Online Dating: Craigslist, Take One

Author: thenicknick

I never thought I’d do it. Really. I can be pretty daring, but posting on Craigslist in an effort to not die alone reeked of desperacy, even for me. At the same time, I had friends who assured me that it was all harmless fun. Try it! Now, in all honesty, I’m not certain any of said friends actually went out in public with the guys that they met online. That may be where I went a step too far. You decide.

As with everything else in my life, I began by doing an inordinate amount of research before even sticking my toe in that dating pool. I read through a lot of ads. I wanted to see what people were saying, and wondering whether it would be a hopeless endeavor. (I was still hung up on S and thought this might just be the distraction I needed to help me move on. )

So on S’s birthday, and shortly before leaving town to be with Jennie for the weekend, I posted this:

Suddenly Single, Ready to Date

This may sound strange, but I find myself in unfamiliar territory. I have never dated, not in the conventional sense. I went from high school boyfriends, to living in the college dorm dating the guy down the hall, to living with a friend I ended up marrying. (Yup, I was married for fifteen years.) Now I’m single. And I’m intrigued with the idea of meeting someone and dating.

Obviously, I’m comfortable with ltrs, but I want to start from the beginning, not skip any steps. Let’s get to know each other, a few emails, a few phone calls, and take it from there.

I like the idea of getting to know each other over time, but here’s what you should know to determine whether you want to get to know me at all:

I have two kids, one of each, the girl is a freshman, the boy a fifth grader. I own a home and am gainfully employed. If there’s a man in my life, it’s going to be due to mutual desire and not need. I’m educated, intelligent, and some would say witty, or maybe that’s a polite term for sarcastic? I like to laugh A LOT. For fun, I read, travel, and spend quality time with those I care about. I cook and keep the place clean enough to be healthy. I like being outdoors, but wouldn’t necessarily call myself outdoorsy. I’m a nurturer. I like taking care of people and recognize that sometimes placing someone else’s needs before my own is a strength, not a weakness.

That I’m not including a picture doesn’t mean I’m a troll, but that I’m not on my home computer. Actually, I’ve been told I’m very attractive, but I think when you’re only five feet tall, the best you can hope for is ‘cute.’ My figure would best be described as hour glass. And I think my best feature is my smile.

Think we have anything in common?

Well, I stopped counting at the number of men that thought we might have something in common. And while many have complained about the quality of the responses they receive on Craigslist, I find that there’s a direct correlation between what you write and who responds. I was inundated with emails from doctors, lawyers, businessmen, pharmacists, and professionals of all fields. It was amazing. It was fun. It was an ego boost. It was no good because all I wanted was S.

Still, like the trooper I was, I sorted through them, with Jennie’s expert help, and came up with a few candidates. I found that if you have too many guys interested in one time, there isn’t enough time to give them the attention they desire, and some are simply going to fall off the grid. No big deal. This is online dating. It’s a Darwinian experiment. There’s always more fish in the sea, and all that rubbish.

So, since I tend to be a one man woman, I decided to try to focus on the one who wrote the longest most interesting emails. Jeremiah. After we exchanged a few, he was impatient, so we moved on to chatting. He was clever. He was devoted. So we moved on to texting, which we did non-stop for two days. And then it was on to phone calls. (That all took place over the course of a matter of days, by the way.)

Somehow, it was during the phone conversations that I was convinced this would never work. Where shall I begin? First, he tried to impress me with the fact that he owned a beach house. I love the beach. All I wanted to know was whether or not there was any good sea debris. He then announced that he wouldn’t know since he never went out on the beach. (My first indication that he was a neat freak. The second indication came a moment later.) Then we started talking laundry. He was in a store and couldn’t find fabric softener. (I didn’t know anyone still used the stuff.) He was apalled when I suggested he use laundry sheets with fabric softener in them. This lead to a lengthy discourse on his methodology on laundry and my brief announcement that I would NEVER be doing his laundry. If that wasn’t enough, I discovered that he had a two twleve pack a day habit of Diet Sun Drop. I’m from the north, we don’t even have sun drop. And if wehad, I still wouldn’t have drank it. Give me high fructose corn syrup and carmel coloring any day. I’m a cola girl. And never a diet cola girl.

The final straw came the next day, however, when he was cranky because he hadn’t had time to iron his undershirt and it prevented him from tucking in his button down shirt properly. Holy anal retention, Batman! Who potty trained this guy with an AK-47? Somehow, by then, though greatly disturbed, I was not overly surprised when he announced he collected German WWII memorabilia. Who does that? (And I’m referring to the German part, collecting pieces of history is something everyone does in one way shape or form.)

Yeah. So, I told him that I wasn’t going to meet him for coffee, tea, or any other beverage of my choosing, and that I didn’t think we had much in common. And when he asked why, I simply explained that he came off as being very high maintenance.

Though the taste for dating had already soured in my mouth, I pushed on and went out on an actual date. This time, I decided not to spend much time getting to know him online, a few emails, one awkward phone call while we planned our meeting, then see if there was any chemistry.

There wasn’t. My feelings had already cooled before I entered the restaurant, and not just because I had been standing outside in the rain while waiting for his late butt to arrive. Grrr. No, talking to him over dinner was like pulling teeth and far less satisfying. Then we went to the theater for a movie. (I don’t recommend this on a first date, by the way, not enough time to talk. Although in our case, the movie helped with the uncomfortable silences.) We saw what times were available and picked the next thing showing.

The movie might have been called Yes Man!, but I spent my night saying ‘no, sir!’ My date decided to get all handsy and couldn’t take a hint. I was literally impaled on my armrest I was struggling so to stay away from him, yet he couldn’t take the hint, not even when I pushed his sweaty little palm off my knee. Yuck! He walked me toward my car. Once we were near enough, I simply gave him the ‘thanks, nice meeting you’ bit and ran, yes, ran away.

At this point, I decided that I needed more me time to get over S. And I put myself on a dating hiatus.

Anyone have a similar experience to share?

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Tags: craigslist, dating, online

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 28th, 2009 at 4:46 pm and is filed under A Single Girl's Guide. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.