Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

How quickly life changes…

Author: thenicknick

I used to have this discussion with Sam.  (Yes, I mentioned him by name.  And I guess maybe that’s because, like in the Harry Potter movies…I’m not afraid of him anymore.  He holds no power over me.)  This is how the discussion inevitably went…

Sam: I like you all strong and confident.  Maybe you’re just submissive in relationships.

Ha.  That wasn’t it.  So I felt compelled to explain.

me: No, but if you want me strong and confident you have to give me something you’ve never given me.  You look at Spring and Jay and think about how they shouldn’t be together, all the challenges to their relationship, all the arguments.  All I know is that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, they have something you’ve never given me.  They love each other and want to be together.

The last time I told him that, he accused me of trying to hurt him.  And I guess that sometimes the truth does hurt.

You may wonder what has me thinking about this now.  How does this suddenly come up a month later?  Well, hold on, I’m getting to it…eventually.  Just know that this has nothing to do with Sam and everything to do with me…which is pretty much as it should be.

My life lately has been one revelation after another.  I have been putting out into the world what I need and I have been blessed time and again receiving it.  I asked for a mere distraction.  I wanted someone to come and keep me so preoccupied that I wouldn’t have a moment to think about Sam, about where I was this time last year, about any of it.  I wanted to stop hurting and start moving on.  And the new guy entered my life.

I wrote rules for dating me and expectations for being with me…and without even having to be trained or told or asked or cajoled or guilted into it or anything…the new guy has surpassed my hopes and dreams and expectations.  No one is more surprised than I am.  No one is more shocked and awed than I am.  No one is more appreciative than I am.  And I think I’d be hard pressed to find someone more blessed.

For the first time EVER I am in a relationship with someone who is not only ambitious, but encourages my ambitions.  We reach out to one another constantly without worrying about whether the attentions are unwelcome.  We connect as often as we can.  He truly understands the importance of little gestures as demonstrated regularly.  I could go on and on about how amazing he is and how perfect things are between us, but I think I heard Kimberly throw up a little in her mouth.  Sorry!

All I know is that I get to write to my heart’s content.  I get to blog guilt free and without limitations.  I get to spend time with friends and the kids.  And I still get him, too.  Finally, I’m in a relationship where I’m calm, relaxed, confident, and happy.  What do I do with that?

Just when I thought I was in danger of life being on an even keel, of having no drama to write about, no controversy, no craziness, he dropped it on me.  And I have to applaud him for his honesty, for preparing me.

NG: If this deal goes through like I think it will, it means that I’ll be hired.

me: So, you’ll be her body guard.

NG: Yeah.

And I thought about it for a little while.  He heard my silence, felt my distance.

NG: Sweetie, whatcha thinking about?

me: *sigh* So you’ll be back on the road again.

NG: Yeah.

It was too soon for me to ask what I really wanted to ask.  I really wanted to know what this means to me, to us.  I really wanted to know if it was time to throw a kevlar vest around my heart.  I wanted to know if I should distance myself, prepare for what I saw as inevitable.  Instead, I chose a different route.

me: Well, I guess we just take it day by day then, enjoy the time we have.

NG: Babe, we’re going to work through this.  Some days will be hard.  Some days will be easier.  Somehow, we’ll pull through.

me: *smile* Well, I’ve always believed that anything worth having was worth working for.

In my mind, all I could think was really?  He’s already telling me that at the end of the day, he wants to be with me.  If that’s the case, we’re only missing one key ingredient.  And surely that will come in time.  After all, to know me is to love me.  One of the first things the new guy ever said to me before he even asked for my phone number…

NG: Hmmm.  I thought you were married.

me: Why did you think that?

NG: You are the marrying kind.

He’s told me time and again that he’s not being selfish, that he’ll find a balance.  (So far, so good.)  He’s told me that he’s always going to encourage me and be supportive of my dreams.  (More on that in future posts…)

The last thing he said to me?

NG: Babe, this is going to be a big prosperous year for both of us.  We’re going to get through together.

Together.  I like the sound of that.  And I read blogs of other long distance relationships and think that when it’s the right guy, somehow it does work.  Thank you, T!  Thank you, Martini Mom!  (Umm, maybe we need to call you Milk Mom for the rest of the pregnancy?)  Thank you, Mama Sunshine!  Because of you, I may believe the impossible is possible.

Quick Karma:

• focus on your connection with someone, not on what separates you
  

This entry was posted on Friday, February 5th, 2010 at 5:52 am and is filed under dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.