Blogging is by far the biggest project I’ve ever involved myself in…after the whole marriage and parenting thing.  (And we all know how the marriage worked out.  As for the parenting, well, it’s still up in the air, but it’s looking good so far.)

Somehow, when I talked about starting the blog, I didn’t really see what it could be, never really envisioned what it has become.  And I still don’t know exactly where it’s going.  I guess that sounds bad, so let me explain.  See, yes, I wanted people to read it and enjoy it, come back, maybe tell some friends.  I figured I could count on my mom for some views.  (Thanks, Mom!)  And I knew that some of my friends would probably read it.  I guess I never really thought about becoming popular, about virtually befriending other bloggers, about making a difference in anyone’s life, or even how much of a difference I was making in my own.

Writing has always been my passion.  It has been the one talent that has never truly failed me.  Words are my friend.  So, for me to have an excuse to sit down and write every day is a blessing.  It helps me find focus in my life.  It helps me work through what’s going on in my life.  It has altered my relationship with family, for the better.  My mother and sister feel much closer to me now than ever before.  And for that, I am grateful.

On top of that, I have this built in support group that I truly appreciate.  There’s something about being able to put my life out there and have so many people respond so favorably.  Words of encouragement are offered when I need them, advice is offered (and it’s good!).  And this is all because I started publicly posting my life.

Now, I don’t share everything.  I can’t.  There are happenings that I’m a part of, but aren’t really mine to share.  There are things that are mine to share, but I keep them to myself because they involve other people that I don’t want to hurt.  And everyone is entitled to a little privacy, even public figures (*cough Tiger cough*) and figures who make their life public (like bloggers).

The funny thing is, my blog was found before I even intended for it to be made public.  (That’s how little I know about all this.)  So, on June 25th, 2009 I started writing pieces and hitting ‘publish.’  I figured I’d get a few posts out there, look established and tell my friends and family in July.  Only, by the end of June I had been found by 38 people.  Suddenly, it was a numbers game.  I started watching my numbers and my Alexa rankings.  It was so exciting.

I can’t say as I really did anything special to grow the blog.  I read other blogs and comment.  I enter contests because winning, even randomly, does something for my ego.  And I started to reach out to some of these other bloggers.  It has been fun.  And why would anyone want to devote this much time to something that isn’t fun?

Blogging isn’t for everyone.  I haven’t missed a day since I’ve started.  I’m proud of that.  Can that streak carry on indefinitely?  I doubt it.  But feeling a sense of responsibility to the blog has helped me through some rough times.  It pulled me from my funk over Sam.  It gave me hope when I was hopeless.  It gave me a forum to air my grief over all the challenges I’ve faced this year.  And there have been so many…like moving in with Sam, renting my house, evicting the squatters, finalizing the divorce, losing the house, losing Sam, losing hope, becoming homeless, finding an apartment, finding hope, finding myself and finding out the kids and I can make it on our own.  (Those are just the highlights.)

It’s been one hell of a year.  This has been one hell of an undertaking.  I want to continue to grow and change as a person, which should help me grow and improve as a blogger.  In fact, I don’t see an end in sight.  I know there are blogs that have stretched on for years, evolved with the blogger.  I’d like that.  And while I’m not worried about finding things to say, I secretly hope that I won’t always be a single mom on a journey or self-discovery and self-improvement.  (Of course, it’s not much of a secret if I keep telling everyone now is it?)

Keep watching.  I’m nowhere near through with this project.