Parenting 101

Author: thenicknick

The pool room was full the other night, and at ten o’clock, I called it for the kids. “Adult swim!” I announced. And my kids immediately walked over, kissed and hugged me, then traipsed into the house. The neighbors, all raising kids of various ages, stopped playing pool and talking, only to stare for a moment in awe and wonder. (Not all of them, many had seen this before.)

“How do you do it?” Kristen asked. She’s the mother of two kids, five and four year old boys.

“That’s impressive,” Mike agreed.

And I never really thought about it. In my world, if I tell the kids to do something, I simply expect it will be accomplished. Most of the time, that is precisely how it works.

Some things that have worked for me through the years:

Follow through. It seems obvious, but this is where so many parents mess up. And I think the key is to not go overboard. Take away something manageable. Or, threaten with something reasonable. A kid sees through a parent very quickly. My kids knew if I took away video games, they were gone for the week. Right now, they are turning their phone in to me every night at ten since the phones are a summer distraction that keep them awake too late.
Keep communication lines open. It has meant that through the years I have had to listen to a lot of stuff that I maybe didn’t so that now I can hear the things that I’m really scared of hearing. I had to listen to stories about cafeteria lunches and standing in line for the bathroom just so that now, Rachel can ask me questions about sex and her developing body. (And probably all too soon, a combination of the two.)
Set expectations high. Over the last few years, I have moved from leaving a ‘To Do” list on the table, to now emailing it on a daily basis. The kids are expected to help out and participate in the upkeep of the home. There are expectations for grades, as well. Work to ensure they meet the expectations.
Consistency counts. If we fall off partway through a grounding, it teaches nothing. If we only punish for a particular offense sometimes, it teaches nothing. As much as I hate having to ground the kids, because it grounds me too, I do it consistently when necessary so that the lesson is learned and I have to ground them less and less.
Routines are our friends. The kids know that during the school year, homework is done before hanging out with friends, before the television or video games, before the phone. They know they will eat dinner by 6, maybe 6:30pm. They know they have to have a shower by a given time, and bed is strictly enforced…if only for my sanity. And it works.

I’m sure there are other key points I have failed to mention. I didn’t tell you , for example, that when Rachel gets cranky I tend to look at her and say, “Be gone before someone drops a house on you.” (Humor always diffues a situation.) That’s my favorite tip: love your kids. Find humor in situations…even if it take a while. It’ll pay off. I have a fifteen year old daughter that still likes me and talks to me. I’ve done something right.

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 10:38 am and is filed under Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.