Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

What are you waiting for?

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

I had a post all ready for today.  It was a cute little post about what an idiot I am, since yesterday morning I managed to be so distracted that I went through the Chick-fil-A drive thru and only after rounding the speaker and being hemmed in…realized I had never actually placed an order.  They were really great about it, allowing me to order and pay at the window.  Sure there were three of them there, staring at me, but I deserved it.  And there was more to it…of course, but the reality is that life happened last night and it meant that I couldn’t, in good conscience, post about that this morning.

Last night it snowed some in Charlotte.  I was overwhelmed by the beauty of it, much as I was overwhelmed by the lines at the grocery store because of the snow.  (Yes, when there is a threat of inclement weather, the stores are systematically emptied of bread and milk.  I, however, bought breakfast food and everything Chinese…)  And I was further overwhelmed by the new guy’s show of concern.  He was worried about me driving.  I wasn’t.  I grew up in the Adirondacks.  I was simply worried some southerner would hit me.  And then he was further bothered at the thought that I might be alone in this weather.  Ummm.  And it was nice, a very nice change.

Circumstances resulted in me spending time with Jay and Spring and her girls.  We watched Bedtime Stories and talked.  They wanted me to spend the night, but I didn’t.  I wanted to be home…eventually to sleep and write.  And I had big Skyping plans…that meant I talked to Rain for just about five hours.  (For those of you doing the math…I ended up getting off the computer just shy of 4am.  I had to go.  As time wore on, I wasn’t getting any prettier…)

So that conversation, more than anything else that happened previously, changed my life.  To catch some of you up, he recently shared on his blog a story of his friend, Gabe, who was battling cancer and given a matter of weeks to live.  He even shared her last poetry slam (just as I’m about to do) because it is powerful stuff.  And when there is a message that should be spread, I try to do so.  As you may gather, Gabe passed away yesterday.  For those of us who didn’t know her and now will never get the chance, watching this may be the best we can do.

It’s powerful and thought provoking stuff.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask of my readers today.  What I knew for certain was that I wanted Gabe to be honored.  How do you honor a woman like that?  Do you light a candle?  Do you have a moment of silence?  What would Gabe like?  Well, I think that’s obvious.  Gabe would like us to live…truly live…and live truly.

All I could think about was how much time I had wasted on worthless pursuits.  I looked back on my night.  It wasn’t a total waste.  I spent time with people I cared about, lots of them.  I talked to the kids on the phone.  And I was proud of that.  Only, it wasn’t enough.  There’s no time like the present to change the course of my life.  And I think I’m on the right track.  I think I’m finally making some strong choices.  I’m listing for life and encouraging the kids to join me.  We have some worthwhile activities ahead of us.  And I don’t want to waste a minute.

Let’s face it.  If I did…Gabe would rail at me.  She’s watching us now.  She has our wings.  She’s all angel.  And I want to make her proud.  I want to live a worthwhile life.  That’s how I’m going to honor her message.  Now you.  What are you waiting for?

Quick Karma:

• live life right now

Posted in Just Sharing | 11 Comments »

Remodeling my life…

Friday, January 29th, 2010

For years I was into remodeling projects.  I would watch TLC and all the remodeling and renovating shows with a passion most people save for the bedroom.  It was my fix.  I live to dream.

Then the ex and I bought the house.  He literally backed the U-haul up to the door and left me to it for three weeks.  He was opening a new restaurant and would come home to sleep for a few hours, but otherwise pretty much was a distant memory.

In the time that he was gone, I unpacked the entire house.  And without his input, I started making changes.  I changed out the hardware in the kitchen.  (And learned how to use a drill.  My first power tool.  I was sooo big!)  Then, I noticed a piece of wallpaper in the master bath that was peeling away from the wall.  So, I pulled.  Of course I did.

And I actually thought it through.  I knew that there was a danger that I’d find a huge mess or something underneath, but instead it was simply a painted wall.  There it was.  My first big remodel.  The bathroom needed a complete overhaul.  There was no storage, no place for toiletries, no room for towels.  The tile was original and beyond dated.  The toilet was, too.  The tub…I could work with.

So, I rented a steamer to remove the wallpaper, only to discover that the one wall with the gaping wallpaper was the only wall that had paint under it.  No, the other walls were three layers of wallpaper with horrible layers of paint in between, down to sheet rock that didn’t have any primer on it.  Can you say ‘nightmare?’  Oh, I was in remodeling hell.  And it only grew worse.

Much worse.  Soon my mother would be coming to visit and the thought of five people sharing one bathroom was more than I could fathom.  So, my plan was to have the bathroom walls repaired and primed.  It would at least be useable.  Then, once she departed, I would finish the remodel.  Yup.  That was my plan.

Only as I was drying my hair in the hall bathroom one morning, out of the corner of my eye, the toilet passed by.  Really.  And I paused as my mind tried to wrap itself around what had just happened.  Yeah, after swearing to never do any home remodeling projects, the ex decided to yank out the toilet without consulting me.

To say that the next two weeks were ugly would be a gross understatement.  See, he had just put the remodel on steroids.  Now we  had to remodel the entire bathroom.  There’s no putting in a new flange and new toilet and new wax ring on an old floor.  And in order to remove the floor, the cabinet and sink had to come out, which also meant taking down the mirror.  Oh, and since all that was being done, I might just as well scrape the popcorn off the ceiling.

That’s what started the massive remodel on a limited budget and fixed schedule.  Two weeks.  That’s all the time I had.  And those two weeks were a flurry of work for me, since I still had to do my regular job.  So, I’d start some project before work and recommence after work.  Yeah, me.  All me.  The only help I had was my sorta brother-in-law.  (Thank you, Rob!)  After you factor in labor, surety bonds, and other costs it sure beats hiring a contractor.

Oh, and the ex drove a long long way away to pick up the linen cabinet.  Let’s face it.  He was safer there, far far away from me.  I used that time to demo the tile floor.  It was an act of blood, sweat, and tears.  (Those tiles were like little razors as they flew around the room.)

I learned one skill after another.  I learned how to use a tile saw.  I learned how to lay tile and mix leveler and grout.  I learned how to spackle and venetian plaster.  I learned I was a product person and not a project person.  I learned the ex and I had less in common than I thought.

When it was over, I was happy to be done.  When the marriage was over, I was fine with it being done.  When the house sells…or is forclosed on, I will be okay with it being gone.

Now, I have too much else going on.  I am working on the biggest remodel of my life.  Yeah, it’s the complete overhaul of my life.  It feels like a fire sale.  Everything must go go go!  It feels like a demo to the bare bones.  I’ve even looked into ways to refinance my home.  And what is left is being rebuilt from the foundation up.  It’s all new and shiny and improved.

I’m adapting to the changes.  I’m embracing this new life.  Like the remodels of the past, there have been some unexpected surprises.  I’m discovering friends I never knew I had.  I’m developing skills I never knew I needed.  And though I tend to be a product person, this time, I am enjoying the process.  It’s a good thing because this is going to take a while.  There are no quick fixes for my life, which is perfectly fine.  Anything worth doing is worth doing well.  Imagine what it will do for my resale value.

Quick Karma:

• people become what they expect themselves to become

Posted in Remodeling Stories | 23 Comments »

The litmus test…

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

I have so much to learn…

Sometimes I feel myself floundering in this new foray.  How to date?  What do I know about dating?  Seriously.  In all honesty…not much.  I don’t know how to date.  I know how to be in a relationship.  So, here I am, utterly unprepared.  At the same time…the new guy seems to have the same problem.

Somehow, it feels like we’re already in a relationship.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice.  We’ve been seeing each other every day, even if it is only for a little while.  And when we’re together, we seem to have mastered a healthy mix of enjoying being in the moment, getting to know each other, and… making out.  There.  I said it.

And all of that has been good.  We’re slowly unraveling each other’s mysteries.  We are slowly exploring our chemistry.  He continually surprises me with his consistency and consideration.  The other night we met out at The Graduate.  I parked and was ready to walk in all by myself when I realized he had waited for me in his vehicle.  Wow.  So, we walked in together.

NG: Look at you.  You were all ready to sashay in there on your own.

He says I have a sexy walk, that I sashay.  Did I mention that before?

Even though I am used to opening the door myself, I resisted.  I knew he would want to open it for me.  It was a struggle, the classic definition of inner conflict.  Somehow, I made it.  Whew.  Only, then I blew it once we reached the bar.  He pulled out a stool, and I sat on the one next to it.

So, he’s standing there behind the stool looking at me.  And I smiled at him.

NG: I pulled out this stool for you.

Huh.  Naturally, I did what I do.  I laughed and moved.

me: Thanks.  Yeah.  I’m never going to get used to this.

NG: Yeah, you will.

And I like that.  I like that he seems to want to take the time to school me, to be around long enough to school me.  Let’s face it…I’m utterly unprepared for the niceties that come from gentlemen.  With J I was lucky if he didn’t let the door swing back and hit me after he walked through.  (And in one truly ironic experience, I had literally finished pointing out one evening as we were headed to the movies that he never opened doors for me when we arrived at the theater and walked through, same as always.  Only this time, I wasn’t paying attention and it swung back and nailed me.  I just stood there a moment, smarting and shocked.)  Then there was HIM.  Every once in a while he’d open a door, but it wasn’t a consistent thing.  Naturally.

Every morning I’m still utterly surprised when the new guy calls to see how I’m doing and wish me a nice day.  I’m still awed that he thinks to call and tell me goodnight every night.  And I’m still completely enamored with the way he texts me during the day, just to let me know he’s thinking of me.  Oh, and he doesn’t just ask about me.  He wants to know how the kids are.  Wow.

Needless to say, analytical one that I am, I have given some thought to whether or not we’re going anywhere, whether or not he could become a fixture in my life.  And to figure that out, I have to look at the list (of course there’s a list) that I wrote so long ago.

I had read The Secret. My relationship with J was over for all practical purposes.  And I figured if I could just define this elusive relationship that I sought, I’d be headed in the right direction to find it.  Sometimes, I thought I had parts of it with HIM.  I thought that maybe given time, things would work out.  Now I know that some things require more than time, for some things no amount of time will ever be enough.  Bad fit.  And while it’s too soon to tell, it seems like I’m finally on the right track.

What I want:

• Ÿ         I want someone who I can do something with or nothing with and still be happy

• Ÿ         I want someone who will both listen and speak, someone I can share my hopes, dreams, thoughts, and feelings with and who will reciprocate

• Ÿ         I want to feel loved and appreciated

• Ÿ         I don’t want to have doubts when we’re apart that the feelings are still there

• Ÿ         I want someone I can trust with my heart, body, and mind so that I never have to worry about being hurt in any way

• Ÿ         I want to be able to be myself, even if it means calling and sharing the mundane aspects of my life or texting to make him smile, and I never want to have to worry about how it’s being perceived

• Ÿ         I want to be able to reach out and touch and snuggle without being accused of smothering

• Ÿ         I want to be able to be around without feeling unwanted or unwelcome

• Ÿ         I want someone to share my life with who will ultimately want to live together and maybe even marry one day

• Ÿ         I want someone who thinks of me periodically and lets me know by texting, calling, or spending time with me

• Ÿ         I want someone who is kind and considerate, always thinking of my feelings and puts my needs before his own because if we’re both doing that everybody wins

• Ÿ         I want someone who will like my kids and see them for the amazing individuals they are

• Ÿ         I want someone to think I’m amazing, too

• Ÿ         I want to be supported, someone I can count on because life is so much easier when someone shares the burdens and so much richer when someone shares the joys

• Ÿ         I want someone who not only shares my interests but indulges them

• Ÿ         I want someone who looks at life as an adventure to be experienced, who wants to try new things, go lots of places

• Ÿ         I want to both make plans and be spontaneous

• Ÿ         I want compliments and gentle suggestions for improvement

• Ÿ         I want someone I can give everything to and not hold back

Yeah, I’m making a mental tally.  So far, so good.

Quick Karma:

• accept what comes your way without doubt and without fear

Posted in Reflections | 15 Comments »

What color are those tights?

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

I’m so used to doing everything and taking care of everything.  Sometimes it gets to be a bit much.  Sometimes I’d like to slow down, stop working so hard, but at the same time…I’m not there yet.  With everything I hope to accomplish this year, I can’t be falling off so soon.

And yet already I feel myself being stretched too thin.  (And yet still not thin…hmmm.)  I know when it happens because I start to slip.  Or in this case…oversleep.

It made me think of one of my favorite single moms from the poetry slam in Black Mountain.  I had hoped that someone would have a YouTube video of the poetry slam for me to share with you, but no such luck.  Guess that will be up to me this year.  I’ll just add it to my list.  Right.

Well, this really talented woman, whose name escapes me, does this bit about how her son asks her if she were a superhero, what color tights would she wear?  And she thinks for a moment before responding with ‘pink.’

So, it had me thinking.  I know black is slimming, but I’m not really a tights chick.  No, I preferred the Wonder Woman outfit.  I had Wonder Woman underoos and everything when I was too little to fit into that bustier.  (I could totally rock that bustier now.)  And I loved the boots.  And the head band.  And the wrist bands.  Okay…the costume was AWESOME.

Sometimes my kids treat me like a superhero.  Why, just last night, Rachel made a comment.

Rachel: You know how some people talk about doing stuff?

me: Yeah?

Rachel: Know what I love about you?

me: What?

Rachel: You don’t just talk about stuff, you do it!  That’s so cool.

So, I guess I hope that I am teaching them to keep their word, to follow through with what they say they want to do, to not just chase their dreams, but to make every effort to attain them.  It’s hard work.  It’s hard to stay on top of everything.  Things sometimes just fall out of my head.  My drive sometimes dwindles.  That’s when it’s nice to have the new guy holding me in check.

I set my alarm every morning for 5am.  That’s the time when I should get up.  Only, if for some reason I miss, I have a back up alarm at 5:30am.  Except that this morning…it didn’t happen.  Or it didn’t make an impression.  Know what did?  The new guy called to say good morning.  And he quite possibly prevented a catastrophe of epic proportions.  Rachel’s alarm never went off.  It was just shy of 6am.

Yay for the new guy!  Yay for his constant contact!  Yay for keeping me in check!

Even Rachel commented.

Rachel: Thank him for me.  After I got over cursing him out in my head for waking me up, I realized he saved the day.

Yeah, heroes come in all shapes and sizes.  I almost want to ask him what color tights he would wear.  Even thinking it makes me giggle.  See, he would NEVER wear tights.  I’ve hugged him while he wore a kevlar vest.  I’ve seen him in a running suit.  I can absolutely picture him doing a quick change in a phone booth, but still…no tights.

So to all the parents out there, married or single, start channeling your inner hero.  And when the kids ask, be sure to have an answer about those tights.

Quick Karma:

• remember that kids take note of everything adults do and say

Posted in Reflections | 10 Comments »

We made a pact…

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Yup.  Over dinner.

Jennie: So, you’re going to the reunion, right?

It’s our twenty year reunion this year.  High school.  Yay.

me: Um.  I guess so?  I mean, I told my family I would.  Seemed like a good excuse to bring the kids and spend time with them.

Jennie: Good.  I’m doing the same thing.  So, it’s settled, right?

And I knew what she meant.  We had come to an agreement.  We were going to hold each other to it.  And to show how serious we were, we posted it on Facebook.  (Because that which gets posted on Facebook gets done…)

Despite the fact that I’ve been sorta trying to lose weight this year, I decided to get more serious and focused about it.  Days before the new guy came into the picture and before Jennie and I agreed to get reunion-ready, I had already made a plan.

Yes, because I don’t cram enough in before I go to work (a typical morning involves posting to the blog, sharing the blog, reading and commenting on the blogs I have on my blog roll, showering, dressing, motivating two kids to get to the bus stop, and picking up the place before I leave for work at 8am) I will now add mall walking to my agenda.  See, I like walking.  I prefer to walk outdoors, but I no longer have my normal route, unless I want to drive back to the old neighborhood and take my normal route.  And I just don’t see me doing that, no matter how close it is.  Then, on top of that, it’s too cold an dark right now for that to be a viable option.  So, mall walking it is.  Lapping the elderly ought to be a mixed bag for my ego.

In addition, while I try not to be too crazy about the way we eat, since I don’t want the kids to be all deprived, I am going to be more conscientious about what goes in my mouth and how much goes in my mouth because if it goes in mouth it will end up in my belly where it will be randomly dispersed to my belly, butt, and thighs.  (Although history would suggest that it does not necessarily go in that particular order.)

Well, I’m glad that Rain gave me the what for on my self-deprecating sense of humor.  Apparently the new guy doesn’t like it either.  I guess I had made some comment about the mall walking when he brought up weight lifting and the resulting conversation was waaay more serious than I intended.

NG: Aren’t you happy with your body?

me: I’m fine with it.  I would just like to be happier with my body in a bathing suit.

NG: Well, I like you just the way you are.

Hmm.  And he seemed sincere.  At the same time…he hasn’t seen me nekkid.  No, these days I’m under several layers that hide my…layers.  Too soon in the south, there will be no more hiding.  So, I tried to explain it to him.  There’s much to explain.

me: I try not to get too crazy.  If I order a salad, it’s because I want to eat the salad, not because I’m really watching what I eat that much.  And I like walking.  I like the way it makes me feel, getting the blood pumping.  And I like that it gives me an opportunity to think and get focused.  It’s not because I’m so desperate or determined to lose weight, but that is a nice side effect.

He seemed satisfied with my answer.  His brow was less furrowed.  And his shoulders relaxed.  The truth set us free.

After I stepped out of the shower Monday morning and followed my normal routine which involved slathering large quantities of lotion over my body, it gave me a moment to pause and ponder my problem areas.  In reality, I haven’t been at my goal weight since I first was pregnant with Rachel.  I’ve been packing on more than I should for roughly sixteen years.  And that is long enough.

I’ve congratulated myself on being a mere size above my high school size, but given that the sizing has changed, I can’t pat myself on the back.  And facing reality has been…harsh.  Though I think my self-image is generally healthy, I want to be the best I can be…not because of a reunion or bathing suit season or a new guy, but because I want to be comfortable and confident with me.

Never do I want to be mid hug and think, uh oh!  Do I have back fat?  Never do I want to be shocked at cellulite when I’m slathering the lo lo on.  Never do I want to contemplate muffin tops…unless they are of the chocolate chip variety.  Love handles should not be a word that refers to any part of my anatomy.

So, while I had lost a bit of weight…I gained it back and more when I was eating my emotions.  Now, however, I have lost 2.6 pounds.  And I would like to lose another 27-30.  Wish me luck.  Wish me healthy eating habits.  Wish me untapped energy stores.  Wish me ambition.  I’ll take all the help I can get.

Quick Karma:

• put effort into your life

Posted in Reflections | 7 Comments »

It was the perfect weekend…

Monday, January 25th, 2010

And it has been so long since I’ve had a perfect weekend…

So, Jennie arrived Friday night and we had a great dinner at City Tavern where I proceeded to flirt shamelessly with the waiter until he agreed to give me Crab Bisque.  (It wasn’t on the regular menu.)  And my entire meal was discounted.  Cut me some slack, I’m a single mom.  And dinner was sooo good.  Jennie and I talked and ate.  The meal was…perfect.

We hit the Red Box.  She’d never used a Red Box before.  And both the chick flicks we wanted to see were there.  Yup.  It was The Accidental Husband and The Ugly Truth.  She hadn’t seen them before.  And I was feeling hopeful and romantic, so I was up for watching them again.  So the rental was…perfect.

Kimberly met us at the apartment where on top of watching the movies and snacking, they double teamed me.  Apparently the consensus is in.  The tribe has spoken.  And He-who-shall-not-be-spoken-of is out.  His torch has been extinguished, and he’s off the island.  Okay.  I get it people.  And it’s decidedly easier to get over HIM when I have someone so shiny and new to look forward to.

So, after Kimberly left, Jennie and I talked some more.  And then, old boring ladies that we are, we went to bed.  (Keep in mind there was some texting from the new guy all evening long.  And I really liked it…)

We woke up in the morning, made a great breakfast of cheesy scrambled eggs and cinnamon twists.  And while we ate, we watched the second movie.  Her husband called.  And the new guy called.  And we were both happy….which was rather perfect.

There was a field trip to the mall.  We had a great lunch at McAlister’s Deli.  We sniffed candles at Yankee Candle.  We sniffed perfume at Victoria’s Secret.   We had an abysmal bra shopping expedition.  (Only for me.  She bought a cute set.  I’m…a more challenging fit.)  And we spent A LOT of time in the book store.  Ahhh.  It was perfect.

After she left, I had a date.  A great date.  A practically perfect date.  The only downside was that it was shorter than we would have liked.  Things are developing.  I know this because of all the texts and phone calls and effort made to spend time together.  I know this because he respects my time with my kids, yet still manages to keep in contact.  I know this because…there’s already a connection, a comfort level, an understanding.  And it’s a rare thing.  I’ve only had it one time before.  That time it ended badly…several times.  And this time, it’s too soon to tell, but it’s promising.

Sunday evening was kid time.  We ate a really great dinner…if I do say so myself.  And we watched Fame.  And we talked and joked and laughed.  While it was the perfect end for my weekend, I wasn’t ready for it to end.  After all the bad stuff that happened last year, I cling to the good.  And I want to ride the high of lasting friendships, and budding relationships, and quality kid time just a bit longer.

But he’s good for me, the new guy.  He convinced me that I had to go back to work.  And I know he’s right.  We’re already plotting when to see each other again.  It’s different.  Because somehow, with him, even when we’re not together, he’s never far away.  Already I’m growing accustomed to his goodnights and good mornings.  Already, he shows that he constantly thinks of me.

Here’s the song that started going through my head.  I hope it gets your Monday off to the proper start.  It’s so mellow.  And I do like to ease into my week…

Quick Karma:

• be with people you like and who make you happy

Posted in Reflections | 13 Comments »

Sometimes…the horizon is closer than you think…

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

I have been lamenting how hard I’m working at staying happy these days.  I’ve been struggling.  No lies.  I live all out there.  And I’ve talked about how there’s no one in my future, no one even close.

Well, ummm, I was wrong.

Yeah.  I spent my shower all sad and focused on how it was closing in on that time of year where everything was going to make me think of HIM.  The Superbowl is closing in and we spent that together last year.  And the night before the Superbowl was the night we reconnected and played skeeball and he popped the question.  No, not that question…

And after the Superbowl, he spent the night…noteworthy because he only did it twice in nearly two years.  Very similar circumstances.  Very similar outcomes.

So, then I’d be thinking about how we spent the next week planning a spur of the moment cruise and the week after that being on the spur of the moment cruise.  I’d be devastated on V-day, quite possibly henceforth to be known as Singles Awareness Day, to recall that we’d spent that day last year driving through The Keys and that it was our last night in Miami.  The week after we returned, I was cautiously optimistic that we’d make it, only to have him mess it up…again.

Yet, that still would catapult us into a hundred more memories.  This was what brought us to the point where we ended up living together.  And when I think of all the bad stuff that happened, you would think that would be enough to help me keep a healthy distance.  Yet, it isn’t.  I love him still…I love him anyway.  I love him despite the hurt, the humiliation, the blows to my pride, the devastation to my kids.

I had pretty much decided that I might just look for a distraction.  All I needed was a shiny new distraction.  And I wasn’t going to be picky.

What I didn’t tell you was that there was a guy on the fringe.  We had exchanged smiles.  And then we said hello.  Last week it was names.  And now…numbers.  Only, we seem to be picking up the pace because…he’s already called and texted.  And he prefers calling.

But wait!  There’s more!

I like that he hates texting, but makes an exception for me so that we can stay in touch.  I like that I have been completely upfront with him about who I am and my expectations and he LIKES it.  I like that he talked about how important it is to stay consistent and that he hates when people say, “oh, you used to do this.”  So he’s paying close attention to what is going on between us now…because whatever he does, he wants to be consistent and maintain.

Wow.  That alone nearly bowled me over.  You mean there are guys who will text and call and stay in touch and try to make plans in advance and follow through and EVERYTHING.  OMG.  Seriously.  I never even had to refer him to the rules for dating me.  Crikey!

He tells me that he was drawn to me because of my smile.  Huh.  I smile at work?  And he told me he thought I was beautiful.  And he has only seen me in scrubs.  I clean up very nicely.  Yay!  Then he said something even better.  He said that once he started talking to me, he discovered I had a great personality.  Wee hooo!

But wait!  There’s more!

When I tried to demonstrate that I was all understanding of the fact that he needed to take a nap in between jobs, and that if we couldn’t get together I understood, he was a little bothered.  He told me that it had to be about what we both wanted and if I wanted to see him, we would get together.   So, I’m baffled.  How did it take me so long to discover someone like this?

I’m learning more very day.  And what I’m learning is that he is straight-forward and honest, which means he is also trustworthy.  He’s divorced, so we have that in common.  And he has kids, so we have that in common.  And I’m looking forward to finding out what else we have in common.

Luckily, the date helped.  We planned to meet at Starbucks.  Cliche, I know, but it was the best I could come up with.  Yeah, look at me all lacking in creativity.  I blame it on the time of day and the fact that I couldn’t combine the date with food and anything else that will make me look less lame.

Just as I was getting ready to leave.  He called.  And I wasn’t worried that he was canceling, I had him pegged for simply running late at the office, which he was.  No worries.  He asked me to give him a few minutes and he’d call to let me know he was leaving.  Let’s add considerate to the growing list of his qualities.

And then he met me at Starbucks.  I liked the way he honed in on me immediately, that he offered to get me another hot chocolate.  I like that he looked at me and wasn’t distracted by anyone else.  I liked that the compliments kept coming…good ones, too.  I liked how comfortable I felt and how right it seemed to be with him.  And while I kept this running tally in my mind of everything that I liked…I liked even more that it was about him and not me comparing him to HIM.

The new guy stands on his own merits.

When at last it was time for us to leave, he walked me to the car, opened the door for me, tucked me in.  Seriously.  Oh, but that was after a few lingering hugs.  Yeah.  I like lingering hugs…the kind that last and you don’t quite pull away from and you maintain contact.  Uh huh.  Then, when I drove away, he called and talked while we were driving.  He hated that the date had to be so short.  He wanted more time with me.

So there was more calling and texting.  And he went off to work.  He told me he’d call when he left work, but wasn’t sure what time that would be.  And I told him I’d text him goodnight and I wasn’t sure if I’d answer.  Only…I did answer.  And when I did, he told me he wanted another hug before bed.  I met him outside in a bathrobe.  And we hugged for several minutes.  Then I talked him home so I knew he’d make it there safely.

He’s already said some beautiful things to me.  He told me I’m safe with him.  And I know he means in every respect.  Ahhh.  And he told me that he’s surprised, but for some reason, hugging me just feels right.  And I understand.

We’re taking our time and going slowly…sort of.  He wants to see me again today.  And who am I to deny him?  *smile*

What a pretty horizon.  What a beautiful new day.  Here’s to hope in all its glorious hues.  Here’s to lingering hugs and handsome new guys.  Here’s to happiness in spades.

Wishing you the same…

Quick Karma:

• see the forest and the trees

Posted in dating | 8 Comments »

She’s here!

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

I know, I try to post EVERY day.  And I want to have a really good quality post every day.  So, my apologies in advance.  See, I’m a little preoccupied.

Jennie is here!  My Jennie is visiting.  And if you think I want to waste precious time on the computer when I can be spending it with her…well, never gonna happen.

Don’t worry.  I’ll tell you all about it.  And about everything else I have going on.  Yes, wait, there’s more!  Good stuff.

But in the meantime, here’s a song that means friendship to me.  It’s a song that Rachel and I sing daily…sometimes more than once.  (Rachel, I’m thinking of you!)  And it’s so true of my friendship with Jennie.  She moved to Cary, NC and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her from my life.   Within six months, I had moved to Charlotte.  We’ve been best friends since we were 11.  We’ve been through it.  And I couldn’t have done it without her.  Like Danny and Makenzie, she’s good for my soul, but in an entirely different respect.

Enjoy my theme song!

Quick Karma:

• be yourself

Posted in Just Sharing | 2 Comments »

Friendship feeds my soul…

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

When last we left, our heroine (that’s me) was down in the dumps.  Her mouth was sore from her run-in with the hygienist from…well, you know…who flossed her teeth like she was trying to garrote her gums.  She was suffering from an incredibly destructive computer virus at work.  She was living in a sty.  (Teenagers!)  And well…pick something…really anything…it probably had gone wrong.  Really.

And then there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Yup.  Danny and Makenzie invited us over for dinner.  I know that it doesn’t sound like much, but it was just what I needed.  Maybe it was just what we all needed.  We needed a fun night.  Rachel had exams all week and was worn out.  (No, I don’t feel badly about snapping at her.  I was patient just as long as I could be.  Damn it.)  And Keenan, well, he’s a twelve year old boy living an estrogen soaked life.  Danny and Makenzie’s meant testosterone.  Yay!

And so we went over.  We arrived just after six.  Danny had just beaten us there and was still in the driveway.  Soon, one of his friends pulled up…that Makenzie had wanted to hook me up with, so I wandered into the house.  Let me mention once again that I am a foodie, and so are they.  So the house smelled INCREDIBLE.  We were having Chicken Cacciatore and she was frying the chicken in a skillet.

For some reason, even though I am so completely in the moment with them, I also have this ability to step back and see things as an outsider might.  Being there is an experience.  Part of me wanted to film it and post it, but then I figured you’d think that we were all performing for the camera instead of that being the reality.  I guess it’s simply that I feel completely and utterly inadequate in my descriptors.

There’s just so much life there with all of us together.  Rachel and I are usually fighting over Julia, since she’s a year old.  And Rachel has the rest of her life to use her baby hip, while mine is rusty and needs the use.  And there’s Keenan playing with Ryan, who’s six.  And everyone is talking at once.  And there’s so much laughter and banter and joking and teasing.  People who aren’t used to it would go into complete sensory overload.

We all worked together to get dinner on the table and the table set.  (The kids and I can be civilized when we need to be.)  Soon we’re all seated around the table in the dining room.  As is often the case, they are running short on clean glasses.  There are several reasons for this.  One is that glasses are left all over their house.  The other is that they are constantly breaking glasses.  It leads to some really funny moments…like when Danny and Makenzie have to share a cup.

Ahh, the community cup.

Makenzie: I don’t want to share a glass with you!

And she grabs the glass, which has ice but no liquid yet, and proceeds to lick around the entire interior of the glass.  And so the kids and I are laughing.  Danny is unmoved.  He grabs the glass and licks around the entire exterior.

Danny: There.  We’re sharing.

And he fills it with grape juice.  Soon, Makenzie comments on the fact that with everyone drinking grape juice, we’ll all have purple teeth, which of course brings me to my commentary about my trip to the dentist, which means we’re soon discussing things like cavities, root canals, gingivitis, and bleeding gums.

Rachel: Ugh.  We’re eating!

me: Yes, and last time we were eating here we were discussing your digestive pyrotechnics.  You didn’t seem to think that was gross!

Before you know it, we’re discussing dessert options before we’re even done eating.  (This is just one of the many reasons why I absolutely adore them, by the way.)  And while Makenzie has a chocolate chip banana bread that just came out of the oven and would compliment the Dunkin Donuts coffee that they have brewing, Danny also thought that some frozen custard would compliment both.  He made a strong case.

Only Makenzie didn’t want his sugar free fat free vanilla…nor did any of us.  And she was adamantly opposed to anything that had ridden in the car and would therefor be melted.  It was her contention that since I had never had it before, I should experience Rita’s first hand.  And I was with her.  Field trip!  Now you know I was on board because…well, they have frozen custard and the place is called Rita’s which conjures up happy thoughts of my favorite drink…’ritas.  (Will it never be summer again?)  Soon a discussion has unfolded.

Danny: If we’re doing this, we have to go right now.  Ryan needs to be in bed in an hour.

Makenzie (not moving): Okay.  Let’s go.

Danny: No, right now.

Makenzie: OKAY.  Let’s go.

And it continued for a couple of minutes.  Everyone scattered.  Coats were fetched.  Bathroom breaks were taken.  (For the record, the bathroom break would have been faster if people hadn’t been opening the door on me every few seconds!)  The mini-van was loaded and we were on our way.

Yes, it was a mad rush to Rita’s.  And once there, I saw the sign, a beacon of joy.  Yes, they advertise happiness on the sign.  And inside they suggest you order Happiness on their menu board.  It isn’t a flavor, it just kind of encompasses the entire experience.  Ohhh!  They will let you try anything you want before you order.  I knew what I wanted to try…and Danny ordered it for me before I could even open my mouth.  Yeah, it was chocolate.

The man behind the counter was trying to suggest other items to accompany it…sauces to cover it, crunchy things to mix in it, and other frozen items to pair with it.

me: Sorry, just the chocolate custard in a waffle cone.  I’m something of a purist.

And apparently he liked that.  For the rest of our time there, I would hear him asking everyone who ordered if they wanted their custard mixed with things or if they were purists.  Yes, I make my mark.  I leave an impression.  I can’t help it.

We were, naturally, just as loud and boisterous in public as we were at their place.  No one else really seemed to mind.  If anything, they seemed to be wishing they could join us.  I’m not surprised.  We have a lot of fun.

When we left that night to drive home, I marveled at how happy I was, what a great place I was in.  It’s so different with them than it is with other people.  And I think I know what it is.   With some people I work so hard at entertaining, constantly giving of myself.  With them,  there’s a wonderful blend of give and take.  I don’t walk away empty and exhausted, I walk away full and satisfied…content.  That’s what I’m focusing on, surrounding myself with people who are good for my soul.

Quick Karma:

• overlook no opportunity to play and laugh

Posted in Reflections | 9 Comments »