggled close for a few minutes to share the warmth.

me: I think you should bring me my clothes so I can get dressed under the covers and stay warm.

I was playing with him.  I fully expected him to tell me to get them myself or respond with something equally playful and silly.  Instead, he had a thoughtful look on his face.

HIM: Do you have them together already?

me: Yup.

A few more minutes passed.  I wasn’t eager to move.  I still had time to relax and enjoy him.  For that, I’d make time even…

Soon, he hopped out of bed and walked to my closet.  I was confused.  Then it hit me.  He was really going to get my clothes for me so I could stay warm.

me: Awww, babe!  It’s okay.  I need to get up.  And for future reference…they are in the bathroom.

Huh.  He would brave the cold so that I don’t have to.  Very nice.

So, it’s no wonder that I try to do special little things for him in return.  There have been mixed results.  He once told me that the woman he married would be able to make French Silk pie for him.  Thus began an epic struggle to perfect the French Silk pie.  Now, you wouldn’t think it would be that difficult, right?  I  mean, they serve it at Waffle House.  How hard can it be?

Well, I tried one recipe after another.  One was too grainy.  Another was too heavy.  I must have made a half dozen French Silk pies before he told me to give up.

HIM: Babe, so pie isn’t your thing…

And he patted my hand.  Grrr.

I can bake.  Dammit.  I am an excellent cook.  Who would know that I couldn’t make the one freakin’ dessert he loved?  Double grrr.

He suggested that blonde would be a better color for me.  Right.  In case you forgot how that turned out…read this.  And soon after that, I let him pay for my hair to be chemically straightened.  It was a disaster of epic proportions.  My hair was in recovery for…well, nearly forever.  It’s just now looking like hair…again.

Then he told me that he thought the sexiest song in the world was Alannah Myles’ Black Velvet. It wasn’t the words so much as the tune and the way she sang it.  He told me if I could sing it…well, let’s leave it at that.

So, I’ll be working on perfecting that before the honeymoon.

My point, I suppose, is that the relationships that last, that endure, that survive…are the ones where the people in them respect one another and try to make the other person happy.  These relationships are punctuated with mutual appreciation, and lots of love.  The best relationships are taken seriously, often passionate, and especially playful.  These couples know how to work together, how to weather a storm, how to compromise, how to let go of hurts.

It doesn’t come all at once.  It evolves over time.  And that is why I constantly believe in the importance of time and patience, but maybe communication most of all.  Let love grow.

Quick Karma:

• make your heart as open as the sky

PS. I’ve posted a picture of the dress I’m thinking about wearing for the wedding on Wedding Journeys.  Please stop by.  I need all the feedback I can get.  Suddenly HE has decided he’s all traditional and can’t see the dress before the wedding.

Posted in relationships | 12 Comments »

Pleasantly surprised…

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

I think we can all agree that I’ve been a little…all over the board…lately.  It’s not that I’m not happy, it’s simply that I’m feeling a tad overwhelmed.  Of course, that’s only when I’m thinking about it.  For the most part, I’m living in the moment and thrilled with my life.

There are some things I’d like to be doing better.  For one thing, I haven’t been as good as I’d like to be about responding to comments and with giving good feedback on the blogs I love to read.  I’m trying, guys.  Please be patient.  I’m getting better at balancing…I hope.  It’s just that I have to find this balance in so many areas of my life.  I’m trying to balance the kids and HIM.  I’m trying to keep our relationship fresh and growing.  I’m trying to maintain a house, raise a puppy-cow, and write.  The writing is my passion.  I started this blog as a way to find an audience and hopefully make myself more marketable so that some publishing house would scoop me right up.

Now, I realize that I could be perfectly content blogging for a living.  I have the second blog I started, Wedding Journeys.  And in my dream world, there would be a third…something to do with travel.  Once that is done, I should have every aspect of life that I’m passionate about covered…wouldn’t you think?

Only all of this takes time.  And when it’s the one thing I can’t make more of, it bothers me to think of wasting a moment of it.  So, mostly I don’t.  I can make an argument for everything I do, the importance of it.  And with that kind of justification, I manage to lose the guilt.  Hanging out with the neighbors…blog fodder.  Hanging out with the kids and HIM…the most important uses of my time whether I write about it or not.  Cleaning…necessary evil.  Writing…my goal.

Well, in an effort to be a better friend and blogger, I read through as many of the blogs as possible before exercising Monday morning.  And I guess it’s a good thing I did.  Travis of A Culminating Life gave me an award.  Huh?

Apparently I bring a smile to his face every once in a while, so he thought of me and gave me the Sunshine Award.  Yay!  I am his sunshine!  (So, you know the song is going through my head.  And it’s the version sung by the cute little girl.  Was it for hot dogs?  I don’t know.  And the voice in my head isn’t giving it up.)

I’m glad I make people smile.  It reminds me of the discussion I had with HIM the other day out in the yard.  I was telling him about bringing Rachel to the doctor that day and how we had entertained the office…unintentionally.

HIM: You always make a scene wherever your go.  You can’t help it.

He was smiling so I know he didn’t mean it in a bad way.  And he’s never embarrassed to go out in public with us or join in our fun, which is good, since he’s going to be around a long time.  He’s partially right.  In some ways, I can’t help it when I make a scene…in others…I simply don’t care.  I like breaking up the monotony of life and leaving people smiling.  There are worse ways to be.

To me, life is made up of moments.  And I try to find the happy in them.  I try to find the story in everything.  Think about it.  Think about how a group of friends can be together on an outing.  Think about how different all their versions of the event are when they retell it.  I love being a storyteller.

Today and every day, find your story, find your happy.  Hang onto the good.  Let go of the bad.  And if you want some suggestions for places to find this happy…well, here are some of the people who make me smile.  Here are the bloggers I think deserve this Sunshine Award.

• Jolene of To Be Determined is just overflowing with joy these days.  She’s in a new relationship and simply reeks of hope and happiness and possible love.  It makes me warm and fuzzy to read her.
• T of Quest for T always gives me hope.  She balances her ex, her girls, her friends, her work, and her long distance relationship with a grace and poise that inspire me.  (I don’t know how you do it.  Teach me, wise one.)  And even when she has moments where she struggles, she shares something amazing that I can apply to my own life.  Ahhh.
• Mindy of Single Mom Says vents with style.  And I admire her for it.  I wish I could do it more.  It might be healthier to let it out.  She’s not afraid to speak her mind and let it all hang out.
• Pippi never fails to make me laugh.  She often shocks and surprises me with the things she shares in her posts.  Wow.  Just…wow.  Her creativity is never lacking.  And she has not only become a blog family member, but a true friend.  So glad to have you in my life, girl!
• Danielle of Mid Life Mommy inspired me with her Happy posts to develop my own.  And I have to tell you…it’s a great project.  Everyone should get on board.  The world would be a better place if we found more things to be happy about.
• Krys of Keenie Beenie takes the most beautiful pictures and shares them with us.  She even made a movie of her trip to the Japanese Gardens that made me want to hop on a plane.
• Meredith of Sailor Scorpio writes a combination of gratitudes that help me stay on track and shares incredible meals that she makes…that make me both incredibly jealous of her culinary prowess and riddled with feelings of inadequacy, since tonight I picked up Taco Bell.

So keep spreading the sunshine.  I’ll be reading.

Quick Karma:

• stay centered when things are out of balance
  

Posted in Reflections | 9 Comments »

Struggling to get it all together…

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

There’s so much going on right now.  So much of it is good, but at the same time, I feel like I’m not doing anything well.  I have too  many balls up in the air and I’m just not that much of a juggler.

It was a great weekend.  It was just the weekend I needed, minus the rain.  And I really enjoyed every minute of it.  Still…I’m falling behind on so many of my responsibilities.  Life just keeps interfering.

I never know when a neighbor will pop over.  And I love the popovers.  I  love talking and hanging out.  I need down time.  At the same time, I can be guilty of enjoying too much of a good thing.  (Even as I write, I’m wishing I was outside hanging out with HIM and the gang over at Ed’s.)

In some ways, I was really productive.  The house is clean.  In fact, the house is cleaner than it ever has been.  I need a clean space so I can focus on work, but this place is soooo much larger than the apartment that it requires more time than I have to spend on it.

And that’s the big detractor from true happiness and perfect productivity.  So, we sat down while the kids were gone for the weekend and thought up the ideal solution for our problem.

HIM: You are spending too much time working on the house.

me: I know!

HIM: The kids have too much free time.  They need to contribute more.

me: No argument here.

HIM: What if we have a chore list like you used to that they have to accomplish every night?  What if we give them an allowance?

me: Hmm.  Not good enough.  They need a penalty for not doing their work on time or not doing it well, a fine.  We need to make it more like real life.

HIM: I think this could work.

So, we’ll see if it works.  We’ll see if this frees up some of  my time so that I can get more done.  I feel ridiculously guilty when I don’t keep in touch with the blog family.  I feel guilty when I can’t get everything done around the house that I want to accomplish.  And I need to stay on top of everything.

Guess I could use some advice.  Anyone want to tell me how they balance everything?  I’m out of time.  I can’t get up any earlier or stay up any later.  I’m functioning on five hours sleep a day.  So, now what?

How do all the other single parents make it work?  And if you have no advice but simply want to vent, make me feel better and less alone…I’ll take that too!

Quick Karma:

• don’t get anxious, angry, or upset about things over which you have no power
  

Posted in Reflections | 11 Comments »