Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

Back to the basics…

Author: thenicknick

I kind of like this picture.  And I’m guessing that if I were asked to find a picture that represented my life right now…that would be it.  I’ve had this ENORMOUS wrecking ball rip apart my life.  And while I was sad and feeling really sorry for myself, completely lost and alone…this morning it doesn’t feel so bad.

And the reason it feels manageable is one thing and one thing only…Rachel.  My kids are the best things in my life.  They always have been.  And after she found out what was going on at home, she called…sobbing uncontrollably…which is precisely what I had hoped to avoid.

Rachel: Mommy, where are we going to live?

me: I don’t know, babe.  Just know that we’ll do it the same as always: you me, and Keenan against the world.  ONly this time we’ll have a Sophie and a Babbit.

Rachel: But no Bishop?

me: Nope, no Bishop.

Rachel: Can we bring Emma?  (the poodle that I gave up in the divorce)

me: No Emma.  Maybe wherever we end up we can get our own dog.

Rachel: Okay.  I want mountains, mommy.

me: There are mountains in New York.

Rachel: I know.

me: Any other requests?

Rachel: I don’t want a yellow room.  (Paint color had been an area of contention during the remodel and move.)

me: Okay.

Rachel:  And I want stairs, preferably indoors.

And with that done, I was breathing easier.  Rachel was on board.  I even checked the blog later and found her comment.

Rachel: Its just another adventure, right mommy?

God, I love these kids.  Somehow we’ll make it.  Somehow we’ll manage.  And so now, on another Monday…I’m left to create a whole new set of goals.  And instead of lofty things like losing weight (which seems to be no issue right now, by the way…a little depression is great for the diet) and getting published, it’s going to be things like…

• figure out where I want to move to
• find somewhere to live
• find a higher paying job
• pack…again

And it won’t be all bad.  I’m sure eventually I’ll find the silver lining in those ominous clouds currently blotting the sun from my life.  Somehow I always do.  And I’m going to have to venture a guess that my little deal breakers play a very big part in it.

Please note…I did not even mention finding a new man.  I don’t want one.  No, I’m not switching teams.  I just think I need to work on me, right now.  I don’t have a lot to offer.  (Stop arguing, Jennie.)  On paper, I’m a mess.  (Actually, I’m something of a mess in person, too.)  See, I need to get back to me…then I’ll think about it.

So, here’s to a Happy Monday and day one of a brand new journey and dreaming new hopes and dreams.  May all yours come true.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 12th, 2009 at 6:53 am and is filed under Goals. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.