Suddenly Single Journey

Well, I’m glad I got that out of the way…

Author: thenicknick

It’s 9am on  Saturday as I sit at the library and recount my morning.  Somehow, I have already managed to get a bad date out of the way TODAY.  Yes, I have elmidated another man from my list of prospects.  For the briefest of moments, I started thinking maybe it’s me.  Maybe I’m difficult.  Nah.  And just to get the adequate reassurance, I called first Jennie then Kimberly.  Nope.  It’s not me.

Jennie: So, how did you manage to get a date out of the way before 9am?

me: Well, I guess it started last night when we spoke on the phone and he said maybe we could work out something for Saturday.

Kimberly: And where did you find this man?

There it is.

me: Ah, my mistress Craigslist.

Here’s the story…

I knew it was all going to go horribly wrong when I woke to my text chiming at 6:21am on a Saturday morning.  That should have been my first clue, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.  (And lately that’s been biting me in the butt, which you would think would have made it considerably smaller.  Alas…no.)  And after my mind finally registered what that noise was, and I checked it and read it:

U out for the count…breakfast?  Again, sorry if u r sacked out…just rearin’ to get going

I pulled up the covers and went back to sleep.  Then my phone rang at 7:03.  My reaction to which was to bat at it until it ceased making that infernal noise.  And a moment later I processed that I had missed a call…from him.  So, I pulled up my covers and went back to sleep.  Well, the kitties were roused by all that noise and climbing all over me for attention.  And my head was pounding.  A headache is no way to start the day.  Finally, I emerged from my comfy cocoon at the late hour of…7:30am.  Damn it.

I was trying to complete my routine of posting and commenting on blogs when he sent ANOTHER text at 7:50am.

Sorry for hittn’ u up like that…just feelin’ a little extra groovy…let me know if u want some early mornin’ chat…

And he signed it…’Best regards.’  Well, crap.  And so I explained, by text, that I had just woken up, was still yawning, and needed a huge hot tea.  So, naturally he called.  Immediately.  And wanted to come over since it was on his way to his grandmothers place where he was helping her decorate for the holidays.  What a generous offer.

me: Ah, no.  Let’s meet at Panera.

Yes, that Panera.

And he wants to do it RIGHT NOW.  And he assures me that he doesn’t care how I look.  And I assure him that I do.  And then I manage to put him off until 8:40am.  Yes, strange time for a date, right?  Well, with little enthusiasm, I manage to get ready.  And I’m heading out the door at 8:41.  (I know.  My bad.  But he was RUSHING ME!)  I apologize and hop in the car.

Already, I know this isn’t going to go well.  I’m annoyed.  Annoyed is not how you should feel when you are ready to meet someone.  Breathless with anticipation, yes.  Nervous, maybe.  Annoyed…no.  Panera is so close, I could probably wheelbarrow walk there, with the right person holding my legs.  It’s a ridiculously short drive.  And my phone chimes again!

He wanted to make sure I knew he was at the table right by the door.  He’s 6′4″ and it’s a small restaurant.  There was little danger I wouldn’t see him.  Oh, and as I’m walking up to the door, he’s hovering trying to look relaxed when clearly he’s not.  And while that would normally tug at my heart strings and make me even nicer than normal, he was rubbing me the wrong way for HOURS now.

He sat at the table near the door while I went over and bought a hot chocolate.  (There was no way I was letting this guy buy me anything.)  And while I’m standing in line waiting for the guy to finish making my hot chocolate, my phone chimes AGAIN.   I look his way and see him fiddling with his phone so I know it’s him.  At this point I really just want to shake my phone at him and shout, “REALLY?!”  Instead, I looked at the guy who was making my hot chocolate.  He was tattooed and wearing funky jewelry and suddenly infinitely more appealing than the text happy guy with the MBA in International Business waiting for me by the door.

So, I return with my drink and the man mumbles something about moving.   And since we are literally right next to the door, the table that’s in the lobby, I’m all for moving, even if it does bring me dangerously close to the fire extinguisher.  Only, the guy leads me out the door to the sidewalk.  Huh?  And he explains that he wants to find a place to sit out there because he’s feeling claustrophobic.  At this point, I feel compelled to point out that it’s been raining and everything is wet.  Our best bet is inside.  And I turn toward the door.

Mr. Text Happy: So, do you have Bloody Mary’s at your place?

me: No.

(Like I want to drink at just shy of 9am.  Although, given the company, it might have helped…)

TH: Oh, well you wanna go back to your place?

(Do people really do booty calls this early in the morning with complete strangers and completely sober?)

me: No.

TH: So the place is really dirty, huh?

(If I’d have had a step ladder, I’d have Gibbsed him.)

me: Hell no.

(I was more than a little insulted.  I mean, really, isn’t it just plausible that I don’t want to bring a strange man to my apartment where I live all by myself most weekends and with my kids the rest of the time?  Duh.)

TH: Oh.  You want to go back to my place.

me: No.

TH: I’m completely harmless.

me: I’m sure all the serial killers say that.

TH: My grandmother lives at The Cypress.

(For those of you not familiar with The Cypress, it is a retirement community for the LOADED elderly.  And for those of you who don’t know me, I’m not impressed by money.  It’s not an aphrodisiac.  It will not compensate for your other flaws, like lack of character.)

me: And?

So, by now he can see that he’s not getting anywhere with me.  (Mommy, are you so very proud?)  And he decides to head on his way.  He has assured me he will call me later.  And I will go out with him again…the day I wake up and decide that having a hot oil enema is a good idea.

While this has not exactly set the tone for the kind of day I hope to have, it has inspired two posts.  Come back tomorrow.  Since I have managed to have a workshop-free/conference-free kind of year and won’t be blogging about it in the challenge, I might as well share some of what I’m learning about me and dating.  And I’ll want your input, or course.  I still have a lot to learn.

PS. Please feel free to share with me your dating horror stories.  I can’t be the only one.  Right?

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 5th, 2009 at 11:43 am and is filed under Just Venting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.