Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

So, I clicked my heels together three times…

Author: thenicknick

Housing, having a place to live.  This is something that we tend to take for granted.  I learned my lesson.  And it’s a lesson I’m still learning.  Having a home is not a given and making a home can be more challenging than simply being surrounded by walls a few windows and a door.

See, I started this year in a house.  I have a really nice house in a really wonderful neighborhood.  It was my dream, a contemporary ranch with cathedral ceilings and huge windows, an open floor plan.  There are hardwoods in the main living area, ceramic tile in the bathrooms that I laid myself, and carpet in the bedrooms.  I had changed out all the old brass lighting fixtures with new brushed nickel.  Yes, me, all by myself.  I had selected and installed the hardware in the kitchen.  And I gutted and remodeled both bathrooms with very very little help.  I had primed and painted the bedrooms, venetian plastered the baths, poured my heart and soul into the place.

And once the ex moved out, last year, I had done everything I could to save it.  I searched for roommates and after eight months of effort found a woman with five kids who wanted to live with me in my 2400 square foot three bedroom home.  Right.  And a man who wanted to share my home, my car, and carpool my kids.  I declined.  And then he tried to date me.  I declined…again and again.  So no roommate, but I found a stalker.  Yay!  And I tried getting the loan modified to make it more affordable.  Others in the neighborhood had success with that.  Of course, they also had different mortgage companies and extenuating circumstances.  I wasn’t so lucky.

So, I explained to Sam that I was going to have to move out of the house, and try to rent it in order to save it.  (In my heart, I’m convinced I won’t always be this financially strapped.)  And he needed roommates since his others had moved out.  And we were dating for over a year…mostly.  And he knew I would pay, could be trusted, and would make his life easier.  The kids would keep their neighborhood, their friends.  We had the same floor plan, so I was still living in my dream house, plus his had a man cave with a pool table, a screen porch with a hot tub, a huge back patio that was completely furnished and a fire pit to boot.  On paper, it was perfect.  We moved in.

Rent the house.  Seemed simple enough.  Everyone loved the house.  Lots of people looked.  I was showing the place several times a week.  And my house saga continued because people kept backing out.  The first family was a friend of a David and Kimberly’s.  He backed out and told them, not me, the day before he was supposed to move in after I was already living with Sam.  So, I paid rent at Sam’s and a half mortgage payment that month.  Ouch.  The second family never showed up the day we had scheduled to sign the papers and pay the deposit.  So, it’s no wonder when the squatters showed up with cash in hand, eager to sign that the third time, I was charmed.

We all know how that turned out.  There were court fees and court papers and a court date.  There was an eviction with a sheriff and everything.  There was stress galore.  And the bank and I came to an understanding.  They wouldn’t foreclose until they had given me adequate time to sell.  And I’m in forbearance while it’s on the market.  I had to accept losing my house.  It wasn’t overwhelming.  I still had my home with Sam.  Only a few weeks later, I didn’t.  And that’s when reality really set in.  He had offered to let me and the kids stay with him for several months while I saved some money and found a place.  It was all very civil.  Only then it wasn’t and I had to move out over a weekend.

The kids and I were homeless for a week.  We couldn’t live in our old home with no power, water, or gas.  And my family was a thousand miles away. We were sleeping on couches and floors of friends, living out of the laundry baskets, suitcases, and grocery bags in the car.  Homeless requires a lot more organization, flexibility, and spontaneity than the life we were used to.  For some reason, the kids never lost faith in me even though I blamed myself, they believed that I could once again right all the wrongs.

We found an apartment.  And my mother and my Jennie generously ensured I could get into it.  It was a big change.  And not in the geographic location, which is a mere two miles from our house.  It’s a new lifestyle.  We are truly on our own now, living a life that I can afford all by myself, since that’s how it is being financed…all me.

This year I had to re-examine what a home was, modify my definition.  There are so many adages, the old ‘home is where the heart is.’  Oh, and ‘A house is made of brick and stone.  A home is made of love alone.’  Home is more than a place to hang your hat and entertain your friends.  It is the backdrop for where you build your dreams and nourish your soul.  It is the place where you accept your reality and hope for the best.  It is the place where, if you’re living it right, happiness will flourish and joy abound.  And after a year of nearly indescribable challenges, I finally seem to have that right.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 at 12:01 am and is filed under Blog Challenge. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.