Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

There’s something of a learning curve…

Author: thenicknick

Well, I’ve been telling everyone that I’m going through this time of self-discovery.  And there’s nothing that will raise awareness more than trying to find someone that might fit in my life.  Ultimately I want someone I can grow old with, someone to share my happiness with, but I know that I will still get older and I can be happy on my own.  I’m happy now.

Oh, but this dating thing.  I rather hate it.  Yeah. Hate is a strong word.  A mean word.  An ugly word.  A highly accurate word…

See, I do feel that strongly about dating.  And I joked in yesterday’s post that I was now ‘elimidating.’  Yes, that is where I slowly whittle down the list of prospects…constantly.  Part of my challenge is that I am determined not to settle anymore.  I mostly know what I want.  And while there are areas of compromise, there are also some areas that are non-negotiable.

I have to admit I was inspired by the concept behind John Ritter’s last television series, 8 Simple Rules… for Dating my Teenage Daughter.  So, here are some guidelines that I’ve thought about, what I’m looking for, rules for dating me, if you will.  (As if I could stop at eight…)

1. Money is not an aphrodisiac.  It will never make up for what you lack in character.  It doesn’t impress me.  I’m not that girl.
2. Please don’t focus on charm.  It doesn’t soothe me, instead it makes me wary.  Charm is nice, but I’ve been burned by charming men.  I’m looking for substance.
3. You don’t know me well enough to call and/or text me at odd hours.  Not sure if it’s an odd hour?  If you have to wonder, it probably is.  Sleep is a precious and rare commodity.  Let me have some…uninterrupted.  Drop me an email if you feel so compelled to be in touch.  I check that CONSTANTLY.  It won’t wake me up, and it will keep you in my good graces.
4. Please do not tell me about your vasectomy on our first date, or worse, in the first fifteen minutes of our first date.  I’m not sure if you think it’s a turn on, that it seals the deal, makes you more appealing, or you just want to lead with a disclaimer.  All I know for sure is that it’s too soon for me to know if I want to share my body with you for the night, let alone with your progeny for nine months.
5. While I like thinking of future plans with you, if we’re clicking, try not to make them wildly outrageous.  (It’s always a trip!)  I have a hard time trusting people who discuss anything too far into the future even if they are interested in meeting my kids and including them.  All in good time.  There’s no rush.
6. And while I love the idea of being spontaneous, let’s do so within reason.  Going to dinner last minute is great.  Going to The Keys on a road trip last minute…not so great.  I have kids to think about.  And I’m not so eager to get trapped in a car with someone who is for all intents and purposes Stranger Danger.  A little common sense.
7. You really may be perfectly harmless, but I’m going to be the one to figure that out.  I will not be taking your word for it.
8. Pushy is the biggest turn off.  Do you really want me going on a date with you because I felt forced or obligated to do so?  Do you really want to keep at me until you’ve worn me down?  This is no way to get a date let alone potentially start a relationship.
9. I’m not going to sleep with you on the first date.  And if I was, you shouldn’t want to date me.  And if you don’t want to date me because I won’t give it up immediately, I don’t want to date you.  So there.
10. Be a little original.  I went on the breakfast date yesterday because it was the first time a guy wanted to take me to breakfast without it being a line meant to carry over from the night before.  (That’s totally played out, by the way.)  So, yeah, I might not have normally gone out with him, but it wasn’t coffee.  Everyone wants to go out for coffee.  I don’t even drink coffee.  There was an incident in college where I drank a ridiculous amount of the stuff while trying to complete a five page paper written in French.  After it was done I lay in bed shaking, unable to go to sleep for HOURS.  I learned my lesson.  So, yeah, if you insist on a coffee date, I’ll have tea or hot chocolate.  What if instead, however, we tried something different?  Let’s grab dessert.  Or what if we meet for ice cream at the fountains?  Or what if we play a game of pool and see if we have fun?  I’ll let you push me on a swing while we talk.  Or better yet, let’s go for a walk on the Greenway.  I know.  I should be thrilled about the whole sitting in a coffee house.  Well, Saturday morning I ended up drinking hot chocolate on a sidewalk…in the drizzling rain.  I’ll do anything to avoid that again.
11. I can’t be on the phone with you all day.  I work.  And I can’t be on the phone with you all night.  I have kids and responsibilities.  And while my kids are older and don’t need me as much, I need to be there for them.  I genuinely like them.  I enjoy spending time with them, talking to them, being involved in their lives.  And I need you to understand that without thinking I’m blowing you off or ignoring you.
12. Work harder at getting to know me than you are at getting in my pants.  I’m more than worth the effort, I promise.

I probably could have thought up some more if I had taken a little more time.  At the same time, I was starting to feel like Martin Luther with his thesis.  I don’t think I’m being that difficult or expecting that much.  Of course, I have been wrong before.  And maybe I am just looking at this from the female perspective.  That’s why I’m hoping more of you will weigh in.  Are there key things I’m missing?  Could you offer a male perspective on this whole dating thing?

I can’t wait to hear from you!

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 6th, 2009 at 12:10 am and is filed under Just Sharing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.