Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

The art of compromise…

Author: thenicknick

Life is all about compromise.  And learning how to truly compromise can determine the success, happiness, and general quality of life.  What we have on our side during the struggle to find the balance is time and a learning curve.  If you’re like me, you tend to not so much repeat the same mistake, but find so many new mistakes to make that it seems that you’re not making progress whatsoever.

Lately, my life has been all about compromise.  See, adapting to life with S is a huge compromise on everyone’s part.  He’s used to alone time, which is a rare commodity since he now has three extra people living in his house.  And he claims he’s used to a more exciting life, getting to go lots of places and do lots of things.  Well, in the year we dated before living together, I saw very little of this wild and crazy life he claims to have had.  There were a few nights that he went out and partied, and I know that he misses that some, but at the same time there are aspects of that life that he’s starting to pick up on.

After a while the crowd of people his age going out partying every weekend thins.  The only ones left are the complete slackers who have nothing going on in their life.  He has a much bigger life than that.  (And not just because he has me.)  After a while, he will come to realize that it’s not as fun as he remembers it being.  (He has already commented that I keep him grounded and out of a lot of the BS.)  And after a while, he should start to realize a new life, a couple life, a family life.

He’s told me that he gives me more than he has any other girlfriend.  Apparently none of the previous girls hung around his family or friends.  They were a separate part of his life.  Shocking that none of those relationships panned out.  And I don’t know whether I get more because I deserve it, or because I demand it.  I have expectations that should met, standards for relationships that I have set.  So far, so good.

And don’t get me wrong.  I’m compromising, too.  I’m cooking differently and at different times.  I’m cleaning a lot more.  ( My mother would be so proud.)  I’m working harder to get ahead than I ever have.  And I’m more dedicated to losing weight than ever before.  It’s different when I have someone holding me to my goals, forcing me to follow through.  I’d never want to disappoint him.  And because he doesn’t want to disappoint me, we work.

Now we’re working on a bigger compromise.  We’re raising a dog together.  Bishop is a bundle of energy, completely untrained.  He went from living in a whelping box to living in a house with lots of people and pets.  (The kitty-cows are eyeing him suspiciously, but not with complete disdain.)  We’re finding our roles in the puppy rearing.  We’re working together to tame this puppy-cow, train him in every respect.

Last night was torture.  S sleeps very soundly.  And though he has the best of intentions, the night potty runs were all on me.  There was a lot of crying and whimpering.  Bishop was unhappy, too.  I almost gave in and let him sleep with us just so I could close my eyes for more than ten minutes.  Instead, S did the daddy thing while asleep.

S: (using his daddy voice) Bishop!  Go to sleep.  Be a good puppy.

And that dog, that whimpering, pacing, puppy-cow finally laid right down and went to sleep.

me:(mumbled and feeling completely defeated) Thanks.

We’re a team.  And I love it.  S knows it.

S: You really like having me to support you don’t you?

me: Yes.  Does it make me look weak?

S: No.  I just think  you haven’t had that before.

me: Sometimes it’s just nice that everything isn’t all on me.

S: Sometimes I wish you’d let me do more.

Huh.  That I’m really not used to.  Instead of me doing all the giving and him doing all the taking, I give and he gives right back.  That’s the best compromise of all.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 27th, 2009 at 12:05 am and is filed under relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.