Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey

The Boxer Challenge

Author: thenicknick

I guess it all started when I mentioned, casually, one day that I had seen some boxers that I had contemplated purchasing for S.  His interests peaked immediately.  This was, after all, the true show of how well you know a person, if you can purchase their undergarment of choice in the right size, style, etc.  And silly me, having been married for fifteen years, during which time I successfully managed to purchase underwear for the ex with no trouble at all, I imagined this would be cake.  How much better did I know S anyway?

So, I was in Sam’s Club and happened upon a three pack of boxers that I thought might work.  They were made by Izod, a nice jersey knit material, and I love him in blue.  There was a blue solid pair, and a couple of varying shades of blue stripes.  Yay.  Mission accomplished.  I had purchased boxers.  That afternoon, I proudly delivered said boxers for S’s approval.

S: These are old man boxers?

me: Huh?

S: You like old man clothes.

me: Really?  What makes them old man boxers?

So, since I had opened myself up for it, I found out that everything about them was wrong.  Everything, you ask?  Everything.  EVERYTHING.  The waist band was too big.  The color was wrong.  The stripes are old man style.  He hated the material.  Apparently no jersey knit for him.  And on and on the list went.

The boxers were returned immediately.  I decided to give it more thought before gallivanting off to purchase more boxers.  And so a few weeks passed.  And I paid attention to the boxers I was diligently folding and placing in his drawer.  One of his favorite pairs came from Express.  So, at least I now had a jumping off point.

Well, the day before my birthday, Rachel called me and told me that I wasn’t allowed home until 5:01pm.  Really?  5:01.  Not 5pm…  Anyway, so I took that as a sign that I could wisely spend that time working on buying boxers.  Confidently, with little trepidation, I headed off to Express.

It is quite possible that the sales lady had never seen anyone scour the boxer short display so seriously, so intensely, or so long.  And with considerably less confidence than I had when I walked in, I left with three pairs of boxers.  Surely, out of the three, he might find at least one pair that met his standards.  This time, arriving at the house at 5:02, I discovered that the fabric was right, but I still didn’t get his style.  And he claims he kept telling me what he wanted.  Throwing clues like bread crumbs.  Right.

Finally, thoroughly discouraged, I decided that I would go with my gut and stop worrying about pleasing him.  So, I returned the boxers.  Again.  And naturally the sales lady tried to sell me some others.  And naturally, I caved.  She called in a guy to talk to me.  He was supposed to give me insight into the male mind.  Right.  The first pair he picked out was striped.  At that point I decided to work alone.  I left with two pairs, similar print, different colors.  Colors I liked.  Colors I had seen him wear.  Colors I might just get away with.

And I didn’t rush to show him what I had purchased.  I waited.  I had a plan.  I would have a large varying selection, since my fragile ego couldn’t handle another failure.  I hit Target, purchased a few pairs there.  And with now five pairs of boxers, awaited his return yesterday afternoon.

For some reason, I was feeling very feisty.  So when he asked about my day, I quickly revealed that I had some boxers for him.

S: You think you got it this time?

me: Uh huh.  And no pressure, but if you don’t like them, I’m going to go to the bathroom and slit my wrists.

I’m not sure if it was the threat of my imminent demise or that he finally just caved and gave up.  Dare I hope I simply got it right?  He kept all five.  Yay!  Success!  And may they tide him over for a long time.  I can’t take any more boxer shopping any time soon.

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 12th, 2009 at 11:18 am and is filed under relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.