Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

Finally success…

Author: thenicknick

    Here it is…our new home, as of Saturday.  That’s right.  We’ll be moving on Halloween, two short days after Rachel has her tonsils and adnoids removed.  At least she’ll get to convalesce at the new apartment.  I know, it’s not ideal, but neither was the alternative. 

See, when I told you that Jennie and I planned to be all business, I wasn’t kidding.  We left the hotel by 8:30am, then drove to my office.  I had inadvertantly taken the office phone with me when I left in a rush on Friday.  And Michael wanted to meet Jennie.  His reaction…

Michael: Wow, when Nicole said that you two looked alike, she wasn’t kidding. 

And then we drove to Home Depot where Jennie bought me boxes and packing tape since we couldn’t get any for free from the mall. Next was a stop at PetSmart so that the babbit could have a non-leaking water bottle.  Way more effective than the current method of filling the bottle daily.  So, it was purchase a new water bottle or sign the babbit up for swimming lessons.

Then we drove to Indian Trail to see the house that was well within my price range but far from my office, the kids’ schools, and all of our friends.  The house was amazing, all 4000 square feet of it.  And we would have had our choice of bedrooms.  And the entire third floor was devoted to entertainment with the pool table, foosball table, air hockey, and home theater.  But it didn’t feel right.

me: I don’t think it’s right.  I want to be on my own, if I can.

Jennie: I understand.  The year I spent on my own was great. 

me: I just want to figure out what I like.  I don’t even know anymore.  I’m so used to pleasing everyone else. 

Jennie: Yeah, and there’s something to be said for the stability you provide for the kids on your own.

So, we returned to Charlotte and began the apartment hunt in earnest.  It wasn’t easy.  Money and credit were a huge factor.  And I was so sad.  I cried at the first place…twice.  I just couldn’t see myself living there.  I couldn’t see the kids being happy there.  And no matter how much I kept chanting in my head that I was going to make it work, I couldn’t.

By now it was lunch time.  And I had already spoken to Sam twice.  He wanted to double check to make sure that he could take the kids’ bed apart, that they weren’t going to be staying over there and need them.  Given how things were left Friday, that was a non-issue.  As far as I was concerned, we were kicked out.  He had said it.  And he hadn’t relented.  The second time, I had called him, hoping for some insight into the apartment search. 

We decided to regroup over lunch.  Panera had wi-fi, so we went there.  I hadn’t planned on eating.  My stomach was in knots, and it’s hard to digest food that way.  After I tasted Jennie’s soup, however, it was impossible not to want to eat.  (I told you Jennie’s good for my soul.  If not for her, I’d have wasted away into nothingness…sort of.)  We found a few potential places and called.  I had a lot working against me in the apartment search. 

We decided to go to Waterford Square, right around the corner.  And Jennie was so awesome.  As always. 

Jennie: They look nice.  There’s little balconies.  They seem to be well maintained.

We had some disagreements about how to find the leasing office.  Every street in there seems to be named Waterford something.  You know I’m going to get lost.  And I began to wonder if trading my GPS for the camera was such a fair trade…but I know it was.  I can read a map.  And I need the camera to record my life for posterity.  I know you’ll be dying for pictures of the apartment, tales of the move.  If only I weren’t so stinking interesting…

The only leasing consultant on duty for a Saturday was busy working with someone else, so we waited and gave ourselves a self-guided tour.  There’s at least one pool.  (We were a little discombobulated…)  There’s racquet ball.  I don’t play, but now I could…I suppose.  And there’s pool.  And there’s a fitness center that I just kind of glanced at.  There’s a computer center.  They have laundry facilities on site…if mine ever die.  It’s a nice place.  And it’s all mine.

We went for a two bedroom two bathroom unit on the first floor.  I’m not going to be schlepping groceries up flights of stairs, or anything else for that matter.  I won’t need to store anything.  Somehow, I’ll make everything fit.  I’ll make it work.  That’s what I do. 

It will be the first time I’ve lived on my own.  I know, some of you are thinking that I’m not on my own because I have the kids.  Yes, but that I have two additional people dependent upon me doesn’t make me less on my own.  In fact, it rather ups the challenge.  If I fail, I’m failing them, too.  See, I went from living at home, to living at the dorm, to living in an apartment with J, to living in a house with J, to living with Sam.  And I’m 37.  (I don’t look it, but I am.)

It will be good.  I just have to focus on the good, let go of all the bad.  Sam is one of the things I’m letting go.  As soon as I’m officially moved out, he’s out of my life for good.  No, we will not be friends.  I know it pains him, but it has to be this way.  I know him and his habits too well after all this time.  Having him in my life would only cripple me.  And I need to be strong. 

The kids and I are bouncing around between friends for the next week.  I’m very organized.  I’m a different kind of homeless.  My cart is a flaming yellow Escape.  And our clothes are in laundry baskets and suitcases.  My purse has a little something for every possibility.  In a few minutes I plan to fish out one of the Earl Grey tea bags I gatewayed from the hotel and make a nice steaming sweet mug.   

I’ve learned my lesson.  I had always thought myself independent, that I could take on the world, that I didn’t need a man.  I guess I needed Sam a bit more than I’m comfortable admitting.  And I forgot to have a plan B.  He was my plan B.  From now on, I don’t make any plan Bs based on anyone but me.  I’m breathing easier today.  Nothing seems as impossible or sad.  I’m rich in friends and that’s what counts.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 25th, 2009 at 8:41 am and is filed under Big News!!!!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.